People what do u think of this poem its my first ever plz be nice

Question

Your silence says everything... I understand.... You don't want me around anymore. Its okey.... But god it hurts.... Everytime I see your name.... I just have to remember its your choice not mine. If I could have my way, id be with you all the time. But i guess you have not spoken, but your feelings ring quite clear. I understand you dont want around, and if this your wish, I will be found... dead from a broken heart by morning, but with a smile on my face... Because if leaving you alone is what you want, then i will die doing what i need to for my love...

Answer 1

as i said i love your ending dude

Answer 2

You are defiantly on the right track! I loved how you were able to arrange your words in a way that allowed me to feel your pain, too. For a first poem you are doing great. Don't change your writing style at all. You can tell that you didn't try to "force" your words; you allowed them to just pour out while you started writing and that's good. Those who write poetry write from their hearts and without thinking about it. It's not the same as those that write novels. If poetry doesn't come from the heart it isn't all that great. When you are able to have your readers there with you and visualizing everything then you can rest assure that you have wrote a very good piece. Keep it up. I look forward to reading more from you in the future.  

Answer 3

hi, it seems to me that you wrote about very intense fellings. however, i don't understand why should we call this a poem. i mean, a poem is generally divided into lines. it isn't only a question of tipography, because every line has its own rythm and lines can even rhyme. perhaps i don't know enough the english language but i couldn't find the rhytm of what you wrote. so, i wouldn't call it a poem, but a monologue written in prose. however, as i said in the beginning, the thoughts that i found in this sentences reveal someone who can create grat literary works. maybe you shoult try writing short stories or something like that.  

Answer 4

Never mind what the last guy said...If you like your style don't change it.

There are no rules whatsoever to poetry.

As to the poem this is good for it being the first one.

8/10

My suggestion: Poetry generally sounds better if it's written correctly.

Let's say for example replace words like i with I dont with don't.

I dont know if its just me but it gives it more of a "serious poem" feeling when it's spelling is right.

Unless ofcourse it's the way you intended it.

The most important thing is that you are able to express what you want and you seem to do well at that. so on that I'll give you a 10.

But you  need to work on your vocabulary and general word choice so i'd give that a 6.

So based on that the final score is an 8/10 well done.