Please Help! Advice! My Fiance and I dated 8 years before he proposed. . .

Question

My fiance and I dated 8 years before he proposed. during this 8 years it was on and off, because we were young, and had to date other people. The last time we dated, we both knew we wanted to be with one another forever. Now we have been engaged for 6 months (we have never lived together) and i feel our relationship consists of going out to eat, watching TV together, going to the movies and going out drinking with friends on Saturday nights. He always has plans with his friends on Saturdays and spends more time with them on Sundays. The only times we mainly spend time together is in the evenings when he is tired. I have talked to him already, and he says that we are not attached by the hip and our "honemoon" phase was 8 years ago. I am very upset because I still want to do things with him, spend my weekends with him, do activities together, etc. . but he wants to be with his friends a lot. He is the first of them to marry too, but he doesn't think of me. Is he bored with me? is he not ready for marriage. i dont' know what to do to get him to be more intersted in me! i can't take this any longer and may just give him the ring back. Please help. p.s. we are both the same age, in our late 20's. Thanks!

Answer 1

well, the point ur fiance mentioned about honeymoon period is very true. it happens with all the couples.  its not possible for the things to remain the same as they were in the first year of dating.

boys would run after a girl as long as they don't get her, once they become a couple, his quest is finished. after sometime, he takes the girl for granted and starts looking for other options to entertain himself. many guys have the tendency to believe that their girlfriends are as good as being a wife. so marriage to them isn't a new beginning, its just another event in life without a big 'OMG, its happening' excitement. as long as he isn't ashamed of taking u out and be seen with u among his friends, its alright. he might be just looking for some boys only space.

u can join him in his outings with his friends, enjoy his group.make friends with his friends, take interest in the games they play or watch, their kind of movies etc. u may even accompany ur guy to the strip club. there is nothing wrong in changing a bit to keep the guy attracted to u. not every person is a in a barbie-ken relationship. u can't imagine him to be with u cuddling and kissing all weekend. boys need to have some excitement. they need to go out and flex their muscle on something. let him have things as per his wish sometime. try to be his buddy rather than always being a girlfriend.

try these tips out, and analyze whether he enjoys ur company or still wants to be away. if latter is the case, u might have to reconsider ur decision.  

Answer 2

late 20s and still hanging out with his friends that much? it's time for a serious talk. let him know that when you guys get married, his wife always comes first, no matter what. let him know the meaning of marriage vows and that this is a serious lifelong commitment and not just a piece of paper. if he can't compromise, maybe you can find someone that will. good luck to you!

Answer 3

He's not lost interest in you, He's just being a guy. My fiance does the same thing. What helped us was to have a schedule. I see my fiance on Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays and at least for church on Sunday. The rest of the days he can do what ever he wants with his friends. It's like joint custody between his friends and I. The bottom line is he just wants to be out having fun with the guys because he's going to be married soon and probably won't see them as much after that. As for the Honeymoon phase thing, he's kind of right. When my fiance and I first started dating we would hang out all the time and he was very lovey dovey and all that jazz, but then everything changed and he wasn't lovey dovey and he was going out with his friends more. When I approach him about it he says that back then he was trying to win my affection so to speak. Now that he has it and we are engaged and what not, he feels like he doesn't have to be like that anymore because I know how he feels about me and that isn't going to change. So cut your guy some slack. He probably wouldn't have asked you if he wasn't ready or didn't want to get married. So don't end your relationship over this, it isn't worth the heartache. Try setting a scedule of when you see each other and don't expect him to spend the whole weekend only with you. That isn't fair. Good Luck :)

Answer 4

I think it's time you realized you are just hanging on to him, not for the right reasons. You are not happy; he is not giving you what you want and need.

Answer 5

I would be very upset too!  The way I see it, there are a few things you can do.

1) Beat him to it, and act like you don't even care if you see him or not.  Make plans with your girlfriends or do anything else you want- hang with family, go shopping, take a yoga class, etc.  Basically be "too busy" to hang with him every weekend for a couple weeks. I know it sounds passive-aggressive, but If he gives a d**n and misses seeing you, then maybe he cares enough to change his ways.

2) Have an honest conversation with him.  Ask him if he really wants to be married, because it seems like he doesn't enjoy hanging out with you.  Tell him it's rude and disrespectful to blow you off all weekend to be with his friends.  Ask him to limit it to every other weekend, or to include you more often.  Also tell him the specific things you would like to do together other than the same old, same old.

3) If he doesn't respond or actually make changes, give him an ultimatum.  Say, "If you're going to ditch me again this weekend, you might as well take the ring back.  I don't want to live my life this way."

Sorry if I'm too opinionated; I've just seen a friend go through this and it makes me so mad to see her treated that way!

Answer 6

ok this is sssoooo simple, men don't want to be with a woman 24 hours a day. We want to hang with our friends and do wut guys do. Sure we want to spend time with the wife and have good times, but men really need space and need to be able to hang out with their mates as well. Women don't seem to bothered if they hang out with friends or not, they would rather be hanging off the man.

heres a tip: If u want a man to hang out with you all the time date a robot.

answer to ur question: no he is not bored with u, he is a man and any man (who is not g*y) will behave this way. Sorry to be bearer of bad news but its the truth! Theres no such thing as a fairy tale wedding and there is no prince out there that is coming to sweep u off your feet like u have imagined since u were little. sorry.

Answer 7

Hun, remember the reason why he proposed to you.

Even though he loves spending time with his friends, its a good space between you two because you are not joined by the hip like he said.

But I do feel for you because I wish I could spend every second with my Fiance. When he goes to see his friends, I go to see mine, or I go chill out with my family.

Just remember, he proposed to you, so he DOES want to marry you obviously, If he has been like this for 8 years then what makes you think he will change? You can never change someone for who they are.

Hanging out with your buddies is great, but when you are married it does die down, so dont worry. Do not make him feel like he is on a ball and chain though. Just let him do his thing. After all, you love him and have stayed with him for this long!

Since he is the first one to be getting married, he must feel like he wants to spend as much time with his friends as he can, like the first answer said, you loose friends regardless when you get married.

Family life just gets put into your priority.

Answer 8

I think you need to talk to him... he may never understand how you feel unless you talk to him... Talking is very important in a relationship, even if you guys have been dating for 8 years.  He needs to understand that if he really wants to spend the rest of his life with you, than perhaps he needs to act like it...  He should be spending the majority of his time with you or at least inviting you to do things with him and his friends... Sit him down and explain to him how you feel and why you're so upset.. if you're sure this is the guy for you and he knows your the one for him, than he should want to spend more time with you... Good Luck and remember, everything happens for a reason, so whatever turns out is meant to be...

Answer 9

Well it sounds like he is trying to totally comitt to the marrage thing!! Let me explain, he does love you cause he gave you the ring, but its kinda tough to let go off his friends! Lets face it when you get married you lose friends regaurdless!!  

Answer 10

Doesn't sound like he's ready for the kind of marriage you want. He wants to still act the same way he did when he was single, and you want changes. No, you're not "attached at the hip", but usually when you get married you become each other's priority. If he can't make you his priority, it's a problem.