People seem to keep me distant & are very aloof to me like they can sense i have a lot of problems ...?

Question

how do i handle this behaviour ?

its like from my perception no one wants to get involved with me, like iam a condemed person which people are disturbed by or whatever.

its not like i have never tried with people either, in the past i have even acted out of character to try and be overly friendly and nice to be accepted and still, people have kept their distance but been civil to me, almost like making it evident they dont want to know me.

ive had a very hard life, suffered severe hard times all my life ; bullying , abuse and rejection, iam now 30 with borderline personality and post traumatic stress symptoms.

i live alone in a one bedroom flat in england on disability, iam presentley waiting to see if the services will offer me group therpy - i have had my assesment done last week.

i own nothing except an old, dusty computer, ive never had or accomplished anything i wanted so far in life..

never formed any relationships ever - never had a job or been employed - never had qualifications.

for many years i have had major problems with aggression and rage due to the fact i was severley mercilessley bullied earlier in life......problems socialising with people.......paranoid persecution problems.........very very severe low self worth.......extreme anxiety problems......behaviour and social problems.

the biggest one has been aggression and rage which never seems to expire within me.

ive made alot of progress over the years all by myself, controlled my aggressive outbursts all by myself - i used to have aggressive outburst in public often , where i would lash out at people, shoulder barge people over , get attacked and hurt by strangers, cause myself public embarressment and humiliation........get cautioned by the police etc.

im ashamed of those actions but never did it purposfully, whilst out - the rage just used to take me over, if i felt threatened, paranoid, felt jealous of others happy lives etc..

this was many years ago, about 4 years now and ive really improved since then.

i very much still have extreme low self worth, though, deeply fear rejection, act all intimate and clingy and desperate whenever i try to get to know someone, especially females who often reject me because of this.

i get all desperate and intense , so now im even scared to reach out to people because im aware of how iam and fear rejection so badly.

i feel i dont have the social skills to know how to act different.

in the present people - i feel - are still very aloof with me - stand offish - i often feel my efforts to be friendly are often repelled or rejected - its like no one wants to know me - everyone is distancing themselves from me.

that is what i percieve, and because of this i feel socially ostracised - scared to try anything like a college course or a night class or something incase the public act this way and reject me.

i know no ways to deal with this behaviour except to feel and act aggressive which thn just further isolates me from people - like a vicious circle.

also i know im paranoid but im also intelligent and know when im being treated like this by people - so dont answer me and tell me im imagining it or its all in my head.

does anyone know how i can handle this ?

Answer 1

Well. What a lot of reading! It reads like the report of one of these less than useful reports put before a court as a means of finding an excuse for something someone has done. It is of course all rubbish and unfortunately we are all conditioned to accept this sort of thing.!

However, in reality you can overcome all your problems simply by application of your mind. Get rid of the "shouldve"" couldve" "wouldve" attitude. Everything in the universe is as it should be. Think positive. Do not think negative. Be yourself don't try to be something you are not. Find something that interest you and pursue it as a hobby or whatever - you will find that common interests will bring you friends.

I was not implying that your words are rubbish - rather the blame game trotted out by social workers and the like !

Answer 2

hi! first of all, i understand how you feel now because of the bullying, low self esteem... and i think you know the reason why people are distant and aloof. you say you "act all intimate and clingy and desperate whenever i try to get to know someone"!! nobody wants to hang around somebody who is desperate for their friendship. therefore i would advise you to look content, happy, confident, relaxed, and people will think you actually are happy, confident relaxed, and you'll be able to start little conversations...try to sound natural. find an activity you enjoy and you'll people with common interests. good luck, you've been though tough times!

Answer 3

I feel for you, but, I wholly agree with your third from final paragraph.... you ARE encountering a vicious circle.... you can sometimes react with an angry and aggressive manner as you get so frustrated when you perceive that people are socially ostracising you, but, in turn, that may lead to people avoiding you somewhat as they may perceive that you have an aggressive outlook. like you say, a vicious circle. You also come over as incredibly over sensitive maybe? ie. if you are constantly monitoring and mulling over other peoples reactions to you, then, you will in turn appear incredibly deep and intense to those around you. I'm sorry, I'm no Healthcare proffessional so I don't know what your answer is, I just hope that you get the group therapy that you want, and hope you get life sorted. good luck

Answer 4

yes u do sound intelligent , let everyone see this side of u the vunrable and human side of u. u should top looking at people and wishing u had wat they had as am sure they struggled to build ther life to, nothing is out of reach and u could have everything u have longed for, try a spot of counselling to relieve some of your feelings then start afresh. go out try and make some friends and when u do dont suffocate them or they probably will try to get away fast. just try to be open or you may end up alone. goodluck