Question:

Peanuts at me <span title="wedding...Again....grrr....?">wedding...Again....grrr.....</span>

by | earlier

I am so allergic to nuts I use an epi and my airway constricts... Go figure I dont want them at my wedding. Mother in Law insists. Fiance and me talk last night and decide not to have them. This morning fiance calls me and says to prevent world war 111 pick up cashews...Dont exactely want to remember the wedding as a horrible event and with nuts there I can get into trouble fast... I get hives from touching them.. I am mad

Tags:

Report

Answer The Question I've Same Question Too

Follow Question

31 ANSWERS

Sort By: Date | Rating

What?!?! Does you mother in law know how allergic you are? How can she expect you to put your health at risk, any day let alone on your wedding day? Tell her you're sorry but you won't risk it. I didn't have nuts at my wedding just because I know my cousin is allergic! Whatever you do don't give in on this, it's your wedding, and your right not to risk your health. Have a doctor call your mother in law if she doesn't understand, they'll tell her how serious it is and maybe she'll listen to a professional.
Report (0) (0) | earlier
Hi.  Is it traditional to have peanuts at weddings where you live?

I live in the midwest and have been to many weddings....all WITHOUT peanuts.  I have never heard of that.

I am assuming that these go out in little dishes on the tables.

OH....now I see you are the one with the MIL who doesn't listen!! (decorating the church.)

I would definitely put my foot down.  Enlist the help of your fiance (hopefully) and the other people in your bridal party.  I can't believe she is putting your health at risk!!  The decorating thing was bad enough....now she is insisting on nuts?  Your FIANCE needs to be firm with his mother.  This is your health....not some "color" or "decorating" issue.

If you get to the hall, and, guess what?, the nuts are on the table.  I would have your bridesmaids go around and take them all off the tables and throw them in the garbage!

Geez....seems you can't win with that one!  Good luck to you.
Report (0) (0) |   earlier
Get your fiance to stand up for you to his mother. Your health at YOUR wedding is more important than what she thinks. If she is this way about your wedding, you may want to go ahead and assert your authority in your own life before she starts being the typical meddling mother-in-law. She can just get over it! You don't want to go to the emergency room on your wedding day! I have had the same kind of mother in law for over 10 years now, and trust me...you need to try to nip her controlling attitude now before world war III breaks out AFTER your married.
Report (0) (0) | earlier
its your wdding dont do something you dont want to, honestly tell your husband,. and maybe try watching monstering law with hinm the 1 with Jennifer lopez at the end the mother makes the girl eat nuts and her lip swells, its a good moving and he might learn from it, but over all do not do something you dont want to your husband should understand that

x
Report (0) (0) | earlier
I'm allergic to tree nuts, not peanuts. But in interest of not dieing on my wedding day... NO NUTS OF ANY KIND! If they want to bring nuts, tell them ok, only if you can bring a gun so the can play russian roulette too.
Report (0) (0) | earlier
Um... I'm not trying to be rude here, but do you really think it's a great idea to spend the rest of your life with a man who has no problem putting your life in danger just so his mom is happy? Seriously?? Nothing about that sounds like a good idea. You could DIE from exposure to nuts, but he wants to have them at your WEDDING so his mom isn't annoyed. That doesn't sound like a man who loves and cherishes you. If he's willing to endanger your life on your wedding day to pacify his mom (who also apparently doesn't care if you die), then you can expect to spend the rest of your life being less important to him than his mom.

How do you cope? You leave and find someone who actually loves and cares about you. Because this man obviously doesn't. Tell him that you hope he and his mom will be very happy together, and then start looking for a man who puts your health and well being before the juvenile whims of his mother.
Report (0) (0) | earlier
Mother in law doesnt decide on this day.You DO!!!!
Report (0) (0) | earlier
Wow, this woman is nuts! No pun intended.

Your fiance really needs to stick up for you, hes not doing a good job of that right now. Im sorry but he needs to tell his mother to chill out.
Report (0) (0) | earlier
just tell her no way and that your health is more important than having peanuts.. Plus its your wedding day remember that..
Report (0) (0) | earlier
nuts at a wedding??? never seen that before.. what about just wedding mints or something like that.. m&m's anything else.. I wouldn't do the nuts his family is not respecting your health and you should stand up for yourself and not have them.. it is YOUR wedding not your future mother in law's wedding. If she doesn't like the fact there aren't nuts.. TOO BAD
Report (0) (0) | earlier
It is as simple as this - if you're allergic, NO NUTS; and that will have to go for family events you attend, too.  It's a simple matter of respect for a human being and common decency.

Sorry things are off to such a rough start to you.  I hope you got someone to redecorate the church for you.

Report (0) (0) |   earlier
This is ridiculous.  It's not only blatantly insensitive for your future MIL to demand you have something you're dangerously allergic to at your wedding, it's not HER wedding.  Why is this so important to her?  I know that it's sometimes traditional or trendy these days to have small bags of nuts for the guests, but it's also just as "traditional" to have small, chocolate covered mints instead.  (Besides which, less face it;  almost nobody is ever excited to get nuts.  When was the last time you cheered on an airplane over a bag of peanuts?)

Because it seems your fiance wants to just duck his head and avoid conflict, which I suppose I can't blame him for (can't be good when your two favourite ladies are at odds), it falls to you to grab the bull by the horns.  You need to bite the bullet and call your MIL directly;  don't get angry or defensive.  Say,  "I don't understand why you feel there NEEDS to be nuts at my wedding, especially when I have such a dangerous allergy.  Isn't there something else you might like to see instead?"  That way, you're extending a hand of compromise by asking for her input in an alternative, and take it from someone who got married recently too;  the mother in law ALWAYS likes to feel like she has input in the wedding.

If she won't budge, then it's time to make a decision.  Is she the type to hold a grudge?  If so, do you really want this woman angry at you over such a small thing for the rest of your life?  I know she's being unreasonable, but I also worry that it could create a lot of unfair tension between you and your husband if he feels he's constantly having to choose between the two of you or keep you apart.  If you can safely (and I do mean SAFELY) avoid the nuts yourself, and you're really just upset she won't let you have any choice, it might be worth it to take this one on the chin and be the bigger person in the hopes of ironing things out with her eventually.

That being said, I do think she is being unreasonably difficult.  Because she's already made such drastic preparations without you, you might try pointing out (again, quietly and calmly) that since she had her choice in decorations, you should be able to handle the food and favours.  It's only fair.  Be kind and tell her you appreciate her input and everything she's helped you with (even if you don't see it that way) but you would like to be able to choose things for your special day too, so it really feels like your dream day.

It's unfortunate that this is proving so difficult for you.  I was married back in October and it was hard enough without any problems from my husband's mother.  Please consider what I've said about being the bigger person here, because I'd like the rest of your life to be as happy and stress-free as possible, but also remember that if it seems like she's deliberately, honestly just trying to be rude or nasty to you, you should stand your ground and make sure your husband knows you're not trying to be unpleasant, but that you just don't want to set a pattern for being pushed around.

I've included some links to other potential wedding favours (we did personalised mini chocolates).  Hope I helped at least a little and that your big day is happy!
Report (0) (0) |   earlier
I would pick up a small bag and hand them to the MIL...she can have her own personal stash...as far as for the reception, this is a matter of a major health concern so I would say absolutely NO on any peanuts being served.....they are not necessary to a good time at a wedding and you are highly allergic to them, if she can't understand an exposure can be deadly then her tough toenails....and your FH should stand with you on this...point out where would he rather spend his honeymoon night...with you in a honeymoon suite or waiting for you in the local emergency room...good luck.
Report (0) (0) | earlier
So many people are allergic to nuts, that they should not be part of any food at any function.

I can't believe your future mother in law would insist on having nuts there knowing that your that allergic to them.  Makes me think of the movie Monster in Law....  Put your foot down and say no.  I can't believe your fiance isn't backing you up more on this.
Report (0) (0) |   earlier
I can't believe your MIL is insisting on the presence of nuts at your wedding, with your allergic condition. That would be like my MIL insisting that I have a room full of kittens at mine! (Terribly allergic to cats...) And to make you go pick them up yourself, when she and your fiance both know you could break out in hives and stop breathing if you touch them? Heartless. Tell your fiance he needs to start standing up for you to his mom or it's going to be a bumpy marriage!!!
Report (0) (0) | earlier
What a beezy. Unless she's paying for the wedding in it's entirety, she doesn't have the power to do that. Even if she is paying for it, it's a really low thing to do. If you can't talk sense into her, maybe get one of your bridesmaids to go around before the wedding starts and trash all the nuts.
Report (0) (0) | earlier
Geez hon you're going to have a nut at your wedding one way or the other. That woman needs mental help...
Report (0) (0) | earlier
So, are you on good terms with your future mother-in-law otherwise? Does she approve of the marriage? It sure sounds like she's trying to make it a short one.

In my opinion, medical safety trumps preference.
Report (0) (0) | earlier
You should be mad!

You have to use an epi and having nuts at your reception can cost you your life.  What is this woman thinking?  She is being cruel and unreasonable, not to mention endangering your health.

Have your fiancee tell his mother he does not want to have an ambulance at his wedding to take his bride to the hospital, so no nuts of any type.  Period.
Report (0) (0) |   earlier
WOW! She's not reasonable! This is YOUR LIFE that she's toying with. I say go to her, and tell her to BACK OFF, THIS IS YOUR WEDDING. Havent she ever considered that there might be OTHER people that might be allergic to peanuts as well?
Report (0) (0) | earlier
When you and your fiance say "I do", then you are each others primary responsibility- not your parents, siblings, or anyone else. If he can't put your health and happiness before his mother's wishes now, you are in for a long road ahead. Tell him it is time to step up to his mother and protect his soon-to-be wife.
Report (0) (0) | earlier
Are the future in-laws paying for the wedding, or at least part of it?

If not, then you tell your h2b that he needs to choose now...

WWIII or him to become an early widower...

The man needs to stand up to his mommy when it come's to his bride's safety!

I swear, more and more MIL's are turning out to be just like the one in "Monster in Law" (w/ Jennifer Lopez)... didn't she try to kill her with the nut allergy thing at one point?

The point is, your future hubby should stand up for you...

Your safety should come before anyone elses likes and opinions...
Report (0) (0) | earlier
Well techinically cashews arent nuts, so you wouldnt break out from them.

I would be mad though.. as well. Personally I would call everything off. As she will only be worse after the wedding. I would call it all off till the 3 of you sat down and talked about how she was doing.
Report (0) (0) | earlier
Why would anyone want to serve peanuts at their wedding? It is supposed to be a tasteful, classy event...not a 3 ring circus with peanuts and pop corn! Put your foot down and say...no NUTS!
Report (0) (0) | earlier
Tell your future husband that you're fine picking up the cashews, but of course that would mean that you won't be attending the reception. :)

His mother-in-law needs a stern talking to, by your fiance. I didn't read the question about decorating the church but she has no right to be doing anything for your wedding without your consent first. This includes picking out the food that will be served to the guests. Your hubby to be needs to address this with her.

Oh, besides, peanuts are kinda tacky for a wedding. Makes me think of an old, smoky bar or a baseball game.
Report (0) (0) | earlier
your future husband is the one who needs to stand up to her and say no. If he doesn't I would be worried because it could mean bad things to come. She sounds controlling and it might just get worse..especially if you have kids!
Report (0) (0) | earlier
this should be a no brainer. tell her absolutely "NO NUTS"! you should not even have to worry about such trivial things. and besides, it's your wedding, not hers.
Report (0) (0) | earlier
You might want to consider what you are getting into here. Your mother-in-law needs to respect your wishes, and your fiance needs to insist that she does. If he is too weak to sand up to his mother, you will be dealing with her controlling personality for a long time, including her telling you how to raise your kids. You need to confront your fiance, if he doesnt do anything about it, you need to call off the wedding and find a real man.
Report (0) (0) | earlier
Tell her no way. Your life is non-negotiable.
Report (0) (0) | earlier
Oh yes."The Mother In Law" typical problem. If you are allergic to Peanuts your "Mother in Law" should understand. If she was allergic to something at least you would have the decency not to have it at the wedding. She is just a control freak. Don't worry about world war 111, it's your wedding, you can't be worried about inhaling any nuts. Give her the brush off, tell them they ran out of cashews. And whoever heard of peanuts at a wedding, anyways??! LOL
Report (0) (0) | earlier
Your future mother-in-law is ALREADY interfering in your life and you are not even married yet.  Put an end to her domineering ways NOW because honey its only gonna get worse as the years go by.  I mean really think about it.  She knows you're allergic but insists on having them at your wedding.  What does that tell you?  She wants to make your wedding day miserable because she's probably miserable herself.  Your fiance is not helping the situation.  He should be making it perfectly clear to HIS mother whose in charge here (You are).

Good luck with your marriage and your mother in law.  It sure sounds like you are gonna need it.

Report (0) (0) |   earlier