Perfectionism when writing to people

Question

I think I have Social Anxiety Disorder. I have very low self-esteem and get extremely shy. I never feel relaxed if people are around.

One symptom of my problem which really irritates me is when I have to write an e-mail, text message, wall post to one of my friends. It takes me forever! I write something, then delete it and re-write, re-write, edit, think it sounds stupid or boring or that they won't write back, or that they will realise that i'm not that special and won't want to keep in contact with me anymore.

I perfect each message so as to minimize the risk of them rejecting me - I think I can make myself come across more likable.

I hate it, but it's like I can't help it. I can't just write freely, the process is so painstaking, and afterwards I find myself worrying about whether I've written something good enough that will keep them interested in me. In the meantime, my identity pays the price, I don't know who I am , I feel like I mould myself to cater to other people's likes and dislikes, my identity changes person-to-person so that I can make that person like me because I like them and don't want to lose their friendship or potential friendship.

What can I do? :(

Answer 1

I'm with you there kind of. Last year I had a lot of trouble with writing. It would take me FOREVER to start! I also used to have that with e-mails like the person would think what I wrote was awkward.

A good idea is to read it over and then send it. Don't read it over too much. Just press send and relax. Like what can someone say like" Hey, you missed a comma." Trust me, people aren't going to criticize your writing. People will stay interested... unless its a long boring research paper but if its a text/e-mail/wall post it should be fine.  

Answer 2

Your not alone.  I get quite concerned about my ability to write the English language.  Yahoo Answers has helped me feel a little better.

I notice that other people make small mistakes and this does not make me form a bad opinion about the person.  Remind yourself that we are all human.  It's what is behind the words that matters, not the words themselves.   Put your heart into what you write and it will be just fine.

You are a good person and this will show through.  Good Luck.

Answer 3

I have the same thing to a certain extent, even if I'm writing an two or three line email or a short blurb on the bottom of a memo to someone, I have to make sure that everything is perfect. If I'm not completely sure about a spelling, I either have to check it or rephrase the entire sentence to avoid it!

We had a chance at work recently to submit anonymously our thoughts about our managers, our job positions, the way we thought about the job motivation etc. Although there are hundreds of people in our company and there’s no way of knowing who wrote each comment, my friends joked that mine would stand out because it would be grammatically perfect and edited to have both good and bad things mentioned, to make sure it was fair! And to be honest, I was careful not to write anything that might incriminate me or make me look bad to the managers because I half knew they had a point – I was very easy to identify!!

It’s worse still if I handwrite a note – I can write a whole page of A4 and make a tiny mistake at the end, maybe accidentally cross an L or double loop an E or something, and I have to rewrite the whole thing. It’s very frustrating!

I don’t have any advice for you, I’ve always been this way, but on a positive note I think it shows that even though we’re probably a bit irritating to other (my husband gets very annoyed at me when I’m writing Christmas cards and have to buy extra envelopes because I’ve written the address slightly wonky!) at least we’re thorough and it shows that we care about what we write. Perhaps in this day and age, that’s not a bad thing.

It might help to think about how you feel when you read someone else’s comments or emails, if they’ve typed something not worded as well as they could have put it, how do you feel?

I’d like to say that I’ll throw caution to the wind with this, and just submit without checking it through… but we both know I won’t. ;-)

Answer 4

I know exactly what you mean i am a perfectionist too.i won't tell you where you made your mistakes in this message because you'll kick yourself for not looking carefully.LOL. we make mistakes it happens to the best.with me everything has to be perfect and that is why i tend to never finish a project because it is never good enough.with writing i have friends that will e-mail me with shortcut words like "k" for ok,or as an example "I'll b there 4 u"i can't do that i"ll write the same but the whole word " I'll be there for you"LOL. it's hard but oh well.good luck with your writing skills oh by the way the mistakes were "realise is realize" "mould is mold" just loosen up people know what you are writing even if you use one letter words. c u l8r .lol

Answer 5

i suffer from this as well~

i do get treated for generalized anxiety and i am very shy and was always sort of a perfectionist.

the biggest problem i have when writing is when i have to email someone i don't know, like when requesting information. i will sit there and stare at computer for several minutes before i figure out what i want to say or how i'm going to express what i want to say. sometimes i will write things down on index cards so i don't forget all my important points. for some reason i want it to sound "professional" (o yeah and i always use a thesaurus to use different adjectives to make whatever i'm writing sound more intriguing)

now as for texts- i always feel compelled to spell out the entire word. i don't know if it's because of T9 or i really don't want any misunderstandings because when people write that stuff like BTW i think they mean by the way but for some reason i'm like it could mean between and i start getting confused

also when i text my husband i always call him things like baby sweetie and honey and i always have to try to remember what i called him the last time i sent him so he's not just baby this and baby that and baby baby baby. i want a little variety i guess.

now with all that being said i don't think it is related much with the anxiety part as it is more of an obsessive compulsive behavior but i think that the anxiety may intensify the feeling of caring more what the other person on the receiving end may perceive.