Please can you cheer me up with some jokes?

Question

I had a really terrible day today and I could do with some funny jokes. I am really upset so can you please cheer me up? Thanks xo

Answer 1

a guy asks a hooker " do you practice fellatio ?"

she answers "that depends on the fella ! "

Answer 2

buttcrack

that always cracks me up

Answer 3

a girl got a trike for christmas so she started riding it down the street when she got pulled over by a policeman on a horse.He asks if santa gave the little girl the trike and she replies yes.The officer says to tell santa next year to get her a trike with a reflector light.The girl asks the officer if santa got him the horse.The officer replies yes.The little girl says to the officer, "Well next time, tell santa the d**k goes underneath the horse.Not on top!"

While having s*x in the back of his truck, a part of Chuck Norris' sperm escaped into the engine.We now call this....Optimus Prime

Answer 4

This one will bring a smile to your face:-

A guy stops by to visit his friend who is paralyzed from the waist down. They talk for a while and then the friend asks, "My feet are cold. Would you be so kind as to go get me my sneakers please?"

The guest obliges and goes upstairs. There he sees his friend's college age daughters, both very good looking. Being the adventurous and quick thinking kind, he says, "Hi, ladies! Your dad sent me here to have s*x with you!"

They stare at him and say, "That can't be!"

He replies, "OK, let's check!" He shouts at his friend down the stairs, "Both of them?"

"Yes... Both of them!"  

Answer 5

How did pirates get their name?

Answer:Because they "arrrrrrrrrrrr"