Penny for your thoughts...?

Question

I asked this question a while back and I got some thought-provoking ideas; I just wanted to see if anyone has a new take on the situation.

Thanks for your time!

"It's like this, essentially.

I helped a close friend out of a sticky situation a while back (she was set upon by a group of guys - they were trying to take advantage of her if you follow me) and I got some serious injuries - stab wounds - in the process, mostly to my face and ribcage. Ever since, the dynamic of our relationship has changed as she feels that she has to 'repay' me back by being super-attentive or rushing around doing whatever I want, even hinting at 'offering' herself to me. I'm trying to be subtle.

Now, for five seconds, that was quite pleasurable, but I'm starting to wish I had the old friend back.

Any ideas on what I should do? Despite mine and many other people's attempts to boost her confidence, she has quite a low opinion of herself and I don't want to do anything that might push her back into her shell.

I'd really appreciate your help.

Thanks :)"

Answer 1

I am taking it as read that she and you have had some sort of psychological help.

Perhaps she needs a hero.  You know it might be that the dynamics of the situation showed her that you are much more attractive than she once thought.

Perhaps she just fancies you.  Perhaps it's not pay back but just realisation.  She is bound to have changed towards you. It was such a serious set of circumstances.  How can things ever be the same again.  You have to move on from here.

I don't blame you for wanting to be sure her feelings are real and not just hero worship related.

Answer 2

First and foremost, Akin, what you did was heroic, and her need to  balance/repay is quite understandable. She needs to get her power back and you can help her by letting her know that she absolutely deserved a hero in her time of need. Let her know that it was divine intervention that you were there when she needed you, so there is really no need for her to repay you. You were where you were supposed to be, my friend.

Express your concerns with her honestly and with compassion. Tell her that she has lost her power, and you want to help her get it back. I'm sure she doesn't like feeling like a victim, and she probably doesn't recognize her behaviors. As her friend, you can point them out and assist her in the healing process. Trying to boost her confidence is basically a band-aid. She has her own work to do, and it's great that she has you in her support system.

Answer 3

just tell her you miss how she used to be and that the best way for her to pay you back would be to just be herself

Answer 4

it sounds like depression offer to go to doc and see a shrink with her i suffer from depression and you can be clingy you need to tell her you miss her old self and remind her of all the things you used to like doing with her make sure you stress that she was a good person before and that you are there for her it can take time but you sound like a good friend  who is prepared to be there all the way for her, she my need meds so make sure she sees a doc

Answer 5

How long ago was "a while back?"  A traumatic event like that may take quite a while to work through, so she may be acting this way because of still beiing traumatized, not only for what almost happened to her, but also from seeing her friend injured while trying to help her.  That said, I would also try to get her to agree to counseling, as she may need it to get past this, especially if she already has a low self-esteem.

Answer 6

I agree with both pixie and maggie.

I have to disagree with the answers that just say "tell her this" or "tell her that".  Having been on the receiving end of a physical attack and attempted rape, I can tell you that being put in that situation where one feels the completely helpless victim (even if rescued) is not something that ever goes away, nothing you or other friends or family can say will ever make it go away or make her all better - it's something she has to face and deal with.  She definitely needs some professional help to get through it and put it behind her.  She needs professional help to become self-empowered again.  

I would actually suggest that you both seek counseling separately, but also invite each other to a session or two of yours.  I'm guessing that she's not the only one who has changed from this ordeal, my friend, and that you both could use some help in healing the emotional scars from it.

Blessings to you both.

Answer 7

I think that you should get your friend into some counseling. The situation that you both went through could leave more than the scars on your body. You may even want to have a few sessions together. Peace&Love be with you...~M~

Answer 8

tell her you miss the way things used to be. and give her time to heal emotionally