People who were adopted?

Question

I am not ready to have kids yet, but in the future I would like to adopt. I am trying to learn as much as I can now, so I will be prepared when the time comes. As someone who is adopted, do you have any advice for me? Are there any books you would suggest? How can I best prepare to be the parent they need me to be?

Answer 1

As a parent who gave up a child, I know that she is better off where she is and they have told her she is adopted from the start.  They took her to visit my folks every summer and sent me "things about me" books she made in school.  I sent letters from time to time but stayed out of the way.  When my mother died in 2004, I called to tell them and they asked if they could come to the funeral and spend time with me and my family.  She was 14 at the time and was wondering as all kids that age do who she was.  She was able to "meet" me and spend time with her 2 half brothers and many of my mom's sisters and their families.  We stay in contact through emails now and she did a project on my mom for school which got her involved in extended family.  

My advice, is be willing to communicate with her birth family if they so desire.  Set ground rules up front.  Some let the birth mother visit often, others just allow for some contact and mail and email.  Think on these things.

Answer 2

i am sorry but i am not much for reading books on the subject but the one thing that i will say is let the child know that they are adopted.

i have hared of kids not being told till there wedding or at the reading of a will, when i hared this i told my adoptive mother that if she did nothing alts right she did that in telling me at such a young age that i could not even say the word properly. i would be telling the child you take on as soon as they can speak.

don't take it personally if they wont to find there birth parents ether as it is just in most cases something that we need to be able to find owe true identity and to help us understand way it was that they where not able to live with them

Answer 3

This is all good advice....NEVER EVER LIE ABOUT IT...NEVER make it a secret....a secret can be shameful...there is no need to keep adoption a secret.

Answer 4

I am adopted and my parents told me from a very young age. I went to school and told the other kids I was special because my parents got to pick me out and their parents were just stuck with them. :)

Answer 5

My best advice:  Remember that your adopted child has another family.  That doesn't mean you aren't family.  That doesn't mean you didn't love him/her enough.  That doesn't mean that s/he doesn't love you.  They may want to talk about it.  Find out all you can and talk to your child.  

Some books to read:

* "Being Adopted: The Lifelong Search for Self" by Brodzinsky, Schecter, and Henig

* "The Primal Wound" by Nancy Verrier

* "Journey of the Adopted Self" by Betty Jean Lifton

Also, you may want to find and read adult adoptees' blogs.  You can find a list here:

http://www.adultadoptees.org/forum/index...

Good luck to you.

ETA:  When I said, "find out all you can," I meant about the first family.  The more you know, the better able you will be to answer your child's questions.  (Sorry, I realized that was unclear.)

Answer 6

Allie, why do you think it would be better to raise other people's children as opposed to you own?

Life is alot less complicated when families are kept INTACT.  I think you need to explore WHY you have this desire.  It's not really normal.

http://www.adoptioncrossroads.org

http://www.origins-usa.org

http://www.babyscoopera.com

http://www.birthmothers.info/index.html

http://www.angelfire.com/or/originsnsw/w...

Good article:

http://www.angelfire.com/or/originsnsw/w...

Answer 7

I think the first step should be to actually identify your reasons for wanting to adopt.  That a very young person would ASPIRE to adopt seems very odd to me.

Answer 8

Bravo to you for asking!!!  I'm not an adoptee.  I'm a PAP, adopting from foster care.  I'm also at work right now and can't stay on long.  But feel free to email me if you've got any questions you think I might be able to answer.