Please ,i want you to read and say what do you think ,,its the first thing i do ?

Question

I will travel to the sky

I will vanish from here and die

And when they ask me how life was alike

I will tell them nothing worth a try

I m not saying that cause I m angry

Nor miserable or sad

I m saying what I really feel

After I got smashed so many times

And who is going to carry my soul

To the edge of the world again

Who would just miss me?

While I was invisible with pain

i will walk my path to the end

And bend my knees to cry

And when they ask me, I will pretend and turn my face and fly

I don’t read any poems

What should I do with them?

And who am to write them

what would they do me or why

Answer 1

There's one or two mildly promising allusions in there, but the whole thing doesn't really stand up as a piece of poetry.

You sound kind of young to me and most people try out writing poetry in their youth.  Fine, but if you are serious about getting better you will do the opposite of what you assert in your piece and read some good poetry.  You have to think to really get it, and if you do it will stay with you.  This doesn't but really getting to grips with some great verse might inspire you to work harder next time.

Good luck.

Answer 2

id say "cheer up"!

Answer 3

wow i think it is lovely and i know how dificult is to write or express the right feelings. i'm also write but for me it's quiet dificult, i've got my head full of ideas but when i start writing they suddenly disappear.

well, i think you should continue writing.

best wishes

besos

Answer 4

Why is every poem I ever read on here so gloomy - always about pain and misery. Doesn't anyone write poetry when they're happy?

I think that if this is a personal reflection of how you feel, fine - but if this is an attempt to write something publishable then I have to say your rhythm and attempts at rhyming are all over the place.

Poems don't have to rhyme, but if that's what you're intending you need to do it right.

Sorry, just what I think.

Answer 5

I think you feels so sad and you like to dye. But i like to say that every obstacles and trials come and came to your life has an end. so don't think about the death, it is automatically came & not wished! many people miss you if you die.

Answer 6

such a GREAT POWERFUL poem!!!  *thumbs up*

i have some notes if u dont mind: Who would just miss me = am not sure about the "just"

-How would just miss me, while I am invisible with pain = better

-And who am I to write them = the  " I "

-What would they do me or why = am not sure about that one neither.

well, there's what I think about your poem, it's such a beautiful poem, I recommend u u to keep writing n keep trying, I myself write too, it helps u get rid of alot of preblem n stuff......any way good job n keep up the good work!!

Hope I helped..  ^_^"

peace xx

Answer 7

wow such feeling and power your great at this