Please Dont Judge me?

Question

I gave birth 3 weeks and was forced into adoption. I had been in the abusive relationship for 2 years. And threaten to kick me out on the street with no money. Theres a lot more to the story but I wanted to know if there is any way to reverse my adoption. I am crying everyday and this is killing me. I left the husband and back with my family.

Any help will me so helpful

Thanks

Answer 1

Please get yourself a lawyer - and get your baby back NOW.

I'm an adoptee - I've lived without my mother for 38 years.

Don't make your baby live without you for any longer.

Adoptive parents can go find themselves another baby - they always do.

This is YOUR baby.

This baby belongs TO YOU.

Don't cause a lifetime of grief for both of you - get your baby back.

Call out for help from whomever can help.

Many great suggestions have been added here.

I'm wishing you all the very best.

Answer 2

was it opened or closed adoption??if it was an opened adoption than im sure u could reverse it i dnt know.. talk to the adoptive parents about it.. explain things thats all i can say hun sry wish i was of more help.

Good luck

Answer 3

you should have  a certain amount of time b4 the case is closed

for my parents my biological parents could come get me for the first 3 months I believe

I was adopted at birth though

3mnths to a year so just go to the agency where the ppl adopted your baby from and tell them, but I don't think you'll need a lawyer they just cost my adoptive parents big money

Answer 4

Find out what the time for birthmothers to change their mind in your state is.  If you have signed your rights over, there is a very small chance, but talk to a lawyer, that would be the best way to find out what your chances are.  Just remember that your baby has been with the adopted family for 3 weeks and the baby and family have now bonded.  Your going to break all their hearts...but I understand you have to do what you have to do.

Answer 5

go talk to the adoptees and see if there is away you can have a joint relationship with your child. she is your child and  you should be able to still get your child back. go to the adoption agency and tell them your felling and what you were going through at the time you gave your child up and see if there is any thing you can do.

good luck and hopefully you and the adoptive parents can work some thing out where no one will get hurt. also congrats on getting out of the abusive relationship.

Answer 6

Honey, I would never judge you! There are a couple of things that you can do:

1) You need to go to an attorney immediately and get a consultation.  Many attorneys will do this at no charge.

2) There are laws protecting birthmothers who feel as if they were forced into adoption and it was not their choice.  Go to your states website and type adoption in the search box.  It should pull up the states' laws regarding adoption if you want to research it yourself.

Also, I gave my child up for adopton and it does take some time after you give birth for the adoption to be finalized.  During this period of time, you do have the right to take your child back.  

Please get some counseling.  I know how hard it is to go through an abusive relationship, a divorce, and an adoption.  It must be very painstaking for you.  You need to work through these things in order to move on with your life.  Especially, if you are considering being a single mother.  I am a single mother of a 4 year old and it is very difficult but worth it!

I hope this helps and God Bless You!

Answer 7

If you are joking or lying, this is not funny!

If you are serious, you need to contact a lawyer immediately.  This time, make it a good lawyer.  The lawyer you had handle your adoption obviously didn't do a very good job of qualifying you!

Didn't you discuss the options with the lawyer or judge?  What happened to you is called diress, and it is proper cause to nullify the adoption.

Answer 8

why didn't you leave BEFORE the baby came? if your family is helping you know wouldn't' they have helped you then.....once the ADOPTION IS FINAL there is nothing you can do........you signed away your rights.

i am an adoptive mother and once my ADOPTION WAS FINAL.....IT WAS FINAL

now, if you haven't gotten there and the child is just in foster care i believe you have a chance...you'll need an attorney.

**ADD** as an adoptive mother your responses to this question have hurt me.... you make adoptive parents sound like tyrants.......we are NOT the ones who are walking away from our children we are the ones that take them in with open arms. ( circumstances vary, i know) from day one i have been dreading the day i have to tell my son about his adoption because i was fearful that he would hate me because i wasn't his "real" mother...thanks for the confirmation.  ADOPTIVE PARENTS have FEELINGS to! we are NOT the bad guys

Answer 9

The BEST interest of the child is to be with her mother--YOU- not the adoptive family.  I wish my mother had come back to get me--I never "bonded" with the family I was given to.  After 22 years I reunited with my mother and we are very close, and have been for 23 years.  But we will NEVER have my childhood back.  Material goods seem important in the short term.  Lack of $ is temporary.  You will have money and things later--I promise!  Loss of your child is permadent.  Your child deserves to be mothered by you--which is what nature intended!  CALL THE LAWYER!  They will help you.  Good luck.

Answer 10

You have up to six months to change your mind.  I know this simply because my son is adopted and the biological mother had me served with court papers within a week of the six month deadline.  

Whomever you went through to give your baby up, contact them and tell them that you have changed your mind.  It isn't too late.  You also might need an attorney.

However in my case, I did get to keep my son.  I was married, my son had a good home, and she was a drug addict.  

The ink isn't dry yet on the paperwork.  There is a waiting period before anyone can get an adoption completely through the courts.  Good luck to you.

Answer 11

revoke your consent to the adoption immediately!! some states only have  30 day maximus to revoke your consent to the adoption, and other states have less than that!! You need to contact the agency and a lawyer, revoke your consent to the adoption. If you're in contact with the adoptive parents I'd tell them immediately. Please contact origins or me and I can put you in touch with some people who have revoked consent and can help you step by step through the process. Please tell me the state you're in!! [e-mail]

email me!! You can do it!! The best thing for your child is YOU. Don't worry about guilt for the adoptive parents, its not about pleasing them, its about doing whats right for your child. You're with your family, away from the abuse and you and your child need eachother!! you can do this!

Answer 12

don't wait any minute get your child back. Tell the adoption company that you want your child back as soon as possible, them if they refuse or try to threaten you them go see a lawyer and right now and have him help you out with the case right now please don't wait and don't even worry about how the adoption parents would feel ( of course they will feel bad but there are plenty of children to adopt out there, children that really need them more than your child ) becauce you need your child, and she/he needs you don't let it go. Fight for it or else it will be too late and you will have to leave with it for the rest of your life. Good luck and keep up posted. You might want to go online and see what are the law regarding adoption in your state ( Up to how long a birth mother can decise to take her child back)

You have pretty good chances because it was you decided to give her up then have a chance of mind and want her back.

Best of luck, best of wishes, and lot of love. Good luck

Answer 13

Yes, contact a lawyer immediately.  Time is of the essense.  Contacting the agency/lawyer without an attorney will simply result in runaround until you are past the limit.  While I'm sympathetic for the adoptive parents, it is YOUR CHILD not theirs.  

Many states allow reversal of adoption up to 6 months after the birth due to changing circumstances.  Some only 30 days.

Answer 14

See a lawyer and do it now. I wish I had. I cried for 29 years until I found my birthdaughter. Every birthday, every christmas, every time I saw a baby, and when my son was born.

Answer 15

No, I don't judge you at all. You have suffered so much, and clearly you love your baby.

I agree that the agency's first priority is the fees they will lose if the adoption doesn't go through. Don't tip them off first, or the adoptive parents, until you have spoken to a lawyer! And don't ask for an "open" adoption: it's not legally binding, so they could promise you anything and the instant the adoption is finalized they can tell you "tough luck" (happens all the time) and there would be nothing you could do.

Nine months of caring for that baby is worth fighting for. If your family is going to be there to help you, you can make it. An adoptee spends their entire life not fitting in anywhere, and wondering who they are and why their mom didn't want them. Adoption is a last resort, for when it really is the only solution.

Answer 16

first i want to say that i am happy you left that destructive relationship, i just wish you had done it while you were still pregnant and had your baby with you right now. the problem is the adoption agency might fing you emotionally unfit to care for the child given situtation, but that is just plain stupid on their part. you should really go back to them and talk to them and bring someone with you. it is always wise to have a backup. they might have questions themselves that you will not think of and could be very helpful. i wish you the best.

Answer 17

It depends on your state's waiting period for an adoption to be final.  I've heard that in some states, it's final at birth...in some, it's six months after placement.  Check what your state laws are & go from there.  You could probably find out on http://www.adoption.com/ by going on the forums and asking.  You could probably also call an adoption agency and ask them.

One thing to consider is whether or not, with this difficult situation, you'd consider making the adoption an open adoption if the adoptive parents would be willing to agree.

The thing people need to keep in mind is that adoption is about what is best for THE CHILD not the birth mother, not the adoptive family...THE CHILD is the most important person in any adoption.  If it's in the child's best interest to go back to the birth mother, yes, it will be heart rending but that's what should happen.  If it's in the best interest of the child for the child to stay with the adoptive family then that's what should happen.

Answer 18

There's no question that the first thing you should do is contact a lawyer and tell him/her everything. It seems to me that you have a good chance of being able to get your baby back, particularly if you were forced into adoption by an abusive situation. My heart goes out to you and there's no question that the timing will make a big difference. Act on this immediately and find someone who will help you.

Answer 19

Honey; you are not judge!! I am sorry; for the idiots like Sadie; and Kat out there.

Sadie; I am very scared if I find my son was raised by a woman like you; and your son will resent you; if you lie to him Adoption=legalized lies. I am sick of telling people; I have yet meant a mother who had a choice. Sadie; for being an adoptive parent you are very uneducated on adoption. Kat; what is best for the baby is her momma. Do you understand adoption loss? I do; all to well. If you don't; e-mail me I am more then happy to get you to the adoption loss experts! Have you ever read Primal Wound; The Girls That Went Away; if not; please read. [e-mail]

If any of our family members needed a place to stay; they can live here. I do not feel that its assistance; WTF; we are family. That would make their baby/child; my family member. In my household; we help family; not help them lose their children; that disgusts me on many levels. And; from what I have seen of adoptive parents mind-sets; I am very scared what my son's life has been.

My husband's oldest daughter; had a baby young. She lived at home; are you telling me her father should of kicked her out? Hmm; I do not think so. And; if he did I would have never married him. Because; he would no longer have a relationship with his daughter. My mother; and my relationship will never be what a mother/daughter relationship should be; because unfortunately like you she is very uneducated when it comes to adoption.

Answer 20

What is best for the child? If your parents are there for you and you can raise her without exposing her to the biological father then you will need to prove to the courts you are fit to do so. But please think carefully where she would be better off. Legally I wish I could help. Being a mom, I cant imagine that pain but I do see it from you and the adoptive parents, My heart goes out to all of you. Best of wishes, if your going to try and get her back, do it fast, surely something can be worked out, But that childs well being should be everyones concern.

Answer 21

I'm so sorry you are grieving.

Call the agency and go in for counseling.  Discuss your grief with them.  Hopefully some one told you about the weeks following delivery, how some women (whether they placed their baby for adoption or not) go through many emotional highs and lows.  Many women cry, feel blue, and sad even when they are parenting.  That being said, you may be experiencing some normal hormonal fluctuations, and some normal grief as well.  

But to answer your question, you will need to ask your agency about your rights, as they vary from state to state.  In some states, your Relinsquishment is final and irrevocable (can't undo it) from the moment you sign.  In other states, it is not necessarily final until after a certain waiting period.

Of course, you need to find out first what all would be involved in attempting to take her back, then make a decision whether you want to proceed or not.  Perhaps it will be more than you realize to move forward with this.  Perhaps it will be too difficult or not likely to have a good outcome.  Know what you are up against, first.  

Also, hear from the adoption agency how the baby is doing with the adoptive parents.  Hear how they feel, having her as their child.  Then consider what is truly in HER best interest, not yours.  This is what mothers have to do.  We sacrifice our own needs and our own feelings, for our children.

After counseling with your agency (or another Counselor), finding out what your legal rights are, and what the exact steps would be for you to try to get custody, deciding if you have the time, resources, support and stamina to go through the process (can take 1+ years), then you can make an informed decision.  Reach deep in your heart, and decide which route is truly best for your child.  

I wish you peace.

Answer 22

well in some states the biological mother has 1 month to change her mind before the adoption in final but at the same time as hard as it is for you think of how hard its going to be for those people who love your child and have given up everything to give your child a great home its going to kill them to lose the baby i do wish you a ton of luck because this is not going to be easy for anyone

Answer 23

I  would not contact the agency - they are in the business of making money and pleasing the adoptive parents.

Call a good lawyer immediately!

And don't give up. You have every right to get your child back.

Answer 24

OMG call a lawyer and do it NOW!!!

Don't let this happen to you and your baby!

And don't let anyone feed you that "poor AP's" & "but the baby has been bonding with THEM for 3 weeks" b.s.  

That is YOUR baby and has bonded with you for NINE MONTHS.  Believe me, as an adoptee, that child of yours does NOT want to be with these strangers.  YOU are what your baby knows and loves, and you should do whatever it takes to get your child back.

Answer 25

I agree that you need to get a lawyer as fast as you can. There are a few websites that might be helpful:

http://www.cubirthparents.org/

http://originsusa.memberlodge.org/

If you pick any e-mail of a person from origins or probably cub also, and tell them your story, they will probably have some good advice.

Please remember, if you act AS FAST AS POSSIBLE the revocation period for your state might not have passed! So talk to a lawyer TODAY!!! These revocation periods exist so that in a situation like this mothers do not have to be unnecessarily seperated from their children.

Please do not let anyone make you feel like you are bad, or unworthy of getting your child back. Adoptive parents should educate themselves about the possibility that the original mother might realize adoption is NOT in the best interest of her child.

They ultimately must want what's best for the child as well, and preserving a family that doesn't need to be broken is a very worthy cause.

Much much hope for you darlin! Please call any lawyers you can and just start telling them your story ASAP!!!

Answer 26

My heart goes out to you. But before you take this baby away from the parents who adopted her, you should really think. Is leaving her with this settled family who can give her love and provide the material things she needs in her best interest? Will you be able to give her the life they can? Also, it is normal for you to grieve for her plus you likely have post partum depression.Talk to a doctor or pastor to help you through this. But, please put her needs before your own. My husband was adopted and he says he is grateful to the birth mother who gave him to his family. He had a wonderful life and childhood and has no hard feelings towards his birth mother. She did the best thing for him.

Answer 27

I'm sorry, but at this point, you would not be able to prove in a court of law that the adoption should be reversed. You have no support, a history of being in a dangerous situation, no financial support and no way of caring for the child.  You have already signed your rights away, and the child's birth certificate is not in your name.  

Aside from the legality, do you really think you will be a better caregiver for this child than the stable, secure and loving adoptive parents who have waited so long for a baby?  You are living on the borrowed assistance of family, with no money and no home, no spouse and no options to support your child.

Please give this child a better chance at a future...I know how difficult your choice is, but think of your baby's welfare and stability...you can't provide that for him/her.

Please seek some counseling and support to help you recover from an abusive situation...you could really use someone to talk to right now...and strangers on Yahoo Answers are not going to be able to provide the emotional support you need.

Hang in there dear.

~Kat

Answer 28

the same thing happened to me 7 years ago, I never got her back and it has been very very painful. Its a hard thing to learn to deal with and every day is a struggle, even now when I think about my little baby who isn't a baby anymore I cry. I wish you all the strength in the world.

Answer 29

i think it is possible but you need to do something right away the longer you leave it the less chance you have go right away to the agency or lawyers office or court house to do it...

Good luck

Answer 30

oo that'a a tough one... talk to the adoption agency they might be able to do that especially if it was only 3 wks ago. tell them your story but do it quickly if they can reverse it & that's IF they will you better do it before your baby is promised to another couple good luck & God be w/ you. ♥

Answer 31

oh, don't worry about the adoptive parents, I am an adoptee, and trust me, they can get another baby, they want any old baby, which is nothing to a lifetime of missing your mom, like I got.

Your feelings and your baby's feelings matter more.

I would try contacting your local Concerned United Birthparent's Group, or Origins USA, and see if those women can't be of some guidance, act quickly!!

Don't get discouraged.