Please critique my monologue for Satan, before his fall?

Question

This is not quite a villanelle.

. . What is the light which catches off the stars

And gleams with passion through the endless dark?

The same refulgence of my free devoirs!

Endless traffic of heavenly cars

Obscures the lux of His creative spark;

What is the light which catches off the stars?

Not from these beasts, whose chthonian tars

And angel feathers quail at the remark:

`The same refulgence of our free devoirs!'

Is it their dim fear of the tooth which gnars

The fearsome night and haunts their cares and cark?

Is this the light which catches off the stars?

The light of my countenance deigns such bars

To brand: be my lamp and dramatic arc

The same refulgence of my free devoirs!

. . What falling flame falling which falling mars

And falling brighter falling burns? O hark!

What is the light which catches off the stars?

The same refulgence of our free devoirs!

Answer 1

Some of the poetry you write is a little deep for me, and lots of unfamiliar words!  I read your poetry, but it can be frustrating to me not to always get it!  I am sure with time and my head in the dictionary, light will be shed, so understanding will be known!  Please don't be offended if I don't respond to the ones, I can't understand!  Cheers!!

Answer 2

Not quite a villanelle?  Looks and sounds like one to me.  I don't think there are any rules about syllable count and meter for the villanelle.  At least neither of my source include one.

Anyhow, this is a lovely poem and I especially like the last four lines.  I always feel like I'm cheating you when I comment or critique your work because I am not able to critique like you do...so technical and thought through.  Best I can say is that I enjoyed it very much and I enjoy learning the new words you introduce in your poems ;)  Excellent work and beautiful art.

Answer 3

Excellent language and use of blank verse. The iambics flow the stream way. brilliant work. brilliant!

Answer 4

Outside of needing a dictionary, it reads well to me.  It took a few readings to understand as he views God and becomes envious.  My compliments.  Seeing your competence at work on other critiques, I did not look at meter or structure, just enjoyed the flow of your words.

Answer 5

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