I am in love with a distant friend and my jealousy is starting to depress me.
This all began through an Indian social network place,
I never expected anything more than casual friendship...maybe a little mischief here from time to time. But nothing that touched my emotions, until I came across this guy named Pankaj. We started out innocently...at least I did....
I wanted to know about his world. I've always been fascinated with anything foriegn. That was the intrigue.
No man had been so sweet with his words. We would chat for hours, distorting our sleeping pattern. I liked how he boosted up my self-esteem...called me loving names. Then things got sexual. Being the way I am, I'd never imagine I'd be so explicit. Pankaj was lusting like mad. I began to soon feel used. What can come out of this stupid internet thing? I told myself each time he said "I really love you."
His reasoning was that s*x was part of his affection for me.
Months later, my skepticism got the best of me.
This is a glimpse of it:
pankaj: thrs ths panjabi gal Heer Kaur
pankaj: frm Chandigarh .. the very same place frm whr i had my first serious relationship and infact the same university too...wha a coincidence
pankaj gandhi (8/26/2008 11:01:49 PM): She has been insistin me to visit her frm past 2 months constantly
pankaj gandhi (8/26/2008 11:02:02 PM): i ve bn refusin makin one or the other xcuse
pankaj: since i am chkin on her being really honest to me
pankaj: if she is
pankaj: thn i wil probally c her
(he barely tells me this when I mentioned that a guy from high school has been calling me to go out. I honestly don't like him
So I told Pankaj this)
This makes me question his "love."
I start sounding serious...which he really hates
lol
He replys
pankaj :here we go again with ur stupid asumptions
pankaj: i seriously love u
pankaj: but u wont realise until its too late
pankaj if u cant c my real care
pankaj: mayb its sold smwhr nd u cn get it by payin fo it
I get tell him this
"I'd rather waste my money on something that last longer"
The idiot goes on that I can't tell the differences between like or love and that I'm going haywire...when he's only been intimate with 2 people..according to him.
How can I not react this way, when he's telling me about a girl he's planning to get serious with (even calculating eachothers birthcharts). She's indian and so is he, and he must follow tradition, I suppose.
I hate it when he claims he loves me
its mostly sexual.
then he comes up with
pankaj: u r too good fo me actually
pankaj: u deserve someone even better
We came to a final agreement, to "prove" his so called Love for me.
He's willing to chat normally....
I know dear reader what you are thinking:
This girl is really really stupid
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