Please Read My Essay!!!?

Question

Plz read my essay and critize it honestly. if it sucks just say so but tell me how to improve it etc.

http://www.fileden.com/files/2007/2/13/771342/essay.jpg

http://www.fileden.com/files/2007/2/13/771342/essay2.jpg

im sorry its in this format its cuz i only cud photocopy it because someone deleted it on my computer. plz help!

Answer 1

It's a great start.  I suggest that you tighten it up a bit and reorganize it so that it has a recognizable flow (use transitions, topic sentences (yes, even though it's a "creative" essay), and some sort of directional thesis statement).

You've begun a good essay, but it still needs direction.

Answer 2

to long not going to read it