Party Japes?

Question

Last night I held a party at Twizzlegrass Manor.

As usual, I arranged for a few little party games to be played.

I arranged for a large water tank to be installed in the Great Hall in which were put three alligators, eight dozen piranhas, some jellyfish, a giant squid called Otis and a couple of sharks.

I told the guests that if anyone could swim across the tank, he or she would, to the best of my ability, be granted three wishes.

Well nobody was up to the challenge, so everyone just started having a jolly good time eating canapés and drinking champers and doing that "party thing" when suddenly, there was this big splash.

I looked and saw my butler, Hargrieves (87), swimming frantically across the tank, and, lo and behold, he made it! How we laughed and cheered!

I patted old Hargrieves on the shoulder and asked him what his wishes were. First of all he asked to borrow Daddy’s old elephant gun that was hanging over the fireplace. Next he asked for a round of ammunition for the gun. Finally he said, ‘Madam, now point out which of these **s**r* guests pushed me in the tank!’

Should I reprimand Hargrieves for his foul language in front of the gentry, moreover should I tell him that it was Rotter?

Answer 1

Due to his servant status, strictly speaking you should remove one of the wishes as tax.  This allows you to save Rotter's skin, and also avoid punishing old Hargreaves who provided us with such marvellous entertainment.  How we laughed!  Shame about the loss of the old butler's left leg though.  Is he still able to conduct his duties with the prosthetic limb, my dear?

Answer 2

Four out of five voices in my head say no he acted in the heat of the moment.  The last voice says he did it on purpose and is attention seeking.

Rotter told the Lady in the blue headpiece and striped gown to push him.

Answer 3

Give him back the gun, it is time for Rotter to meet his maker, whoever that was, the sod still owes me 50 quid as he bet on Hargrieves not making it and I am becoming quite fraught. Plus I have a buyer lined up for his property, an actor he tells me, had a leading role in some pirate films as a man called Jack or something.

Answer 4

Two out of three wishes is fair enough old girl, Hargrieves knows his place and won't push it. But if he does insist on knowing who pushed him in at least wait till my henchman Bongo has disarmed him. Tip top.