People who manipulate - Do you know of any clinical disorders one might have?

Question

I have a friend who I think is a "master manipulator," however, the mental health definitions I've read for manipulation don't really seem to fit. I am researching other disorders trying to find one that fits. She will not go to a general doctor much less a psychiatrist or psychologist, and thinks that everyone else is the problem. Here is just a brief list of some of the things she does:

*She "makes up" wild accusations:

--->She said that one of her uncles molested her during her childhood, which no one believes is even possible.

--->She told her Mom that she "had a grandchild she never knew about" and claimed that she buried a child in her grandparent's back yard in 1988, (she would've been 16). We assume she means she had a miscarrage.

--->She says an ex-lover handcuffed her to a bed and raped her.

*She seems to be gratified when people fight over her:

--->She would constantly take her children and leave and move somewhere else because she knew it would upset whomever she was previously living with.

--->She is constantly "playing both ends against the middle"

--->She tells one person one thing and they console her then she goes and tells someone else the opposite almost like she wants people to argue or fight over her.

*She's been addicted to prescription drugs:

--->She has been on anxiety medicines and pain medications as well as high blood pressure meds.

*She always portray's herself as a victim:

-->Regardless of the situation she tries to be the victim and creates her own version of the truth so that it fits what she wants other's to believe even though everyone else knows the "real" truth.

*She has stolen money and items:

--->She has stolen money from people

--->She has gotten her grandmothers and uncle's checking account #'s and tried to call Western Union and wire money to herself from their accounts.

--->She took her grandmother's Discover card and booked a cruise, but the card company caught it and filed it as fraud.

--->She stole and sold her grandfather's gun to a pawn shop.

******

She's 36 years old and this has been going on her entire life.

Answer 1

The best answer I have found to explain why people behave like this (yes, I'll admit I was once a very, Very, VERY manipulative person) is in the book "The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success by Deepak Chopra.

Now before you say -- this is corny....listen...

it is basically fear that leads people to behave this way.

check out my source read pages 8-12.5 and you will get more insight.

and don't frustrate yourself with this person (I need to take this advice more often myself).  try to get & read this book...you'll see things differently

Answer 2

She has at least 3 disorders in my opinion..medication can control her but nothing can heal her of it.  Sorry you are involved with this in any way.

Answer 3

Classic borderline personality disorder (BPD).

~M~

Answer 4

my cousin is bipolar and does the same thing. she also just snaps for no reason. your friend really needs to see a professional.

Answer 5

It may be some sort of personality disorder, or paranoid schizo-affetive disorder.  Sounds more like a severe personality disorder.

Answer 6

Sounds like a personality disorder.  Unless she will see she has a problem and get help for it no one can know for sure what exacly is going on, and no one can forse her to get help unless she poses a risk of harm to herself or others.  Best bet, is be her friend if you want to, but keep yourself at a distance from her, especially emotionally.  Also be aware it may be a friendship that you need to walk away from.....she has stolen from her family.....theres no reason to think that she wont try to steal from you or otherwise manipulate you or lie a about you or to you in some way to her benifit.  Just if you are going to be her friend, do it with both eyes wide open or you will likely eventually get burned too.  We cant change other people, we can only change and take care of ourselfs.  Its a lesson ive learned with my mom.....she has many of the same symptoms, but no one can tell her anything is wrong with her.

Answer 7

Sounds like a personality disorder. There isnt really much that can be done unless she decides to get help. Unfortunatley many personality disordered people believe that its everyone else who's got the problem.

She must be a difficult person to be involved with and you must be a very patient friend. I would recommend that you find out as much as you can about personality disorders for yourself so that you can understand that she is not trying to hurt you, but she is trying to survive in the only way she knows how. About the abuse and rape, etc, it is better to treat it as if it did happen and offer support becuase in her mind at least, it is real.