Question:

Planning a wedding and helping with a divorce??

by  |  earlier

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is this just bad luck?

I am planning my own wedding and I am trying to help a very good friend of mine file her divorce!! It is very stressful! I want to be there for her. I know the divorce is greatly needed but I seem to be helping out alot. Keep in mind I am not focusing on my wedding..... Am I being SELFISH?? Is this bad luck for me??

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7 ANSWERS


  1. Your friend's divorce does not mean ANYTHING for you and your fiance. Do not think of it as unlucky - it's awful for your friend, but it has no significance for your own wedding.


  2. This isn't the answer you want but it's a bad policy to get  involved in a divorce. It will always come back and cause you trouble some way or other.

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  4. 1.  She needs legal advice.  With three children, she needs to protect both her rights and those of her children.

    Can she contact legal aid?  Or your state's bar association?  She needs find a way to get legal help, even if she needs to borrow some money to do so.

    She has to have an attorney.  The attorney may even be able to have her hubby pay (or repay her) the attorney fees.  But she must have an attorney.

    2.  Find her a divorce recovery group.  Many churches (and sometimes hospitals) sponsor divorce recovery groups at little or no cost to the divorced person.

    She gets support . . . and you get some free time.  You can encourage her to gradually turn more to the group for support.

    3.  Get her this book

    Rebuilding: When Your Relationship Ends

    by Bruce Fisher (Author)

    It is available at amazon.com.

    Tell her to read it . . . and read it more than once.  

    I think you both will  be better off if you encourage her to gradually find support elsewhere . . . . from family, from an attorney, from a divorce recovery group.  

    And no, it is certainly not bad luck for you or your wedding.  And no, you are not selfish.  But your pal may need more support than you can give at this time.

  5. Sorry to hear about your friend and her divorce.  I don't think it's bad luck for you because you're learning more about your friend and why the marriage didn't work out.  Later, when you've been married for several years......remember what you're learning now so you can try to prevent a divorce of your own.

  6. It isn't bad luck.  Your duties as a human with feelings and sympathy don't stop just because you are planning a wedding.

  7. Why are you helping her so much?  Doesn't she have a divorce lawyer?  I know it sucks to have to be there for a friend during something as devastating as a divorce, especially right as you're trying to plan your "happily ever after" wedding (the last thing you need to hear about is divorce, right?)  I think your friend will totally understand if you need to take a break from all the divorce talk.  Also, in sort of a perverted way, I actually think helping with the divorce while planning your wedding might actually serve to strengthen the bond between you and your future husband- sometimes a cautionary tale about how a marriage can end up if you're both not careful to be strong partners for one another can really cause you to focus on the "marriage" aspects, rather than the "wedding" aspects of getting married.

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