Question:

Please! Help I need advice on Fiancee/Hubby staying friends with an Ex!?

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Came here because I'm desperate! I cant even tell friends or even family anything because I cant count on them for anything and I'm hurting so much! cant sleep.

I've been with for over 9 years. Met him when I was 23. He's 19 years older than me we have a beautiful 6 year old daughter. He had such a funny and great personality and hadsome as well. I've always had a problem with him staying in contact with his ex girlfriend. When we met, we became good friends They dated off and on for years. They never got along much he told me, and would talk to me about how bad she was.... (everything you can name in a book that she "so called" did to him).

Well over the years on more than several occasions I would find out she would try to contact him on aol messenger, and this is "Only" because he would leave his sign in name on and suddenly her name would pop up trying to say hello to him and ask why he didnt want to talk to her. Of course I kept to myself, but it hurt me very bad. I brought it to his attention and told him I was very uncomforatble being in conact with her so he said he'd stop.

Now recently I saw he added her on myspace. I of course deleted him from mine a few weeks back because I was upset at him. I confronted him on it and he said, "She's my friend, whats wrong with that?

I think its very wrong! He had a relationship, and I know everything they used to do. He said tht if I didnt stop that we would be over, I was acting like a child. The worse part of all this I recently found out he hadnt gone to his sisters house for the weekend,he stayed at a hotel by where she lives! we just moved back from Washington and temporarily staying wt my parents home, he said there wasnt room here for him so he is renting a hotel nearby, but what tore my heart to pieces is that he went to where she lives and lied to me! he finally said he went to a reunion up there with old friends, I know he didnt!

Last thing, she asked him, can we now be friends? or "are you still in a relationship"? over in the comments section. What a horrible *****, she is. She knows that he and I have been together for 9 years. I want to contact her so bad and tell her what is she just trying to cause here but (not in a nice way). I'm so torn up, and suffering over this. What should I do? please........ could it also be that he wants to have his old friends back. The problem with that is alot them were drug addicts, moochers. I've had to put up with so much! including his family, his sister hates me, to the point where she said to me She wished "I were dead" and called my 10 year old son a f*cking b*****d. His 26 year old son, cant stand me and always treated my son rather mean and my son still loves him.

All I've ever done to these people is treated them with "Kindness and Respect" all these years. It just hurts so much to thnk there are human beings out there with so much full of anger and hate.... jesus.

*sigh*................

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5 ANSWERS


  1. My opinion is you can't be with someone you don't trust.  It will never work and anytime he is late, unreachable etc.  you will always think the worst.  You deserve better, he is not respecting your feelings by staying friends with an ex.  If she was truly a friend only, he would include you in his visits, conversations etc.  There would be no secrets.  


  2. And here you are, full of anger and hate. If you're trying to make yourself look bad compared to her, you're doing it. Think about it. Join the a**holes or stand out as better than they are. Your choice.  

  3. In all honesty why are you just mad at her?  He is lying to you, seeing her behind your back and telling you  to back off or he will leave you?

    Why are you still with this man?  He obviously has no respect for you . He is using both of you and you are both letting him.  He has the best of both worlds.  You and her on the side.

    Is that how you want to spend the rest of your life?  Plus he is allowing his family to disrespect you. You are the mother of his child.  

    If he doesn't love you enough to give her up and marry you then I say end it now and move on.   You deserve so much better.

    There are many guys out there just like the way you described him that will be very happy to have you as their wife.  Even with a child.

    Get out of it now before you waste any more of your life.  Let her have him and his messed up family.  

    Don't contact her and bring yourself down to her level.  You are better then she is.  You aren't the one messing around with a guy that is in a relationship.  She is !   And believe me when you leave him he will do the same thing to her.

    If you don't do it for you then do it for your son.   He deserves to have people in his life that love him and treat him kindly.  Is this the way you want him to be raised?  Around people that treat him mean ?  


  4. o my i have a ex wife we were married for 19 and a half years been divorced for 10 yes she would talk to me all day on the phone are in person and would do any thing i would want her to she would move back in today if i would let her but no chance i don't talk to her unless i have to we have two girls together i would rather my wife be beside me any time i do talk to her if she is not i tell her about what was said .

  5. Quit being a Bi Ach with him. Do not nagg. Be everything he expects you to be...except Stupid. Keep all suspicions to yourself. Why ask him when he is evidently uncomfortable and knows your position before you say anything. So, if you want him...just stop questioning him and give him the freedom to go to her or stay with you. You will know when it is time to move on. When he is no longer seeking you as a mate emotionally or sexually, move on. Right now, if you keep nagging, you will drive him back to her or anyone else who gives him peace of mind. Remember, if he is going to cheat....THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN SAY OR DO TO STOP HIM. If you make yourself the person he seeks for comfort and closeness, you will not have to worry about loosing him. If you do wind up loosing him, you are better off anyway. Just Chill Honey. Put more thought into what you want in a relationship and make yourself happy. Good luck.

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