Please critique my essay about religion if you have the time?

Question

This is an essay for my catholic school if you've read my last 2 post you would understand why

Thanks if you read it and gave me feedback!

One by one

One by one, kid by kid, religion is creeping up on us. The effects of religions like Christianity, Catholicism and the other 36,000+ Christian denominations are bringing us down as a society. Whether its indoctrination , crusades, inquisition or just the moral values religions have introduce to the world is devastating. These are only the few examples religion have provided for society that has been left in ruins.

Religions such as the catholic religions, puts a halt to the studies of science and health care. They hold back stem cell research which could be vital in the fight against diseases like cancer, parkinsons, alzheimers, spinal cord injuries and muscle damage. Catholicism also prevents abortion and the use of contraceptives which has resulted in millions becoming infected with HIV/AIDS as well as millions of unwanted pregnancies which creates pressure on impoverished societies.

Indoctrination is a tactic used to brainwash children at younger ages. Rational Thinking is skewed and damaged by superstitious notions which cannot be backed up by evidence. For centuries, even before people learned to read and write, religion has continuously rejected the findings of objective Science. In 1632, when Galileo published his book, Dialogues on the Two Chief World Systems, he was summoned by Pope Urban VIII a year later to appear before the Inquisition in Rome. Just for asserting the his ideas that the Earth was not the center of the universe or that the earth is not flat, Galileo was then sentenced to life imprisonment in a Roman dungeon for most of his life. This stops education and could put us back in the Dark Ages.

There is a connection that parents who are theists have children with lower IQ’s. These children will be less intrested in science. Religious people, who will live in that adulthood, will become less intelligent compared the to people around them. Research has already proven this. Paul Bell in Mensa Magazine, 2002, reviewed all studies taken of religion and IQ. He concluded:"Of 43 studies carried out since 1927 on the relationship between religious belief and one's intelligence and/or educational level, all but four found an inverse connection. That is, the higher one's intelligence or education level, the less one is likely to be religious or hold "beliefs" of any kind."

Religions since the beginning of time has been to control the masses, but it is the 21st Century now, and we shouldn’t let religion blind us anymore. The time to put a end to religion has come. Being an indoctrinated theist since I was born has put a toll on my life, but now that I further the study on my religion and world religion, I can proudly call myself an atheist and fight what I believe in, and I hope you can to.

Answer 1

It was good, but I'm a little confused... if you're going to a Catholic School... then why are you an atheist?

Also, did you know that it was the Dark Ages because Christ's Church was not upon the earth? Everyone was confused about religion.

I also wouldn't call teaching children to be more Christlike brainwashing. It's sad that so many people are abandoning the beliefs taught to them from such a young age. When else are we supposed to teach this? To adults who would probably choose "science" over religion anyways?

Christianity might only be pulling the world down because so many Christians take too much time trying to prove that they're right. Christianity should lift the world up if it is teaching so many good doctrines.

I don't think you have a lot of your facts right either, sorry...

If anything, science proves are marvelous God really is in creating all things. It doesn't disprove Him.

Answer 2

You are very confused, and lost...and uneducated.

Answer 3

First of all, I found your essay itself to be extremely well written and put together, besides a few minor punctalization errors. But as for your actual writing, it is very well researched and expressed. Absolutely amazing. I find it very interesting that you go to a "religious" school and are so blatantly attacking religion. Well guess what? I applaud you... because guess who started religion? The Devil.. ok, just hear me out. I read all your essay, now read this. I’ll say it simply, then in science as you have done. Now just pretend for a second that everything I'm about to tell you is true. I know, you don't believe in him, correct? I mean after all, there is no scientific-based fact to prove that he exists, no photos taken, no experiments made..[only the evidence that we live in an incredibly dark and distraught world]. Religions of the world were started by Satan from the beginning. He figured that if he could get enough people chasing after some FALSE doctrine, then they would either be controlled by that particular religion as you mentioned or do as you have done, and just give up on any idea of the existence of God..And he's doing a fantastic job. Think about it. If there was a god.. and a devil, and a heaven and a h**l, wouldn't the devil be doing his best to try and defeat God by keeping people so confused and caught up with false truths(religions), and false doctrines, that they would never know the true God or that he even existed, by doing so, dragging millions to h**l? Yes he would. Religion is everything you say it is, devised by Satan. He would create and form a plan that would "control the masses" and get them to go chasing after false truths.. as many religions do. Controlling people by making them think that they must earn their way to heaven through works, which is an absolute contradiction to the teachings of Christ who taught that salvation is a free gift to anyone who believes. As for the denominations and the catholic church, still considering if their was a god, do you think that He would have a hundred different doctrines and denominations?? No, their would be one truth. and one doctrine. See what the devil has done? And smart people like yourself see through the scheme of religion.. but please, for the sake of your soul, consider the possibility of this message and be smart enough to see through the DEVIL'S SCHEME.  The truth is Jesus Christ. It says in John 14:6 I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me."

Now, that may mean nothing to you, so let me give it to you in science, since that seems to be a strong point for you. Did you know that the Bible has NEVER been proven wrong, scientifically or historically? For example, thousands of years before scientists began saying that the world was round, the Bible had already said it. (Isaiah 40:22) Go to this link for more info on its accuracy.

http://www.clarifyingchristianity.com/sc...

Now if the Bible has been telling the truth about all that, please consider the possibility that it’s also true about the fact that there IS a real God, and also—A DEVIL! who is doing EVERYTHING HE CAN TO BLIND THE EYES of all individuals.. getting them to believe a LIE, one so brilliantly dictated through false truths—RELIGION. And did you also know that Galileo firmly believed in a Creator and Christianity, as did Isaac Newton, Johannes Kepler, and countless other geniuses. See this interesting link on Albert Einstein http://www.godandscience.org/apologetics...   His views even agreed that the Universe would have to have had a Creator. Of course, I can’t make you believe anything. Being a Christian myself, I’m telling you this because I care. I pray that you won’t be fooled by education or what you have been taught or think to be fact. And especially don’t get drowned down into the devil’s scheme to deceive the multitudes through religion. God hates it more than you do, trust me. If nothing else, just consider what I’ve told you. Remember, I care about you or would not have written all this. I just want you to try and consider the possibility that God does exist. Good grief, its worth considering. Go to those links for more info. Or you can contact me.   Best wishes, *Grace

Answer 4

nope

Answer 5

You are really doing the work of the devil.  I'm sure he is proud to have his victim working for him so well.  Someday, when Jesus Christ returns at the Second Coming, YOU will bow down and claim that He is Lord and Savior.  But, unfortunately for you it will be too late.  You may want to pick up the Bible, God's inerrant Word and know TRUTH and God's love for you.  God bless

Answer 6

Ok, my first comment is take off, "These are only the few examples religion have provided for society that has been left in ruins."  Put it in your conclusion because it makes it sound like you're ending your paper with your thesis...

Answer 7

Honestly Andy, I find your logic flawed, though I do admire your boldness in writing something you know opposes the Catholic perspective for your Catholic classwork!

You did not mention the truth that religious institutions, throughout history have done a vast amount of good to the world as well as the ad they have done. Religious groups brought medical help and education to so many places in the world. Even today when there is a crisis in the public the religious groups quickly send relief workers and supplies. The Catholic Church founded many of our best universities and public schools, not to mention orphanages.  I am criticising your imbalance in the report.

Do you actually have footnotes to substantiate your claims on intelligence deficiences in theists? After 37 years of being a Christian I have seen wise men and fools on all sides of faith and atheism.

I grew up with no religious training in our home. At age 18, I came to faith in Jesus Christ when He rescued me from suicide. I am not fond of ritual or meaningless religious behavior. However, I have encountered the Living God and cannot ignore what I've experienced. My relationship with Jesus Christ has formed the foundation of my life as well as teaching me to have high moral values. He is the Love of my life!

If I were grading your paper, I would have given you an A on it. You put thought and effort into your writing. You use spell check. You are getting into the topic and putting heart and mind into it. Good Job Andy (I hope your teachers see your effort and not see just opposition).

Answer 8

I dont care what religion u bash, u are wrong on all fronts, most religions have basic moral virtues and they can offer more than books ever could

Answer 9

You thesis is that the effects of religion are bringing us down as a society. What actually makes something a thing that "brings down society"? If you say that it's something  that prevents scientific achievement (where scientific achievement equals euthanasia, abortion, stem cell, and all the other things you listed) then you have a circular argument already. Further, through out the "essay" I'm not so sure you proved this thesis by providing the reasons you did (which are found in each paragraph following the first). Your first reason "Religion puts a halt to the studies of science and health care". Just as I suspected. Now I'm really interested to know what constitutes something to be a thing that "brings down society". Again, If it means that it is something that prevents scientific achievement (or "puts a halt to") scientific studies that further advance our culture, then you have a circular argument here It could be reworded like this:

Religion prevents scientific achievement and puts a halt to scientific studies. Therefore, The effects of religion is that which prevents scientific achievement and puts a halt to scientific studies (where what "Brings us down as a society" is equal to or means that which "prevents scientific achievement or puts a halt to scientific studies").

You see, then, you've told us nothing new and have actually "smuggled" what you wanted to prove into the conclusion by using "brings us down as a society" instead of "prevents scientific achievement and halts scientific studies". Of course, this depends upon whether or not this what you meant by "brings us down as a society". But, I'd be willing to bet it is. Please, as an honest intellectual tell the truth. So much for your first reason.

Moving on. Your second reason is that "Religion uses indoctrination, which is a tactic used to brainwash kids at a young age". Firstly, this is a bad definition. How do you know that you haven't been affected by such indoctrinations to say such a thing (being brainwashed, you may not know exactly what you're doing or even saying). Secondly, many other groups, besides religions, have doctrines and indoctrinate many people. Indoctrination is a kind of teaching to educate people on  the different fundamental parts of a belief (not necessarily religious) that make up the whole of that belief. It can be Freudian psychological doctrines as opposed to Jungian psychological doctrines; Darwinian doctrines vs. neo-Darwinian doctrines. Each belief system has there set of doctrines, and that belief system that has a set of doctrines and also teaches them to others "indoctrinates". With this definition we are all indoctrinated in some way, but if you're not willing to let go of brainwashing being a part of it, then we are all brainwashed into doing and saying what we do, including you, here, now, in this essay. Finally, even if such indoctrinations were forms of brainwashing you haven't shown that what's being indoctrinated is actually false, nor why such views, like opposition to abortion and stem cell, are actually wrong. Brainwashing is bad, yeah, but it doesn't make what's being said by the ones brainwashing false and wrong, unfortunately.You haven't proved your thesis with this reason.

Your third reason "Parents who are theists have children with a lower IQ and lower interest in science".  Some questions: Who, exactly, is Paul Bell? Is he an authority on such an issue? Surely, if he is a scientist of cow p**p his credibility here will be diluted. Is 43 people a good sample amount? Who was actually tested? Please, provide the readers with this information.  You last reason, which is "non sequitur" (please look it up if you don't know what it means), doesn't really prove anything, especially your thesis. This makes your third reason, just appraised, the best out them all. But, alone it cannot prove this thesis. At best its a very weak reason to believe what you saying, since there was only 43 people test by a person who we don't really know was an authority on the matter or not, and we still don't know who exactly was tested. Are we sure there is no coincidence between the genes of the parents and that fact that more than half the American population is said to be a theist (which includes Christianity, Muslims, and Jews)? I'd say you'd have a hard time getting around that one. Besides, some of the greates thinkers and leaders of all time of been believers of a God in some way: Plato, Aristotle, Plotinus, St. Augustine, Aquinas, Anselm, Okham,  Descartes, Spinoza, Kant, Berkeley, John Locke, Thomas Jefferson, F. Coplestone, etc.   Finally, you rationalize through out by only pointing out some minor flaws of religion (really Christianity here) neglecting to show some of the good it has done and still does for people. If I really need to list some, then I will but as a mature person I'd hope you would accept that a lot of the relief given to the gulf coast an other areas of tragedy (like Darfur) is given by Christian missionary teams.

In conclusion, this essay is not that great. It hasn't shown much. it is wrought with fallacies and weak reasons to believe. There are stronger counter arguments for a theist to accept.  

However, Edmund Burke (to paraphrase) one said that our opponents strength us by disagreeing with us. That's all I've tried to do here and hope you will reconsider your position on the Christian faith.

Peace.

For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. (Ephesians 2:10)

Answer 10

I agree with you that religion has been used to stymie progress sometimes and caused trouble among people. However you could say the same thing about science - manipulation of the facts etc, bombs, gunpowder - it's all science. I think you could introduce a note of hope by asking a question about values that are common to religious people and atheists alike. Life, love, liberty -the things that matter to everyone - if you want to win an argument you have to make your opposition win too. That is the real purpose of all religion, which is only a means to achieve the beginning of all good and end of all that is not good. When that's done it will have served its time and not be needed anymore.

True Parents.  

Answer 11

At some time in the future history will repeat itself.  When one man will say he is the god of the whole earth.  And you will have the choice either to accept his divinity or not.  But men have worshiped men as gods before in history such as in Egypt and Rome.

This is why there must be a higher power than man.  A wise man observed that power corrupts but absolute power corrupts absolutely.

If you think there is no such doctrine as man as his own savior then you need to look at the humanist manifesto.  I will post all three for you here.  You may even wish to join it.

Let me tell you how the one world leader who is to come is the great humanist of all.  Here is some interesting reading in an ancient book of Daniel 11  36 "The king will do as he pleases. He will exalt and magnify himself above every god and will say unheard-of things against the God of gods. He will be successful until the time of wrath is completed, for what has been determined must take place. 37 He will show no regard for the gods of his fathers or for the one desired by women, nor will he regard any god, but will exalt himself above them all. 38

Humanism sees man as god and indeed his own savior. You are a humanist whether you like it or not.

Answer 12

It's great. Please don't publish it, ever.

Answer 13

I like it. It has a couple of grammatical problems, but the content is right on.

Answer 14

Are you an American?   If you are, it was Christians who created America--and built this society.   Doubt it?   Read the Declaration of Independence for proof.

Religions do not put a halt to the studies of science.    Granted, the Catholic church did not some persecuting of scientists 4 centuries ago (like Galileo), but that has long since changed.   Remember one thing . . . out of all the religions in the world, the Catholic church has always been at the forefront of astronomy.  Our calendar is a product of the Catholic church.   The Vatican has its own observatory, and their Jesuit astronomers still fill the ranks of the smartest scientists on the face of the planet.

I'd like to hear what the Christian Isaac Newton (Einsten's hero) would say about your conclusions to the intelligence of his kids.

As far as blindness goes,  you have purposely blinded yourself to the testimonies of the wisest man that ever lived.   Ever hear of Solomon?   Or do you think yourself wiser than King Solomon?   Apparently you do.    Before I'd publish that essay, I'd do some real research . . . and not base my conclusions solely on opinions and opinion polls.

Answer 15

Excellent! You should get an A+, unless they go by beliefs.

Answer 16

Hey Andy, great essay. I think religion has gotten it all wrong, but that doesn't mean Jesus or God doesn't exist. It's just that religion and what we know as church, have perverted this whole thing. I encourage you to read "So You Don't Want To Go To Church Anymore", its a FREE ebook at www.jakecolsen.com. Hope this helps you, and please don't give up on your search.  

Answer 17

Good to see you thinking for yourself.  I would guess that you are person of youth expressing a new found vehemence cultivated with a like minded peer group.

Just a guess.  

The content is mundane, part of the common spiel with the usual arguments, and quite unbalanced which makes it unconvincing.  

Its great that you have the freedom to express how you feel, and as you mature you will find others do have a basis and reasons for their beliefs also, and you will grow to contemplate the thoughts and purposes of others with less condemning judgement.  

There are equally biased statements to be made about the follies of science and secular organizations also.

Answer 18

Great work! I would love to hear their response!

Answer 19

I would tear that up right now,your facts are wrong and you are embarrassing yourself.

Answer 20

Quite true.

But I have to add that these results come from preaching Paul's gospel of blood for sin and not from teaching the "Golden Rule." In other words what we see today is nothing at all like the Original Christianity which actually had a method of increasing the light, rather than decreasing the light. More on my bio.

But yes indeed, what we see today does decrease the light.

Quite the opposite of what it started out as.

Answer 21

You b*****d - you stole my answer from when I was helping suggest an essay:-

"Religions such as the catholic religions, puts a halt to the studies of science and health care. They hold back stem cell research which could be vital in the fight against diseases like cancer, parkinsons, alzheimers, spinal cord injuries and muscle damage. Catholicism also prevents abortion and the use of contraceptives which has resulted in millions becoming infected with HIV/AIDS as well as millions of unwanted pregnancies which creates pressure on impoverished societies. "

Answer 22

Start praying now.  

Answer 23

  You were on a roll until the second half of the last paragraph..You should have stopped there until you read the Conversations with God books by Neale Donald Walsch..Your assessment of religions is largely true: your attempt to deny God is very foolish..What could the reading of one book hurt which you can read free at your library..Don't learn the hard way that a life without God will not be very pleasant..Reading this book should allow you to get an A+.  Right now I would give you a B... God bless you

Answer 24

I stopped at "Christian denominations are bringing us down as a society"

..zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

*snore*

Answer 25

"Whether its" should be "Whether it's", or write it all out if it's a formal paper.

"or just the moral values" Should be something like "outdated moral values" to show that they are in fact, the opposite.

Check that you have captialization in the right places and lowercases in the right places too

"hold "beliefs" of any kind" should be "hold 'beliefs' of any kind"

"and I hope you can to" should be "and I hope you can too". Not sure that it is the best closing statement, depending on who this is being written for.

All in all, I really liked it ^_^ I just had to be anal about the spelling, hope you don't mind :P

Answer 26

What grade are you in?  It would give us a better idea of how to judge your writing.

Oh, and I'm sure this essay will get you into some trouble, if that's what you're looking for.  Frankly, I'm impressed with your guts, but you might want to think about how your parents will react before you turn something like this in.  What do you think your parents will do?