Personal and Heartfelt Poem About a Dear Friend: What Do You Think?

Question

When you pressed your tender lips to mine, something happened:

And it wasn’t tawdry or unfeeling.

It wasn’t vulgar or even sexual.

It was filled with so much love, and genuine caring.

You taught me that kindness, encouragement, and true friendship could be found in a kiss.

You showed me the delight of platonic love.

It was something I had never known, and that I hope never to forget.

Answer 1

It really doesn't read like a poem would...maybe put more analogies or creative writing techniques...it is just sentences.  It seems like it could be a letter instead of a poem

Don't take offense...you wanted opinions

Answer 2

I love how you disentangle the sexual from the spiritual while the biological serves as a meeting ground for the two.  Frankly, this poem speaks volumes about your character and the relationship that you share with a person very special to you; I don't think that a critique of your poem is appropriate at all.  This poem is more than a poem; it is love manifested in verse, beyond any human systems.  I'm touched, not by your craft but by your sincerity.  As a critic of poetry, I could address your diction, your form, your fulfillment of the objective correlative, but technique, I think, would get in the way of your meaning.  Just beautiful.

Answer 3

Very sweet sentiments and a great start; however, I feel you've delivered the first stanza or emotion. With such a profound moment, naturally your readers would want to know more of the two participants, if your willing.

Write on!

I'm not sure if your spacing is designed with purpose or just random. Use the stanza, in free verse, to draw out emotion or suspense or both.

For example:

When you pressed your tender lips to mine

something happened

And it wasn’t tawdry or unfeeling

It wasn’t vulgar or even sexual.

It was filled with so much love

And genuine caring.

You taught me that kindness,

encouragement, and true friendship

could be found in a kiss.

etc, ect, ect. These are your words; however, a carefully created stanza creates much needed anticipation that demands your readers' attention, or at least I think so. I hope that helps.

Write on!