Please critque my poem....thanks in advance!?

Question

I have an obsession with writing poetry,

Cause I have all these feelings I can't say,

If you look inside the words you will see,

How much I have ****** up this way.

I'm a disease almost as bad as smoking,

But I'm no where near as addictive,

Just ask my lovers, see if I'm joking,

I would move but my hearts not proactive.

So I split my tongue with a pair of scissors,

That I made out of burnt skin.

I been looking at the light for hours,

Now I'm to blind to begin...

Do you see the truth in between the lies,

I do, I have that gift inside.

I'm a mess on your front porch so sweep me away,

If you like I will come back another day.

I read books, yeah I extend my mind,

But reading these books take up my time,

So I distant myself from the ones I love,

You know what you call family.

Don't look at me like I am less,

Cause I still have no place to rest,

A home..well I've built a tree house,

It just sucks when it rains at night!

THANKS!!

Answer 1

reminds me of Cobain which is not a bad thing just mistooken by most but I know where you're at with it and i liked it personally some lines could be tweaked and adjusted more like rhyming words and all

Answer 2

just by reading the first few paragraphs with out reading the rest (which i did end up doing =]  ) i knew you do have a gift.

that is a great poem, congratulations.

keep up the work mate : )

Answer 3

5/10 from Me I don't understand a lot of it.But I think that's what we tend to write (we understand it) but other's wont.I love to write also.

Answer 4

Shouldn't the poem have a title?

Answer 5

this is good and dont worry about ppl saying it doesnt make sense. Good poetry rarely makes sense to the mainstream. You do have minor issues with grammer etc. though. eg.

I distant myself from the ones I love

should be

I distance myself..etc.

There are some interesting concepts and expression. The rhythm is definetely your greatest strength it flows beautifully.  The best verses are definetely the 2nd and third they are thought provoking. The rest are good but a little less to the standard of those 2. Try and refine the rest or omit them completely. Condensation may also be a form of improvement

Answer 6

This is very good

I like the line that says

I can write poetry

without actually saying those words

You have an obsession for writing poetry

this is great.

You can certainly express yourself

You talk about family, love

Reading books

Last paragraph first line don't look at me

like I am less

that is referred to don't look at me like I am nothing

Writing poetry is a talent as well as an art

because it comes from the heart.