Please Help! How can i find someone who was in a closed adoption?

Question

My aunt had a son on July 8th, 1970. She had to give him up for adoption, but now she is trying to find him. She called the hospital where he was born at and they cannot give her the records. She has even written to a judge and the mayor of the city, but neither of them replied. We would hire a private investigator, but money is tight. Do you have any idea on how we could track him down?

Answer 1

Wow.  Some adoptive parents are about the most horrible, manipulative pieces of c**p on the planet, and they are making themselves known right here in this Q&A.

Shame on you.

Good thing you're not my adopter, I'd cut you out of my life so fast your head would spin.  Talk about petty insecurity.

Answer 2

You need to find a lawyer who can help you...it's a very messy situation to open sealed records and only a lawyer who specializes in this sort of thing knows the proper steps, once the hospital won't release the records to you, there is not much else you can do from that point by yoursel.

Answer 3

Ignore the ignorant and the selfish who have felt the need to answer your question with unhelpful comments.

You have every right to search.

Adoptees - for the most part - want to know ALL their families.

It's just some very sad and sorry adoptive parents who want to be selfish - and keep their adopted children all to themselves - with no real thought about what the adoptee really wants and needs.

Do place your details on the registries listed above.

Do try to make contact.

I wish my mother had.

I love my adoptive family dearly - but I also love the family that I am genetically related to.

I wish my mother had come looking for me.

I wish you all the very best with your search.

Answer 4

Oh my god please do not listen to these people trying to talk you out of searching or giving you reasons why you shouldn't.

Ignorance

Have you checked with the adoption.com registry? There are 13 male adoptees with that date of birth there. If none of them match, please register yourself so you've got a profile out there:

http://registry.adoption.com/

Also please please follow Phil's advice and register at ISRR

Finally a lot will depend on what state the adoption took place in. You can review the state laws here:

http://adopteerights.net/nulliusfilius/?...

Good luck!

Answer 5

Okay...  

First, register with ISRR:

http://www.isrr.net

Second, depending on what state the adoption occurred in, there may be state registries to register with that facilitate reunions.

Third, if she went through an agency, they may offer reunion facilitation services.  (It will cost money, though not as much as a private investigator.)

There's more (and hopefully Gershom or someone will be along shortly with more), but this gets you started.  It is not impossible nor hopeless.  I'll edit to add more info if I can track it down.

Good luck to you and your aunt.

ETA:  Okay, found some more info on an old answer...  (Thus, this is swiped from Possum...)

Also register your aunt's information on

http://registry.adoption.com/

Check here for information on your state records -

http://adopteerights.net/

(click on the page marked 'Searchers' down the left hand side)

Check here for search help - and links to FREE search angels -

http://www.adoptioncrossroads.org/

As far as "leaving it alone" don't let your aunt listen to people who want to discourage her.  No one knows whether her son wants her to contact him, except her son.  My first mom was told to "leave it alone," and it deprived us of more time together.  I love her, and I'm thrilled to have her back in my life.  Her son might not feel the same, but his adoptive parents shouldn't be making this decision for him (nor should people on Yahoo!).  He is almost 38 years old and is capable of deciding, for himself, whether he wants to be reunited.  

(Suing a "birthmother" for attempting to reunite with her child.  How low can people sink?)

Answer 6

There is a reason that it is called a 'closed' adoption.  I adopted my son under a closed adoption and the birth mother has tried to get in contact with him.  She has upset his life greatly and we have since sued her and won.  Leave it alone - if she wanted to keep her kid, she shouldn't have given him up.

Answer 7

Unfortunately a closed adoption is exactly what it sounds like. Usually records cannot be revealed either to the adopted or the birth parents. If she has reason to believe that he is living in the same state she could try posting an add in the newspaper. Keep in mind though, if he was never told by his adopted parents that he was adopted seeing something like that in the paper could be traumatic so you would need to be careful about how the add is worded.

Answer 8

I believe there are companies you can register with, that if both a birth parent and the adopted child both want to get in touch, the agency will facilitate getting them in touch with one another. Anyone know more about that angle?

Answer 9

i tracked down my family by a nes paper ad

Answer 10

Easy for adoptive parents to say leave it alone. It wasn't you growing up not looking like your family. Wondering why I have this medical condition. Can I have children and feel safe knowing I don't inflict a child with something passed from generation to generation. I found my Biological family and it was the best thing to ever happen to me. They now are my family and i don't talk to my adoptive family anymore and haven't in over 15 years. Only because of the abuse and hate they had in them. I was beaten and mentally abused my whole childhood. I left when I was 17 and never looked back. Some adoptions are great and those children have the right to know they are adopted and if they choose to locate the biological parents, they should wait till they are 18 and the adoptive family should give the court papers to the child at 18. We adopted children have questions and we need answers. Now some unions are very painful, those were never meant to be but for adoptees; like me I love my real mother and father and wish they would have raised me but we have time to catch up and it's going better than I ever dreamed of. To all the parents who say leave it alone.....WHAT ARE YOU AFRAID OF? If you raised that child right with love and affection then you should understand the need for answers. Support your child and their need for answers and closure. Don't tell them lies about why they were put up for adoption it just adds fuel to the anger when the truth comes out, as in my case.

Check your court adoption documents, mine had my biological last name on a page. luckily it wasn't a name like Smith or Jones. It made my search real easy. When I found the name I made 2 calls in 15 mins and was speaking to my real mother for the first time in my life. It is the most rewarding moment of my life next to the birth of my own children.....

Answer 11

Boy oh boy is Angela's kid going to resent her when he/she finds out the mother was kicked to the kerb.  Good luck with that A

As an adoptee I can honestly say I would be absolutely thrilled if any member of my family was looking for me.  Go for it and ignore the naysayers, there is so much anti-reunion stuff on this forum and in society as a whole.

Yes she can find him.  Your State may have a mutual contact register but these are sometimes flawed if the child was not adopted in the State they were born in they are sometimes not allowed to register, plus numerous other problems making these registries ineffective to say the least.  But worth registering with them anyways as well as the registries already mentioned by other answerers

All I can say is don't rely on registries alone.  There are some fantastic search angels who can help.  If you let us know the State involved, we can point you in the right direction.

The reason I say don't rely entirely on registries is that many people don't know they exist.   I found my Mom and my sister last month and they had made efforts in the past to find me but had lost hope.  They had no clue the registries existed.

I hope you find him and if you need any help at all, I'd be more than happy to help in any way I can.

You may want to ask your Aunt if she would be interested in helping to change the antiquaited laws of sealed records in the USA, the last civilized country to still have these outrageous laws that violate the civil rights of so many adult citizens.

Proponents or sealed records (mostly adoption agencies) are fighting opening the records and speaking on behalf of your aunt, claiming she needs protection and annonymity from her child.   It would be great to have more mothers voices setting them straight on this myth!

Please don't let anyone other than her son himself tell your mother he doesn't want to be found.  I'm so sick of people with agendas speaking on our behalf.

Good luck