Please, please, please help. Desperate advice needed.?

Question

I feel so stupid. I’m such a f****ing idiot. I can’t believe I did something so stupid, and that I actually thought…

Here’s what happened. Last night a friend managed to convince me to go out, said I needed some time to forget and just let go for once. I finally agreed and we went up to one of our local places. Well of course, my ex was there, which is what I didn’t know. I tried to leave but he caught sight of me before I could. He came up and asked me to dance, and I said yes without really thinking. For a few minutes it felt like all the **** of the past 24 hours or so had just left and

everything was perfect again, and he loved me.

We went back to my place (I know, I know, stupid, please don’t berate me, done enough of that myself), and I think you can imagine what happened there. Although he was more forceful than normal, which isn’t like him. But then, looking back, I guess I don’t know what he’s like at all any more… anyway, about half way through, I hear a giggle. I thought it was him, and didn’t think much of it. He kept asking me to look at him and no one else - I thought maybe he was just being cheesily romantic, and thought ‘whatever’. To be honest I was too happy that everything seemed to be okay again to really care. I even told him I loved him.

Some moments later I heard a weird clicking sound. I turned, thinking maybe that someone had walked in on us… and I was wrong.

My *sister* stood there with a camera, recording everything. My ex got up, smirked at me, and threw on a coat and left. Since then I’ve been shaking and vomiting. I only JUST managed to stop being sick about half an hour ago, but I’m still shaking.

I can’t believe they did that. I don’t understand why they did that. And why was my sister watching? Doesn’t she care about me at all??

Please, I need some advice here. I don’t know what to do and I feel so humiliated. I can’t tell any friends, because it seems a few already know - heard them laughing as they came in last night (or am I paranoid)? Got a text from the ex this morn also saying ‘last night was fun, you’re still good’, which just… I can’t even say how it makes me feel.

My life is being ripped apart more than it already was and i feel as though somehow i should have seen all this coming and that it's my fault for not being who he wants me to be - who *they* want me to be. (Is it normal for your ex to hit you in order to arouse himself?????)

What do I do? Please, no smarmy comments, I can’t deal with that right now.

Answer 1

I know you feel betrayed by him,I sure would. I can't believe your sister stood there taking pictures of you both together like that. She and him really set you up bad.My question is, does your sister have a thing for him,our is she just his pal. If I were you I'd be real bad at the both of them,and I wouldn't stay mad I'd get even. Watch them closely for the next couple of weeks,see if you pick up on something between them. Then get yourself a good camera and recorder,and just buy some time.Then when they least expect it,hit them hard and dirty just like they did you.  

Answer 2

Hun, I'm so sorry. This wasn't fair to you at all and what they did to you was disgusting.

I really can't give you any advice than to go talk to a professional. It's hard right now to trust anyone, but you can trust them. They're supportive, understanding people who want to help. That's why they took that job.

You're not stupid. So going to club wasn't a great idea, but you didn't know that at the time. And dancing with your ex wasn't a great idea either, but people make mistakes. The most important thing to know is that this isn't your fault. People make mistakes sometimes, but your ex and your sister are the ones who decided to turn a sack session with your ex into something much worse.

I think it's important too that you express your anger. Not to them because that'll only fuel their horrible egos. But, again, to a therapist because she can help you find the right way to express it so you don't end up hurting yourself.

Believe me, everyone has had those times when we feel completely lost and in over our heads and angry and hurt. Not talking to someone and not going through the proper channels of expressing your anger will only hurt you. The best revenge is showing those people that they haven't hurt you as much as they hoped.

Also, someone hitting you is abusive. Talking to someone will help you cope with that abuse. It's never okay. It sounds like you have a lot more going on in your head than just this incident. I know I sound like a broken record, but go talk to a therapist. I promise they can help.

One more thing, you'll never know why your sister and ex did this. A good person can never really understand why someone could be so malicious. Don't worry yourself over WHY they did it -- just tell yourself that their horrible ******* a******s and leave it at that. Focus on you. That's the only person you have control over.

EDIT: Also, about the tape. If you can get it back without getting into a horrible confrontation, then try to. If you can't, then forget about it. The tape isn't what's important here. You are important.

Answer 3

Well that sucks I wont lie. It seems they taped something that obviously should not have and that was wrong. At this point with all the back talk and gossip you really need to confront him about what the h**l was going on. I would turn that depression into some rage! You got video taped, you never know where that tape could end up. I would go back to his house(assuming you know where he lives) or confront your sister, find the tape, smash it and kick his ***. You don't need to put up with that and your sister is not a good person at all for even agreeing to something like that.