Please Help me with this problem ?

Question

Right first of all i really love this guy we have been out twice the first time we went out for 6 months and we broke up the day before my dad died so i'm still really hurting nd i have been just upset and feeling down since this and i tried talking to my mum loads and when i told her she said well if thats the way you feel get down the doctors and speak to someone, like as if she couldnt care but things have changed between me and my mum we used to have the best mother daughter relationship but thats in the past and shes got a new boyfriend so i've been pushed to the side and again i try talking to her and it goes in one year and comes out the other and she is the only family i have left so there is no one else left to talk to..but back to my question..because the only 2 men i have ever loved were taking away from me in really 1 day, but a few months later i went back out with the guy for 4 months and i know your probably thinking "oh, its just puppy love" but i know its not trust me please but when we ended back in november i said to myself it's time to move on but for some reason no matter how hard i try to let him go i just can't everything reminds me of him, music, clothes, places and i know its sounds sad but when i dream hes always in my dreams. I mean its been 10 months since we broke up and i've been out with other people and to be honest i tried to love them but i just couldn't because i kept thinking about the guy i love my heart actually feels like its hurting and its really bad because i just don't know what to do even when i don't see him i can't stop thinking of him, it's like there's no winning :'(..Please please help or give some advice i don't mind you being brutal and telling me straight i'd rather that thansomeonee just beat around the bush, but please no silly comments and no i haven't done anything like have s*x with him because ibelievee girls who do that are just throwing theirlife'ss away at my age. But please be honest and truthful.

Thanks x*x

Answer 1

I know with all that has happened to you, in such a short period of time, it feels like you have no one. First. you should talk to a Dr. about the way your feeling. See if he can help you with you down feelings. Your mom, she does love you, it is just that she is engaged in her own life now, she has not forgotten you. As far as your x boyfriend, well, I know this will sound hard to believe, but time will take your mind off of him. You will meet another man, and you will, in time, forget about him. "Time dose heal all wounds". Good Luck.

Answer 2

WELL I REMEMBER MY 1ST LOVE AND WAS HORRIBLE WHEN HE STARTED SEEING SOMEONE ELSE. WE LIVED IN SAME TOWN AND I WAS PREGNANT WITH HIS CHILD,BUT IT MADE NO DIFFERENCE TO HIM. IT TOOK ME LIKE 5 YRS FOR MY HEART TO QUIT PANICKING WHEN I SEEN HIM BUT IT JUST TOOK TIME.PLUS HE WAS NOT A FATHER MATERIAL SO I GOT LUCKY THERE.

Answer 3

This is the time for you to deal with YOU. Some therapy could help you figure things out. As far as your bf, it maybe time to move on until you can figure out how to deal with your emotions. Take care of yourself.

Answer 4

First, I have to say that I found it difficult to understand your question because the first sentence went on and on and on. This isn't an English composition exam, but it is considerate to think about the people you're hoping will read what you write and it's a good thing to try to be very clear on what you mean.

My second point is that you refer to your youth, but you don't actually mention your age. That seems to be almost the norm around here - I guess because there are a lot of young teens who are afraid that the pain and uncertainty they're feeling won't be treated seriously. But the fact is that people should give you different advice if you're 13, 19 or 25. Most people would agree that they were at very different places at those ages and their view of the world changed a great deal as time passed.

Having said all that, I do find it interesting that you make the connection between not seeing "the guy" anymore and your father's death. It's interesting too that you mention the difficulty you now have connecting with your mother and the fact that she has a new man in her life.

While you say that you really love "the guy", you also say that you and he have now decided twice to end the relationship. Since you don't say anything about who suggested the breakup and how you coped with the immediate aftermath, that makes me wonder if you weren't actually totally devastated at the time, but only started to regret the end after some time had passed.

It seems to me that more people need to be more aware that the passage of time can tend to erase from our memories all the difficulties and tensions that lead to relationships ending. The fact that you started up again with "the guy" and then soon ended again suggests to me that this might have happened with you and him: it implies that both of you forgot the things that you didn't get from each other and the unhappiness your incompatibility caused each other and remembered only the positive things about being together. When you actually did get back together, you fairly soon realised it _still_ wasn't going to work.

I feel for you. I've been there and done exactly that. More than once. Each time, it made me feel less than positive about myself and about her, but it still took me a long time to get past that phase of my life and to accept that what was gone was gone and it should be left as just part of my history.

It seems to me fairly natural for you to be a bit obsessed with "the guy", not least because it would be very easy for him to be somehow tied up in your mind with a time when your life was very different to how it is now: your father was alive, your mother and him were together and you had a good relationship with her. Things may well have been far from perfect, but again it is the case that our memory does tend to play tricks on us so we forget the unpleasant bits. Still, I think you know in your heart that getting back with "the guy" is not going to make your life all better. Quite the opposite, in fact, if you look at your history with him.

It's always difficult to move on. This may well be something that you find _doesn't_ change as you get older. For many people, breakups and partings - for whatever reason - are always traumatic. But the sad fact is that people do leave us, whether because we decide it was just a stupid idea to be together, because we change and no longer suit each other or because - as with your father and my late wife - people die.

I'm sure you're in a very difficult place at the moment. I'm sure you believe with your whole heart that you'll never get over "the guy", that you'll love him forever and that you'll never know anyone else who can make you feel as good about life and yourself as he was able to. But it seems to me you have to take a good look at the reality of how things went with the two of you and decide if there really is any point in even thinking about trying with him again. From what you say, I suspect that would not be a healthy choice. So, for what it's worth, I suggest that you hold on to your memories of the positive things you got and gave in your relationship and dream your dreams of him tonight, but when you wake up tomorrow morning you should get out of bed thinking, "Maybe today will be The Day that I meet someone really special..." and you should keep thinking that thought through the day.

I know it might be hard to believe, but it does get better and you will be able to move on to something more positive if you let it happen in its own good time and you give yourself the chance to have it.

Be strong. Be kind to yourself.