Please edit my poem.

Question

Life

I am the sweat of every tear

I am the pain of every fear

I am the ache of every heart

I am what tears this world apart

I am the seed that may never bloom

The end of me will be your doom

I am the roots of every tree

I am what everything needs to be

I am the start of every river

I bring myself to you hither

i cause fortune, I cause pain

I am the win of every game

I cause joy, I cause love

I am the reason for every dove

With me you will be fair or you will be ill

You will not know what is fantasy, what is real

You will laugh, you will scream, you will hit, you will cry

But as time goes on, I will be passing you by

I am the most precious thing you will ever know

Keep in mind even though, you shall reap what you sow

What am I

I am life

Answer 1

Dang u just wrote a sonnet people can go there whole life with out writing one of those. Check some of ur words i think u can improve some of them but dang it was good

Answer 2

Kill the title/first line ("Life") and the last line, and take "I am" out of all the lines that start with it.  That will make it a good poem; the key to poetry is understatement and concise use of words.

Answer 3

I like everything about it except your use of "hither".  Literally hither means "here" and if you replace it with that in the poem, it doesn't sound very good since you imply that the person you are speaking to is somewhere you are not.  But "here" is where you are.  I would change that line.  At the very least, change hither to thither, which means "there".  The way the line is now sounds like you jumbled something together just so it would rhyme.  But other than that, it's really great.  Your spelling and grammar are perfect, which is a big pet peeve of mine, and it's just a very good poem in my opinion.

Answer 4

good

Answer 5

I read a lot of the reviews before I finished the poem.  I feel like most people didn't really give you real criticism.  

I like some "Lines" of this poem. Certainly not the whole.  Someone above mentioned they felt you forced a rhyme with Hither, I actually think Hither works myself.  However "I am the reason for every dove", Keep in mind even though, you shall reap what you sow"- terrible.  Really feels like you forced it.

It is tough when you approach something with an idea, "I am ..."  then you run out of the ability to rhyme with a particular word so you change it up "The end of me will be your doom"- complicated and disjointed.  Then it totally changes the style at the end.  

I like your idea, it shows real thought and talent.  But don't force yourself to rhyme.  Rewrite this as expressions, don't worry about style.

Answer 6

i love it. the line "i cause fortune, i cause pain", the first i needs to be capitalized.

and the line after that, shouldnt it be "winner" not win?

Answer 7

i like it...i think you try to hard to rhyme on the love/dove part and i think you should change 'you will hit' to something more emotional like the other things you have listed

Answer 8

~WoW!```` I really like this poem!... Kudos!!~

Answer 9

This poem is about emotions

in life.

It talks about what happens in life

I am the pain in every fear

( I am the shaking in every fear )