Please, help me with this poem?

Question

(this is the fixed version of a previous post...somehow, the format keeps getting messed up! )':)

Basically, what I need from you is: a) a critique, and b) an idea of what YOU thought this poem was meant to represent. This was for a school assignment, and I often have a hard time meeting the regimented standards- TELL ME everything that seems wrong to you. Here 'tis:

Broken Butterfly Crowns

The weakened flutter of broken wings,

Such a woeful sigh of fallen kings.

Frail, an orange-robed Monarch flutters,

Like an adolescent heart, stutters...

Pulsing unevenly, newly hatched,

From a cocoon of silky thatch.

Feelings fall through, life's trials so rough,

Small paper wings fold, not bold enough.

Too untried to complete the journey,

The tiny prince pauses by the sea.

Courage lost to a dark, endless wall,

Our Highness cries, can't attend the ball.

Blood shines silver in the pale moonlight,

Mourning lost chances at last birthrights.

Answer 1

i see nothing wrong with it at all

Answer 2

hmm im not really sure if i get this.....

tell me if you like mine

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;...

Answer 3

When i read this i was looking for drama, intrigue, which i didn't find. Then in the last couple of lines in your additions

Here, where my orange robe fades to blue,

Colour of a fragile, broken youth.

Absolutely Brilliant!!!

Now  if you can carry on the comparisons using the Butterfly, i think you will have a wonderful poem.

Answer 4

It is a pretty poem and methphor,  Maybe tighten it up a bit.

Answer 5

The line in the third verse, "Our Highness cries, can't attend the ball" seems off to me. Other than that, it's pretty good. My first drafts never turn out this good.

To me, the poem talks about how hard adolescence can be, the stress and pain in  life.

Answer 6

I only read it once, but I did not really get the point.   Are the butterflies symbolizing life?  Do you want the tone to be happy, sad, angry, gloomy,  what?  

I think it would help if you would clarify some of these things.  If you do not know what you want, how do you expect others to figure it out? But the great thing is, you can choose the answer.