Please Help!!!! My dad is having an affair!?

Question

2 1/2 weeks ago My family found out that my dad has a girlfriend. My dad told my mom that he wants to live with us but eventually get divorced and not try and fix it. Today my mom got a call from the girlfriend on her cell. The woman asked why he was still living with us when he doesn't love us. My mom was talking to him (actually screaming) and he said that we don't understand. I'm so hurt. My mom says that he loves me but I know that any man who loves his kids would never do this. We found out that she works with him and her name is Jen. What do I do? I'm so depressed and I feel like it is something I did. My mom assures me it isn't but I can't help thinking that it is. I feel like if something bad happened to me, then he would come back to us. Sorry if that was really long. Any advice??? Please help I'm only 13.

Answer 1

im 13 also but i think its better if you talk to your dad about it instead of asking strangers..

Answer 2

Go pay a visit to Jen and ask her why she's so insistent on tearing your family apart.

Answer 3

i know you love your mom & dad the same. but, these things are not your fault. your mom is right it's not your fault. just try 2 stay out of it.

Answer 4

it is defiantly not you fault, but it is your dads. and nothing will change that. even if something bad did happen to you, it might not even bring him home, so dont do anything stupid!!

Answer 5

I know this is horrible but your dad isnt a bad person. I know you want to blame everything on him but the fact is that sometimes marriages dont work. if your dad isn't happy he should have the right to change his life for the better. If he's found someone that makes him happy then it's a good thing. Would you rather he stayed in his marriage and was miserable and unhappy for the rest of his life? And I'm sorry cus I know this is hard for you but just because he's leaving doesn't mean he doesnt love you. If thats what your mum has told you or whatever then thats just totaly unfair. Your dad is a human being, he has flaws like the rest of us. But if your dad didn't love you he'd have left your mum when you were born. i know you're young but you have to be grown up about this. Instead of making things worse by blaming so and so, you should try and keep your frienship and love togther.

Answer 6

He is being selfish and putting his feelings first.  He just doesn't love your mom that way anymore and this woman Jen has won his heart.  Shame on her part for literally "breaking up a family".  But it happens.

No matter what you did, that won't keep him there.  Sorry.  

What is happening has nothing to do with you.  If he didn't love you anymore, then he wouldn't have offered to stay there, but get a divorce.   This is between your mom and dad.  He doesn't have his heart into the marriage anymore so he cheated.  NOt right, he should have talked to your mom, but he chose to cheat.

Answer 7

It is never your fault when a parent decides to have an affair and basically ruin their family. The best you can do is stick to your mom and be there to support and console her when she needs it. Don't think about harming yourself to make your father feel guilty or pay attention to you but rather try your best to not get angry about the situation and hate the other woman. That feeling can overwhelm you if you let it. I know because something similar happened to my family. One of my best friend's father cheated on her mother too and she and her sister went to the other woman's house and had a big argument and at one point they even threatened the woman and her son. I won't judge her but doing something like blaming either your father or the other woman would not make you feel better in the long run NOR feeling guilty over it and thinking it's your fault.  

Answer 8

First know - you did nothing whatsoever to cause this - nor did your mom.  It was very selfish on his part to allow himself to be in this situation.  Your mom is very hurt - and hurts for you - that is why she screamed.  Your dad has no business staying in your home when he has made it clear that he wants out.  I hope your mom kicks him out asap.  Oh - and the girlfriend has no business calling your mom.  Your dad says you two dont understand  - how can you?  It makes no sense for a husband/father to do something like this to his family.  Dont you ever feel guilty for this.  And do not hurt yourself in order to get him to come back.  That is not what this is about - and your mom doesnt deserve for him to return temporarily - only to leave again.

Answer 9

Lizzy, Your mom is absolutely right in that your dad's affair has NOTHING to do with you.  It has to do with your mom and dad.  Keep telling yourself that you are not responsible for what is happening and that your parents both love you. It is the truth.  Please check in with your school counselor. He/she can help you through this tough time.

Answer 10

It's not your fault. same thing happend to my parents and i was only 9...Can't really say it but dont worry to much about it cus at the end they will be better parents for u and they will be happier.The reason why he is having a affair is because he is not in love no more and that happens...Just always remember that it is not your fault and don't worry about it to much...Your probly saying why not worry they are my parent..Because you really can't do anything to make things better...All you have to do is just be there for em like if ur mom starts crying just be there for her you know.Just as i said it might take awhile but at the end it will be better for you and your parents

Answer 11

He still loves you no matter what, your his daughter. What kind of man does this, I can't answer except to say selfish, ignorant, jerks do this. If he is wanting to stay there but not be part of the family and still see this "thing", he's a bigger jerk. If your mom has any sense, she will tell him to get out now. She should not be told he is going to stay there and not work on the marriage and see other ppl. That's just not right.

Whatever has happened between him and your mom is no reflection on you nor does it have anything to do with you. He made his choice and now must deal with the consequences of his actions and moving out is one of them. I can promise you that most likely he will cheat on this thing when she leasts expects it or she will leave him and he will be left all alone.

Don't do anything to harm yourself, that would only bring him back temporally, he wouldn't stay around. his mind is made up. Just hold your head high and know that you are the better person and your mom can do a lot better than him.

Answer 12

Your mom is right sweetie its not your fault at all...your dad loves u..ultimately his desicions and actions having nothing to do with you..no relationship is perfect or lasts forever..sometimes things happen that you can't fix..im sure right now you don't understand..its never the childrens fault I promise you this has to do with your mom and dad and their relationship..just because your dad  or anyone you love makes a poor choice doesn't mean they don't love you..people make mistakes all the time..I know how u feel I was the same age as you when my parents seperated and both found someone else it was awkward and I didn't give the other people a chance..my parents found their way back to eachother..every situaation and person is different..I know its hard to except your father betraying your mom and the family he should've took a different action..but, you have to except that everyone has flaws..you may not agree or like what he did but u must except it no matter what he's still your father..if this is what he wants and makes him happy let him be..guilt tripping him into staying may not work or if it does will only cause more problems between your parents..im not saying to just be ok with it..but let it go..trust me you need your father and being angry with him over something you had no control over isn't worth it...he made his desicion you can't go back or change what he did.right now I know its painful but time will make things better..this happens all the time...some people just aren't meant to be..I feel sorry for you sweetheart cuz you are young and you have to deal with this...just remember what I said no one is perfect not u, not me, not your mom and not your dad. You just have to love and except people for who they are including there flaws..you don't have to get to know his gf right away give it time ok..I hope I could help you..you ever wanna talk im a good listener! Good luck !

Answer 13

it wasnt u honey

Answer 14

First off I don't think it was proper for your dads girlfriend to call your mom and give her more grief and heartache then she already has. Your dad should be a man and move out and not  use mom as his landlord, when he's good and ready to leave. If I were her I would put him out and let him go and live with her because all he's doing is causing a lot of hurt by being there. Children always seems to take the blame because of a bad marriage between their parents.Don't feel that way ever because you've done nothing wrong, this is your dads doings not anybody else.