Please dont judge me, i need advice ?

Question

So, My husband and i have been married for 3 years and together for 5 years. For 5 years now i have smoked weed along with him every day. last june i found out i was pregnant. I stopped smoking the day i found out. My husband kept smoking. My son was born in January and my husband promised to quit. He gave away all the things he owned like his bong and bowls and everything. ( i even gave up smoking cigs for my son). My husband smoked only when away from the house with his friends but that only lasted about 2 months. Then he started smoking in the bathroom. Now i know that he is smoking in the house when i am gone. This is really something i dont want my son to grow up around. My husband has had a VERY rough life such as finding his mom dead on the couch at the age of 13 from a crack overdose and i believe that he uses pot to keep his mind straight. Without it he has a really bad temper. He has never hurt me though or the baby. And besides smoking the weed he is wonderful to his son. He plays with him and feeds him he's just really involved with his son. The thing is i really dont want him smoking it. I dont want to leave him because of this because i love him with all my heart and we would have nothing if we didnt have each other. He keeps a job and we keep our bills paid we even have left over money a lot of the time. But when i mention to my husband that i would like for him to stop smoking he tells me " I want to quit to i just dont know how" and i try to help him quit he ALWAYS ends up still smoking. What do i do. He's great with his son, He holds a job, he takes care of us, he just has a bad habbit of smoking weed. How do i get him to stop. Its seriously something i dont want my son around. Im so lost i dont know what to do.

Answer 1

It sounds as though you are still going to stay even if he does not stop. If that is the case, then you need to make it clear that you do not support his smoking weed, but if he is going to then he must do it outside of the house...that needs to be made absolutely clear...You need to think of some consequences though if he breaks his promise.

Answer 2

What about AA?  He has to be willing, other wise you need to get out of that situation until he gets it under control.

It sounds like you are really hurting.  I'm sorry to here of your situation and hope it gets better.

Answer 3

You both need professional help,. Substance abuse counseling will work if he really wants it. It involves group therapy (which sounds worse than it is). and family therapy. Start by asking your doctor. Or look in the phone book under family therapists. Talk to a few til you find one that has group therapy and family therapy and is nice (very important). There are lots of people with problems tlike yours and to take care of them now makes the most sense. You sound like a great mom and wife. He is lucky to have you.

Answer 4

First off,you cant get physically addicted to marijuana,second,its impossible to overdose on,and it actually kills cancer cells.When you smoked it,were you mean?Did you accidentally kill someone?If no,then why don't you want your son around it,didn't you enjoy it while you did it?Would you rather your son believe the lies that the media force feeds children,or try pot for the first time with someone who will hurt him or might give him laced weed?Wouldn't it be better for him to actually know that pot is a harmless plant,rather than the common misconception of being a dangerous,deadly substance?Just be straight forward  with him,tell him that its not bad for you,and tell him just don't do anything like crack,heroin,meth or sh"t like that.

Answer 5

My husband used to smoke weed...I did not like it either.  It changed the person he was...when he was high, I felt like he was not himself and I did NOT like that.  I had to say it was the weed or me.  He picked me.  He did have some slip ups, but I do NOT tolerate lying.  If I were to catch my husband in a lie, that would be it. I would leave because I could not have a relationship without 100% trust and honesty. Tell your husband that you cannot keep your son in this situation anymore. Giving it up might be hard for your husband...have him take the $ he wil save by not buying weed and invest it into some sessions with a hypnotist or anti-smoking therapist to help him work through his "past" and let go of his smoking addiction.  Good Luck!

Answer 6

There are allot of marijuana addiction programs that he can go to to get help. You can find them on line. If he really wants to quit then he will go to these meetings and be serious about it. Good luck and you are doing what is right for your son!  

Answer 7

Is there any way he would get professional help?  It sounds like all in all you have a nice family relationship, so it would be a shame if something like this destroyed it.  Please sit him down and maybe even show him this question you wrote. Let him know how it bothers you and let him know you will help him and do whatever it takes. Good luck!

Answer 8

Oh lawd. Get some self control. Everyday is a bit much. But yeah, your husband needs some self control. Pot will not keep his mind straight if he keeps abusing it like that. Just try to find him some professional help, if he's even willing to do that.

Answer 9

You're right to be concerned, and this is a difficult issue because you're stuck letting your husband have some freedom while at the same time you're worried about potentially damaging your kid and your husband potentially damaging himself.  Have him visit a psychiatrist.  If he's using drugs as a way to escape all the time, that's a problem.  I don't care if people smoke weed except when it becomes some sort of escape or interferes with their lives (which you say it doesn't).  Normally I would just tell you to let him smoke outside and not at all in the house (maybe in the garage or backyard or something), but he needs to find a more constructive way to cope with his problems.