Please Help Me!!! Homeschool ruined my life!?

Question

im 1 of 6 kids,but my parents ONLY homeschooled me,i went to public school til' 8th grade,but after that my parents against my will homeschooled me,at 1st i agreed because i was going to have multiple surgeries on my mouth since i had a rare deficiency,but once there was no progress in fixing it i said i wanted to go to public school again,each year they'd promise i could go the next year and give me a reason why the current year wasnt a good idea,since they where my parents i believed they knew best,but once it came to senior year,i had 1 last shot,in the 4 years i was homeschooled to this point i lost EVERY single friend i had,i became depressed,a homebody and had no social life,i lived between 4 walls for 22-23 hours a day,the only time i came out was to eat my meals,when i asked for senior year my dad said "why do you want to go so bad? its not like you'll have friends,no girls are ganna date you,so why go?" my Q is how do i teach myself the social skills i lack,now 24,i have none

Answer 1

Throughout the years we lose friends from our dwindling collection because of distance, both physical and emotional. Sometimes a friendship becomes toxic as a friend can betray us in the deepest consequence; they know us so well. Sadly, we terminate the relationship, feeling a bit lonelier and emptier.

There are two basic impediments to making new friends. The first is our fear of rejection: To make that first move. Many of us see women socializing at the school bus stop, a community gathering or at the gym, but we are afraid to initiate conversation, often making the excuse, “They're a clique.” Push yourself beyond your comfort zone and approach them with a warm smile and greeting. You can even prepare a witty sentence or two in advance to sound clever. Compliments go a long way in paving the way to more conversation. “I have been noticing your …and I just had to tell you…”

The second impediment to making new friends is not as obvious at the first. It is our need for instant gratification. We want a friend as soon as we meet him or her and so, overwhelm the other person. Our desperation causes the other person to see a neon light sign above our head: Beware Needy Person. Nowadays, every self-help guru advises people to stay away from energy vampires, drama queens and people without boundaries. Therefore you must go the opposite route. Slow down and take it easy to see if it’s reciprocal.

To make new friends get out there:

Attend community centers’ lectures, activities etc.

Do volunteer work to meet like-minded people.

Join a support group – there are virtually support groups for everything! Go on line and check out the nearest one.

Join a book club where you can listen to what people think and express your own views. You will begin to bond.

Join a gym and take classes. Start talking to people in class, “Wow, was that hard! Is the trainer crazy or what? Oh, I’m sorry I didn’t realize the trainer is your brother!” There are a lot of people in different fitness classes who are social after a workout.

Don’t always go out with a new acquaintance one on one. Ask that new friend to bring along other friends to expand your circle. You might forge a deeper relationship with someone else in the group.

Join a neighborhood committee like the library, community chest, fair, or beautification.

Join a political club like a Democratic or Republican club. By participating in government you might reap some other favors or even run for office – then you will have lots of friends.

Take classes at your local college or night school

                                    GOOD LUCK

Answer 2

John,

What do you want out of your life right now?  Do you go to church?  Are you employed? What are your dreams?  24 is NOT too old to go back to school.  If you truly want to pursue your education, assess (think about) what direction you want your life to take.  College is a great place to start. An adult GED center is great too. They have counseling services that can help you define your personal and professional goals. Sweetie-there is life out there-go for it.  I am a teacher and a mom. I understand.

Murph

Answer 3

Yeah, homeschooling ruined your life.  Couldn't have had anything to do with bad parenting, right?  Trust me, even those of us with bad parents who went to public school had issues.

First of all, get over it.  Seriously.  You can choose to wallow, or you can pick yourself up and move on.  Yes, your parents likely shouldn't have homeschooled you...oh well.  There's really nothing you can do about it, you only have two choices - whine about it for the next six years and fall deeper into depression, or choose to get past it and rebuild your life.

You don't lack a social life because you were homeschooled...you lack a social life because you gave up.  You chose not to leave the house because your parents wouldn't let you go to ps, and you kept choosing not to leave the house even after you graduated.  This has nothing to do with you getting an education out of workbooks...it has everything to do with you choosing to be reclusive.  Stop choosing that, take baby steps, and get back out into the world.

How do you teach yourself the social skills you lack?  The same way our kids learn them in the first place - get out into the world and meet people.  Go to the grocery store and say hi to the checker.  Go to the library and ask someone for help.  Join a gym and get a trainer - soon, other people will start coming to you to work out with.  Join a club that fits your interests - book club, gaming club, whatever.  Get out in the community and volunteer with kids.  Just make the choice to leave your house...people are all over.  

You apparently had "social skills" before high school; you didn't grow up lacking them, you simply chose to stop using them because you didn't get what you wanted.  Ok, that's a somewhat logical choice for a 15yo....but it's time to grow up.  You're not 15 anymore, so stop living by the choices of one.  Get out there and make your own choices.

The rest of us have trouble making friends when we're in a new situation too...I don't know what these elusive "social skills" are that apparently are absorbed in public high school.  Geez, I left that place without looking back - to me, it was filled with arrogant, immature, self-absorbed little twerps that couldn't see past their designer clothes and Nike high tops.  Whatever "social skills" I gained to help me in life, I gained after high school.  I moved away, took on some responsibilities, and put myself in situations where I had to get out there and succeed - the only other option was moving back home with mom and dad.

So...you're 24.  You're old enough to make your own decisions, one of them being to stop living by the ones you made 8 years ago.  Quit blaming your parents - the only one it hurts is you - and get out there.  Do something.  Choose to be social.  It isn't easy at first, but it's got to be better than where you are now.  As time goes on, it gets easier, you start to gain friends, and you realize that everyone out there isn't having as much fun as you think they are - they simply don't see life as an all-or-nothing, they deal with things, and they choose not to sweat it.

Answer 4

I am sorry that you have had a tough go of it to this point.

I grew up in a home of abuse and neglect and I've learned a bit about overcoming that.  First off, be aware of mindsets of "what ifs" it is a way of trying to recreate your past and it can cause you to become emotionally stunted.  It is easy to create a fantasy world about "if only...", when the reality is that if you had been able to stay in ps you really don't know if it would have been a magical path to social success.  I went to public school and it did not emotionally heal, nurture, or give me the secrets to success.  Public school was yet another source of abuse to endure.  

If you are really serious about overcoming, you can learn to be more relatable through dealing with negative attitudes, taking baby steps into relationships, and reading books.  I highly recommend How To Win Friends And Influence People.  It is an older book but its wisdom still rings true. In fact, there is a whole field of study called emotional intelligence and you can read a brief introduction here:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emotional_i...

The other thing to bear in mind is that people are turned off by negative attitudes.  People who are always expecting rejection, talk bad about themselves  (or others), indulge in self pity, or constantly assume pple have bad motives just send off vibes that repel folks.  Work on how you feel about yourself, how you feel about others (seeing them as potential friends not potential rejecters), and make peace with your past and you will find pple attracted to you.

Answer 5

Dude, are situations and feelings are so similar it's scary.

Answer 6

I'm really sorry. just find who you are and be that when you go to college, and join as many clubs and functions as you can to meet people. Good Luck! I can't believe your dad said that. That is soo mean. Don't listen to him. I hope you meet a lot of friends.

Answer 7

I suggest going out to a night club, have a few drinks loosen up, and meet new exciting optimistic people. Remember the SEXIEST thing is confidence, as long as you are sure of yourself, everyone else will be too!

Answer 8

apply for community college, they will take you in reguardless of your grades.

it will be a clean start for you. College is totally different from high school, people are less mean and dont try to keep up with peoples lives.

If you feel too much pressure, you can try going to night classes, usually they are smaller and have mature students, this will slowly break you in for interaction whith other students, and when you feel ready you can take day classes.

just be yourself and im pretty sure youll find nice friends.

Answer 9

It's so sad to hear things like that. Your parents really didn't do right by you in this case. But take heart: your life is not ruined, neither by homeschooling nor your parents. Going to school would not have guaranteed you learning what you need to so that you stand up to your Dad. There are plenty of people who graduate from public schools who have the same issues you do. The good news is you have a life expectancy of around 75--that means you have 50 more years of your life to live. That's a long time.

First thing to do is see if you can afford a counsellor or if you attend church (or want to attend a particular church), see if the pastor offers his services in that area. Things you need to work on are your self-concept--which it sounds like your father would have hampered no matter where you did your schooling--and how to specifically interact with your father and stand up to him. A pastor would also definitely focus on how to learn to forgive. I will tell you that for me, the trick was to separate what happened to me from the person. That is, whatever wrong I believed they had done to me, I reasoned and told myself over and over that it wasn't because of *me* that they did that, but because of *them*--that was how they knew how to function; they didn't know any better. See, when we can't forgive, it's because we're still taking whatever wrong was done _personally_. But whatever wrongs other people do have everything to do with them and not us.

Second, if you are worried about your education, go for your GED (or study for it if you already have a diploma, just so you can be assured of the basic level of your knowledge and skill) or take a single class at a college (you should be able to get in as a mature student). Start working towards what you would like to do. You don't have to jump in and do a full college program right now--start small. Build up your confidence.

As for your social skills, get involved in things and see how others interact and behave. Imitate them. That's exactly how we all learn social skills, just that much of the time we aren't conscious of it. I went all through public school and still had to consciously work on my social skills in my early 20s because I knew they weren't enough. I improved them just by pushing myself out of my comfort zone and by saying the types of things others, who seemed to have good social skills, did. It did take time and it will take time for you, but you can do it.

Answer 10

Abraham Lincoln failed over and over again.

Teddy Roosevelt overcame asthma, the death of his father and the deaths of his wife and mother (within hours of each other) to become one of the most popular U. S. Presidents of all times.

Helen Keller - blind but overcame.

Edgar Allen Poe - Orphan.

Innumerable immigrants have come to the U. S. without a penny, without knowing anyone, did not know English and have worked hard to become wildly successful.

What do these and thousands of other successful people have in common?  They looked inside for the strength to overcome unfortunate circumstances.  They persevered despite of hardship.  They did not blame others or their circumstances for any lack of success.

Please help you? I say: Help yourself!  At 24 the responsibility is yours. Seek professional counseling if you need - takes initiative and a true desire to get better.

Homeschooling ruined your life?  What have you been doing for the past 6+ years?

Answer 11

I can't say I've been in a similar situation, though I had a friend/coworker (burger flipping, haha), back in high school that did. He felt really awkward in any social situation, and was so embarressed about the whole matter that he would make apoint of specifically say in group setttings that he was home schooled all of his life and that he had absolutely no social skills. While this was weird, it was bluntly honest, and not only did I respect him for being so honest, it seemed everyone understood and accomodated this situation on account of his pointing it out.

In short, I do think its pretty lame that your parents kept you from public or even private schooling even in your high school life. The home schooled classmates that were required by state law, (in WI), to begin public/private schooling their freshmen year were incredibly smart in comparison to the rest of us. That does say a lot for the home schoolong process. However, if you look up the most desired traits of employer today you will find communication and likability to be the primary considerations. Technical skills can be taught to most qualified applicants, though social skills are strictly inherent by the individual. Employers want applicants whose company and communications they can see as being not only dependable, but enjoyable as unhappiness on the job leads to high rates of employee turnover.

That being said, (of which you can use as your firepower from a 'mature' standpoint when discussing the matter with your parents), you've missed out on a lot. people today like to say that everyone is capable of living to 100 years old. If you read the obituaries in the newspaper however you will see that most are dying in their late 60's to early 80's. What this means to you is that a quarter of your life or more may be over without you having yet learned the most important keys of life, namely how to conduct yourlsef in relationships of many kinds.

If I were you, I would these arguments in your appeal to attend at the very least your senior year of high school. Irregardless of whether you succeed in this appeal or not, it is essential to your mental well being to engage in as many social activities as you can to begin developing those social skills. Such examples would be athletic teams, chess/math.language clubs, whatever your interest. Whatever it takes to meet people. You will find that if you have common interests the rest of the conversation will fall into place.

Lastly, if not anything else, look forward to college, (if you don't plan on attending college please refer to my source). Although I would not condone following his path in blaming all of his life's situations on the fact, I would recommend letting people know of your home-schooled background if you do feel uncomfortable in a social situation as it will likely win the respect and accomodation of people in your experiences.

Answer 12

Okay, you say homeschooling ruined your life.  I say your parents were awful parents for not making sure you had social outlets while you were homeschooled.  I would also say that your life is far from over.

You can sign up for classes in interpersonal communication at a community college.  You can also take assertiveness training, both of which will increase your confidence in talking to other people.  

Mostly, just relax around people, don't worry about trying to impress them.  Have good manners; smile and say "hi" when you meet someone.  Shake hands and tell them your name.  Say please and thank you and look people in the eye.  Get involved in activities you are interested in, and you will meet people interested in the same thing.  For example, if you like art, take an art class.  If you like reading, join a book club.  If you like to play baseball, join an adult team in your area.  

Whatever your interests, there is probably a group of people with the same interests that you can get together with on the weekends.

Answer 13

Thanks for the points troll.

Answer 14

Have you tried to get a job were most people are around that same age group like the YMCA?

Another idea could either work well or be a big mistake, If you are intrested in helping others. Try to volunteer at your loco Volunteer Fire Department. Every Town is different and most cities dont have them but if you live out of the city limits im sure it wont be that hard. Of course you will not do much for the first year because you need training but most firemen can teach you alot about team work and of couse social skills. But be careful, firemen joke around alot when they are not on a call or training. And you cant joke back with them until you earn there respect. By joining the fire department not only will you learn alot about others and be able to hang out with so many different people but when you are out in public and meet people, you can always talk about your stories at the fire house.

See how it goes.

Hopes this helps you.

Answer 15

Yes, homeschooling ruins lives.  I would first suggest getting your GED.  Once you get that, I would take all the money I earned and put it towards a college education.  I would go to a college, a few hours from home, so that your parents can't interfere with your life and I would start trying to make new friends.  Your not too old for college, and this will be your fresh start.  Join a fraternity, or get involved in some campus organizations and that's how you'll meet people.  doing this you will slowly build confidence in yourself, and your life will take off from there.

Money doesn't mean anything if you don't like your life.  Get your fresh start, and make new friends.

I hope this helps highlight the problems with home schooled children and why the public school system provides more than just an academic education.

Answer 16

good luck...just go to college and hope for the best...

Answer 17

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Answer 18

I don't really think it's fair to say homeschooling ruined your life. Your life isn't over yet and it was your parents that didn't homeschool you like most kids are homeschooled. I have 4 children and they have many more social skills at a younger age than most public schooled children. I would say go to a community college, join clubs and social activities, and just get out there and meet people. You are 24 and your parents can no longer be blamed for your lack of social skills. You are now responsible for you own life and what you choose to make of it.

Answer 19

Thats harsh what your dad said, but just go out and meet new people its just like moving to a new state or city you have to make freinds just find someone interested in the same activites as you then you should find someone who you could hang out with

Answer 20

Get over it. really. It sucks what happened to you, but when are you going to let go and live your own life instead of living a life of reaction to your childhood? Go to therapy if you need to, go take an ACT test if you want. But sitting around saying you're scared won't get you anywhere.

It's so weird to read your story, I know hundreds of homeschoolers who aren't like that.

Answer 21

just go out and meet people

Answer 22

i am oh so sorry about that situation lol

but thats a question that can only really be answered from experience

talking to people online helps too

i would google it lol

Answer 23

I know what you're feeling my friend was also home schooled.

What you should do is try to do as much things as possible (i.e. going to clubs,malls,libraries,etc.) Also when you're around people try to TALK I'm not saying ramble but a simple hello and a smile tell them your name and ask theirs not anything to personal. Just the other day I walked up to someone and did that and we are scheduled to go out on Saturday!

Good luck

Answer 24

Ok dude...this one hits home.

see, i come from a family of eight kids (I'm the second oldest) and was homeschooled all the way up till freshman year, spending a year at the most insane catholic school in existence (it was in a converted office building!). By sophomore year i made it to a real public school, but d**n, the damage was done. at first i knew no one, always depressed, and found that being "awkward" and "brainy" the modern day equivalency of the plague. in an attempt to get out of that persona, i opened my house up to some of the few pseudo- friends (acquaintances) i had, you know for parties and "stuff". after about a year of that "mixed blessing" i finally figured out how to talk to people, i worked on myself, and told myself that even if i screwed up talking to people: its not the end of the world. now I'm 19  and attending college (which by the way does wonders for a nascent social life!), one of the better known people in my community, and don't feel awkward around anyone, guy or girl. dude, just believe in yourself, don't be afraid to make mistakes, treat your s***w ups as no big deals, remember to laugh at yourself, AND DON'T DWELL ON WORRYING; you'll pull through. i guarantee it.