Picking a wedding date? Any conflict there for you??

Question

Ok, i'm engaged to the love of my life!! We are both loving planning our wedding, and picking things out for it. Our only problem.... the date!! Every girl dreams of her wedding from the time shes old enough to imagine it. I have always wanted a outside Summer Wedding. I have always thought May would be a good month, not to hot, not to cold. Our only problem.... his sister is getting married in June and he doesn't want to get married before his sister!! Its driving me crazy!! His sister lives w/ her fiance, in another state, her fiance has a kid, so she is step mom also, and we are living with our parents, (looking for a house) without kids, and I have to wait. I respect the fact that he wants his older sister to get married first but why should I have to wait when they are basicly married, they just haven't had the wedding yet??? I don't want to sound selfish but seriously?? I'm having to wait to start my life w/ him because his sister has already started her life, she just hasn't had a wedding yet....... next date problem.... I decided July would be a good month if I have to wait. That would give his parents enough time to recover from his sisters wedding, and it would still be summer. Well his best man is going to medical school (3 hours away) and so they decided it would better to wait until August (my huge busy month every year) so he would be out of school. Can't he just come home for ONE satuday!!! Its 3 hours!! I even offered to fly him in and pay the airfare or his gas! We never fight.... we never have, but this is becoming a major conflict between us!! We finally decide August 8th might be a good date, EXCEPT we both want a outside wedding, and the week of August 1st, thru like August 15th it pours rain here almost every night. Any ideas on what to do??? Should I just leave the date as is? Should I ask him to move the date again?? Why does it matter that his sister get married before us?? Any advice would be greatly appriciated!!! Thanks!!!

Answer 1

How about September?  It's usually a very lovely month, weather-wise, and it's still technically summer until September 21.  I'm getting married next September 5, and we're doing the whole outdoor wedding-very summery, barefoot, etc.  If it should happen to rain, we'll just move the whole thing to our reception venue and get married there, no big deal.  Also, if you wait until September, you won't have to stress about getting married right in the middle of your busy month.  Just plan a contingency venue in case of inclement weather and you'll be fine.

Answer 2

If you would go back and read your post with an unbiased eye, you would see that it DOES sound selfish.  

You are basically saying that your wedding is more important than his sister's just because she is living with her mate and they have a child.  That sounds awfully judgemental.  

I applaud your fiance for his sensitivity to his sister and his family.  You are getting quite the catch!

You didn't say where you live but September is a great month where I live.  It's still warm enough to be outside and the chance of rain is very low.  It's unlikely to be hot and uncomfortable.

There's an extra bonus that many of the leaves start to change colour which adds extra beauty to the surroundings.

Good luck.  I'm sure you'll come up with a solution you both like.

Answer 3

Leave the date.

Trust me, when you're with the one you love, the little stuff just doesn't matter like it used to.

I had always dreamed of a outdoor spring wedding, but we had to schedule our wedding according to when my fiance's brother is expected home on military leave. So instead of my outdoor spring wedding, we are having an indoor fall wedding.

Not the way I wanted it, but the end result is the most important: I will be marrying the man I love! :) Good luck to you...

Answer 4

I'm in the minority in these situations because I firmly believe that if a close relative has already set their date, you shouldn't schedule yours for three months before or after it.

Why, you ask? Because if it's a close relative, a lot of the same guests will be involved as well, and then then have double duty (including travel, outfits, hair and make-up for those IN the wedding), gifts, childcare if necessary, time off work, etc.).

Some will tell you, "It's YOUR day, do whatever you want," or "Your future sister-in-law doesn't own the calendar," but honestly, weddings are not just about the bride and groom. Other people are involved and affected as well. If I were the bride, and we set our date before you guys, I would be kind of ticked that you set your date just before us. It's an official rule in my family that you just don't do that for many reasons.

And just because your future sister-in-law has already "settled down" so to speak, that doesn't give her any less right to get married, so that shouldn't even be taken into situation.

There are SO many other options for you. May is not the only warm month in the calendar year. Not sure where you live, but what about September? That's when we're getting married and the weather is perfect in NY that time of year.

I would highly suggest you choose another date. Take your future sister-in-law's feelings into consideration here. Your fiance is right in this situation. He's being respectful, as should you.

Answer 5

You can talk to her sister and see if she minds.  Tell her to think about it before answering.  She may feel you are cutting in front or she may not mind!

If that doesn't work and you want may, wait another year.  That's more time planning and saving  

Answer 6

I think you have to respect his wishes about not getting married before his sister.  If it's important to him, it's important - that's all there is to it.  

I think early Aug would be terrible for an outside wedding, even if it didn't rain it would be way to hot to be outside.  I would look around for an indoor venue that you like and can be excited about.  If that's impossible you should postpone to Sept or Oct for those lovely fall temps.  

Don't get to caught up in the "Dream Wedding".  It's real easy to become a bridezilla when you worry to much about things that don't really matter in the grand scheme of things.  I don't mean that you are a bridezilla now but just try to keep things in perspective.  

Answer 7

As the wife of a medical student, I can assure you that coming home for even ONE Saturday IS a huge problem for a med student. Sure, the wedding itself is only three hours, but that's not including travel time, prep time, rehearsal dinner, etc. My husband's first month of medical school, he was in a wedding (he had agreed to be in it before being accepted to med school), and he had a test the following week - he failed it. And he's gotten nothing but straight A's the rest of his time in med school. Medical students literally need every possible hour to study. It doesn't seem like a big deal to you because you're not in medical school, but I can assure you that it is.

As for the other issues - this problem (picking a date) is going to be one of the smaller arguments that you'll have throughout married life. Setting a precedent of solving problems together maturely and lovingly will go a long way in marriage. If you can't decide this without a fight, you'll find it difficult to discuss money or how to raise children without fighting. Sometimes, marriage means compromise, and it looks like this is one of those times.

As a side note, I always wanted a May wedding, too. When my husband and I got engaged, we very quickly realized that a summer wedding wouldn't work at all (again, because of medical school). He wouldn't have found out what his med school rotation schedule was until March, and that's obviously not enough time to plan a summer wedding. The only time that worked for us was during his Christmas break, so we ended up getting married two days before Christmas. Had we had the luxury of picking any month to get married, I never would've picked a winter wedding, but in retrospect, I'm SO glad that we had to have it then. My wedding was beautiful and unique, and I wouldn't have changed it for the world.

I know a lot of little girls grow up imagining their weddings, but part of growing up is trading in the fantasy of the wedding day for the reality of choosing to spend forever with the person you love - whenever and however you can make it work.

Answer 8

His sister’s wedding matters because it matters to the love of your life. Good for him for thinking of her.

I really wanted an outside wedding too, but ended up falling in love with an indoor venue. We took tons of pics in a local park though so I got the best of both words – pretty pics & air conditioning!

You can move the date until you start booking stuff. Either move the date, or move inside – or pick a location that offers an alternate indoor space in the event of inclement weather. The option is out there if you search for it.

You can’t please everyone. Pick a date, and if it doesn’t work for a couple of people, oh well. There will always be some kind of conflict.  

Answer 9

Ha ha.... I have always wanted a fall wedding. Unfortunately I'm marrying someone who's entire immediate friends and family bow hunts so September through December is out. Of course we could have chose a fall weekend, but it would have made a lot of people unhappy (including the fiance). My second choice would have been in spring but one of my closest friends is getting married in May and I'm not going to piggyback on her wedding and steal her thunder. So we settled on August 28th/29th (doing small ceremony on the 28th and having a celebration picnic the next day).

Main point, you can't choose a day that will make everyone happy but you try your best. How do you know for sure that it will be raining on 8/8??? Just arrange a rain plan. :)