Question:

Please critque my poem....Oceans mean nothing!

by  |  earlier

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I'm sleeping in the gutter that leads to the bay,

And the coastline sky leaves me with something to say,

'Hello my good friend may you spare me a smoke

I would buy you a pack but my wallets broke.'

I'm transfixed on the evolution of the soul,

And I am losing what it was I though I know,

Your love is a bird cause it flies all the time,

But your no pigeon cause you never come back.

I'm a mess a total distraction to who I used to be,

I light a match in the summer because I'm freezing,

What I could do if I could get over my poetry,

Maybe I could smile..or even learn to be.

I'm drinking vodka and it's only 7am,

It's not the best way but it still is living,

Even if I could replace this face with a smile,

It would only be able to last a while.

My heart's in a shell with the goodness inside,

Like a fucckkin m&m my heart is learning to hide.

I've lost my sense of stability and my family,

Oh well at least I still have my poetry.

I wanna replace this face with a cardboard cutout,

Of the ocean and all of it's beauty,

I scream causing it's endless waves,

So Tonight I guess I will learn to be okay.

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3 ANSWERS


  1. i like it. and that's all i really have to say. i guess i can relate to it.  


  2. This is a very original poem. Dont change it. People who critique others work make it their own. This is yours. Be proud.

  3. very original extra ordinary i liked it wat about mine read and tell me your opinion

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