People Raised in Foster Care: How do you feel about adoption?

Question

So, I've been reading quite a few answers in the adoption area of this website, and I've noticed that there are about 3 or 4 adoptees who speak very negatively on the subject of adoption.

So, I was wondering , for those people raised in the foster care system: How do you feel about adoption?

Do you wish that you were adopted yourself?

Answer 1

Gawd, I'll try to keep this short. I'll break it down into simple points or else I'll end up blabbing for ever.

What happened:

-birth mother became mentally ill (shizophrenia but now they think bipola), was admitted to mental hospital, court order handed me over to authorities(she wanted me).

-dad ran off

Then:

-adopted

-physically abused at 3 months, broken bones

-removed

then:

-in foster care until 5 months

-adopted out to another family, vividly remember being handed over (yes i was 5 months and remember it VIVIDLY, basically was very traumatic)

Pros:

-I got a stable life in the end, wouldn't have if I had stayed with birth mother.

-gained inner strength and the experience increased my empathy

-I may have taken my birth family for granted and wished I didnt have a mentally ill mother, now im older i know the realities of it and know she is still human.

Cons:

-Lost identity

-AP hid lots of things from me

-Trust issues and relationship problems because of repeated abandonment feelings as an adoptee

-Anger and serious emotional problems when I was 9 due to the abuse and adoption trauma

-lingering vivid memory of being separated from foster mother to be adopted (my AP never told me about this and it wasnt a dream it was a true memory)

-Confusion, depression, anxiety and other problems.

Answer 2

I think adoption is a good thing, if their were more people out there that adopted for the right reason. I was in foster care for 4-5 years went through many foster homes and never was adopted. Mostly because of my age, but also because there are alot of AP's that dont want "damaged children". They fear the children who have been sexually abused due to the possibility they might repeat learned behavior. They don't think about the fact they could help sometimes. Not all AP are like this but there are many of them. Personally as bad as my experience in foster care was, No I dont wish I was adopted. Not getting adopted did keep me from having a family as a grown up but it also made me who i am now. I know that everything in my life happened for a reason. I love who I have become. The only thing I hate is I cant provide my own support system (outside myself) for my 2 children. They dont have grandparent on my side. But hey  I'm sure one day my children will understand this. I personally dont think we all have to be adopted to turn out good, to have a good life. For me the screwed up reality of my childhood made me independent, honest, reliable, loving, and strong.

Answer 3

nope i understand what my mother had to do why try to do something u cant ..im happy now and i love every min of it

Answer 4

I was in foster care from the age of 7 until I aged out at 18.

My bio-parents rights were terminated fairly quickly because my went to prison for abuse and my mother could not get her act together.

I lived in multiple foster homes and group homes.  It sucked.  No-one ever really cared about me and I was "just a foster kid" for most of my childhood.

I wish someone had adopted me.  I kept getting placed in homes that were not ready to "handle me."  For example, I used to steal food because that was what I did in my bio-family.  We did not have food to eat, so I had to get some.  It was a survivor behavior.  When I went to a foster home, the foster parents went crazy over this.  Instead of working with me about it and having patience, they punished me over and over and over.  Obviously that is just going to make things worse.  Eventually in a couple of months, they kicked me out.

Kids that are in foster care were raised differently, so to expect them to "be normal" is wrong.  It takes time to help a child learn the behaviors and get over the fears.  I never sat at a table for dinner until I was 8 years old.  

By the time I was 13, I knew no-one was ever going to adopt me.  I was too old and too damaged.   People want babies or little kids.  Kids that are "easy" to take and fit into their worlds.

I spent my teen years in group homes.  Then when I was 18, I was kicked out of the system.  No money, no place to live, no job, no family, nothing.  

Every foster kids wishes (a) to go home or (b) to find a "forever family."    It sucks for those that don't.