Please Rate This Poem I Just Wrote?

Question

im 15 and just saw something that left me spellbound

I saw a beautiful Sunset tonight and decided to write a poem about one

If I could capture a sunset

I'd store away in my head

And play it back over and over

Many a tear would be shed

Sunsets are so beautiful

No matter where they are

A picture's worth a thousand words

And so is acoustic guitar

Guitar is music

And music is love

And love is bliss

It comes from above

Music and Sunsets go Hand-in-Hand

For Sunsets are their own kid of music

When watched from the untouched sand

By Ben B.

Answer 1

Beautiful!

Answer 2

The best among the Rest!!!!!!

Answer 3

On a scale of one to ten, ten being best, I would give it a seven.  The first half is very good and spoken from the soul (that part I would have given a 8 or 9).  However, the next half is not written in the same rhythm as the rest and seems like you wrote it just to further the poem.  The analogy is genius and well thought out, but not well written.

But remember, the critic is evil.  Opinions are not.  Rewrite the last half and it will be a 10.

Answer 4

you have written a good poem

please reconstruct the last para

Answer 5

Nice poem, you have great potential!  Make sure you keep working and writing!

Answer 6

7.5 out of ten!

1=bad!!!

10=Good!!!

Answer 7

I really like it

Answer 8

bravo

Answer 9

this poem goes in a great flow . in each of these words i can feel the energy flowing through those words!!. All i can say is well done

Answer 10

it had rythym to me up until the acoustic guitar part...then it seemed to lose momentum

Answer 11

It's beautifully written, but I do agree. The middle does kind of throw things off. Just try re-wording the middle. Make it lead into the musical section.

"A picture's worth a thousand words, And so is an acoustic guitar."

That is where it was thrown off. Try taking out the guitar sentence in the quotes above, and add one more line about the sunset.

After that, try writing a paragraph about how "music and sunsets go hand-in-hand."

Answer 12

I liked it but it was kinda weird when reading it for the first time your like why is he talking about the guitar?! Then you connect them at the end but the last line doesnt make sense.

Answer 13

Deep thought,and cool.

Answer 14

I can feel the emotion in your words. It really engulfs the reader in the setting sun.

For a 15 year old, I think that this is an exceptional poem!

I adore the first stanza. Especially the part about shedding tears over the elegance of the sun's descent.

In the second stanza, the first line is a little bit anemic. "Sunsets are so beautiful"- it is straight from the heart to the point of the matter, but it sounds a little bit cliche. You could improve upon it by changing the wording a little. It's entirely up to you, of course. I would change it to something else, perhaps using a synonym for 'beautiful' in its stead. For example:

'The sun dies each day

With surpassing, sad radiance

And is born again the next

Like a distant, mythic eagle.'

"A picture's worth a thousand words." That is a deep sentiment, but it's overly employed in poetry. I once wrote that "a word is worth one thousand pictures."

Also, I LOVE the acoustic guitar reference. It adds a sonoric effect to the strength of the verse.

The ending is also strong. The poem is very good. It's spectacular, in fact! The only flaw I can see is the usage of cliches. Other than that, this poem ROCKS!!!

Please keep writing! You have talent!

Answer 15

I think that the poem almost reads as two seperate poems. I see toward the end you try to connect them, but it still reads as two different things to me. I think if is about a sunset you should stick with it and maybe place one musical line in there. It just seems near the end that it changes to a poem about music with no real transition

Answer 16

quite nice cos u've tried 4 the 1st time----then 2 i'll not say if u wanna b a poet or something related to it u'll need to work more harder KEEP GOING!! I'LL RATE U 2/3 OUT OF 5----RHYMING MAKES D POEM INTERESTING----SO TRY 2 DO THAT