Please Help Me, I Don't Know Where To Go From Here?

Question

My daughter is almost 7. My dream is for us to be very close and feel comfortable talking with each other about anything, especially as she gets older. We talk now all the time about many many things (our feelings, thing that happen, bother her etc), but the other day she told me she had a dream about 2 people, but was very reserved on telling me what happened in her dream. I didn't push it at all, and she never did tell me what happened, but now this has me worried that she is losing her comfort in talking to me. I know not telling me a dream is no big deal, but to me this is like a sign that she's feeling uncomfortable as she's getting older. How do I turn this around before it's too late?

I know there are parents out there who talk about everything with your children (even the things you don't want to hear), so how did you get to that level of comfort with your children?

Answer 1

well i think that is ok, maybe the dream was a little "racy" and she is embarrassed, i think as you grow older you remember your dreams more. i dont think that is a big deal. sounds to me like you still have that bond. if she knows she can talk to you about anything i am sure she will keep that up, however there are some things she may just want to keep to herself and that is normal. you are wonderful for keeping a close bond with her, as she grows she will know she can come to you and she will get the guidance she needs. anyway that is my feelings, dont worry you are doing good.  

Answer 2

I would say not pushing or forcing any subject has helped me maintain that level of comfort with my daughter (11).  I can't say that she tells me everything, but she tells me a lot.  

Keep your ears, your mind, and your heart open.  You were that age once, and a lot of parents forget that.  Try to think back on how you were at that age - things that were on your mind - worries you might have had.  It can put a lot of things in perspective for you.

We are also an affectionate family - we still hold hands while walking through parking lots, we cuddle up duing a movie, and we always say goodmoring and goodnight with a hug.  

Someday it all might change, but all I can do is be there in the here and now for her.  And if it does change in the future, I hope she will remember that I'm there for her when she needs me.

Answer 3

I have 3 adult children and a 14 year old daughter. I have always been very open with them and I am so thankful that my older children were able to come to me with their concerns. It takes a bit more effort to get my 14 year old to open up to me but she usually does if I persist in a non threatening way. I can tell the minute I see her face when something is troubling her and I will talk, talk, talk until she does as well.

I was never a yeller/screamer and seldom over-reacted to the small stuff. I truly believe that is the main reason why they felt comfortable talking to me. One of my children even told me that she tried smoking with her friends when she was 13. My initial reaction was to fly off the handle and shake some sanity into her. Instead, I asked her what she thought (and listened to her), told her all the bad thing smoking can cause (again!), and told her that I prayed her curiosity was satisfied and that she would never do it again. This is just one example but I am pleased with the fact she felt comfortable telling me. Had I caught her, without her telling me, she would have been grounded for a very long time. Since she did come to me and tell me the truth, there were no consequences.

As far as the dream your daughter had....I would tell her you had a dream and it was..........have you had any dreams like that? What do you dream about? Sometimes my dreams scare me.......have you ever had a dream that scared you? Just keep talking....never stop. The day you stop talking to her is the day she will stop talking to you. Good luck.  

Answer 4

let ur daughter no that ur always there if theres anything that she wants 2 tell u even if its something she has done rong make a promis u wont shout untill u have herd what she has 2 say first this way she wont feel like she has 2 tell u everything just the things shes worrid abot kids dont all ways want 2 tell mum everything so just b trusting in ur daughter hopefuly she will let u no if anything is wrong

Answer 5

My children and I are very open with each other.  I have two teenage boys (among other children) an they do tell me things I would rather not have to hear about. :-) Some things are pretty embarrassing to us both.

Even knowing that, I am sure there are  things that they don't tell me.  I am sure they have thoughts and maybe even dreams that they would rather not share with anyone.  I think this is perfectly fine.  

I tell my husband "everything" and he and I have a very open relationship.  We do talk about things most couples probably wouldn't.  But still, I might not want to share a dream with him or a passing thought.  We all have to have some part of our minds to ourselves.

I think instead of focusing on getting your daughter to tell you every little thing that goes through her head, continue doing what you can to foster her trust in you and as she gets older, she will turn to you with the important things.

Even though my children do talk to me about things, there are times when I have to kind of 'coax' it out of them.  I do this in such a way that is respectful of their privacy,of course.  I make sure to not be pushy, but sometimes my encouraging them to talk is the little 'push' they need to get past that initial embarrassing moment.

I think we as parents need to keep the proper perspective and understand that our children aren't going to tell us all things that go through their head no matter what kind of relationship we have with them.  We should aim for  trusting, open communication rather than a "reveal all" type of relationship.  It's easy to do if your child knows you respect her right to be her.

Answer 6

My daughter is only 4 months old so I have not had to deal with this personally.  But I would say just let her know she can always talk to you no matter what but don't push her for info if she doesn't want to give it to you.  That's all you can do.