Please do not judge my affair?

Question

Me and my lover meet as we both were going to marriage counsellings after being cheated on by are partners lots of time. I know its not right that we too became lovers after becoming friends first We have been together for a year and i have decided that i can not hide this relationship any more i told him we had to stop it and he said he had feelings for me and that if i wanted to take the next step,which i think means to leave his wife .i said no and told him not to phone me again.I am not sure if i made the right decision ,as i do love him,and my husband his been abusive to me for years and his wife his also left him for two other men and the returned.

Answer 1

1st - your guilt must be eating you alive for you to post something like this for all to see

2nd - if your current situation is abusive - get out - find shelter etc. .

3rd - you know how it feels to be cheated on so why are you doing it to your husband?  Get out of the marriage and then go flit about as you so desire

4th - if you continue to go to marriage counseling - try going for the right reason.  by the way, how the heck did you meet your lover at a counseling session - aren't these usually one on one with counselor and then couple with counselor?  Did you just meet him the lobby and say hey - want to go to nearest motel for a quickie?  

Answer 2

If you don't want to be judged, don't post your personal issues online for millions to read...especially when you know the issues is controversial or typically looked down upon.

Next...you neglected to ask a question so what is it you wanted to know?

Karma...what goes around, comes around. Cheating never pays off.

Answer 3

the answer seems obvious, your partner is abusive so leave him wether you are in love with another man or not.

Answer 4

Sounds like you're better off out your marriage and he's better off out of his. The first time your husband was abusive to you, you should have left him. He doesn't deserve you. Not going to be one to tell you what to do because it's something only you can decide

Answer 5

hiya, why did you go out with man,if you did not want it to go further.was it just lust or was you looking for somebody to replace your husband who was abusive for years.if it was lust,then you have gained nothing,only upset a man that has had sadness, with his wife's messing him around with other men.really you have made it harder for him to find happiness.as he will feel he can't trust any woman.you could well get a hiding of you husband when he finds out you have been with another man.you have only yourself to blame,

Answer 6

If his wife cheats and your husband is a loser you both deserve to be happy, how can anybody on here judge you everyone has thier own lives that are gong shows to say the least, leave your husband if he is abusive anyway and be happy

Answer 7

You are not the first to have a lover and you wont be the last! so peeps judge as you will..You both want normal loving relationship and as you both are IN love with each other ( I hope ) then go for it! ok, its gonna be tough but EVERYONE deserves to be HAPPY!!, YOU deserve to be HAPPY! and I hope it works for you both..good luck..Jamie

Answer 8

Abuse is no excuse for cheating though I feel for you. I'm not judging- just don't bring that into it, it complicates the issue even in your own mind. You did the right thing, cheating is a form of emotional abuse and he is therefore abusing his wife regardless of what she has/hasn't done. If he leaves his wife and you are ready to leave your husband then do it, but don't think for a second you won't be paranoid that he is cheating on you for the rest of your time together.

Answer 9

I am not sure why you don't leave your husband.  Your lover is prepared to leave his wife, he is obviously committed to you yet you choose to stay with an abusive, philandering husband?  I don't judge you on the affair but I am at a loss to know why you won't leave your husband?

Answer 10

I was really trying not to respond to anymore of these postings for personal reasons, but...here goes.

My belief is...two wrongs don't make a right.  If your husband is abusive...you need to leave...if his wife cheats...he needs to leave.  This is exactly why we have STD issues in America today.  All this bed hopping is not cool.

So what is your question?  Are you asking if we all think you should have continued the relationship with your lover?  My honest and humble response is NO!   Get out of the marriage you are in (if he is indeed abusive), get an HIV test and move on with your life.  Leave the lover out to pasture.  Ask yourself would you really want a man in your life with a proven record of cheating?  Remember he cheated on his wife with you.

Answer 11

i wont judge you as i have feelings for my ex who is married and i rarely see even though we talk on the phone if you love this guy and your husband is abusive why stay with him if you can find happiness with someone else go for it give the other guy a call and tell him you have changed your mind i would