Please explain why do i stay

Question

ok first like all people who are going to say this say "i love my wife "but ,ok i can handle stressful situations ,she can't

;example:i broke the hood latch spring ,it was rusty would have broke at anytime ,i was wanting to check fluids in the car well when that happened she flipped out ,i was on the phone with a brother and he was like what the h**l is that in the background is everything ok ?other times it could be simply i do the laundry and have no where to put her cloths other than stack on her full dresser ,she complains about that .she also farts every morning really does and i look at this way i have about twelve years to go till son turns 18 it is not really horrible but i am much different from her ,at first that was cool and fun but know it is a strain,the farting is kind of like ok do i really want a life time of that .it has and always will be work now i know why they say that .i just have other plans and wont leave till i know my son has had parents and i do show love and she does sometimes so kids are cool and all that ,we are ok for the most part she is 40 i am 39 . just wonder will i get to live my dream ?want to be on my own some time in the future is that bad of me ?

Answer 1

Let's look at the big picture here if we may.  It doesn't sound like there is a major problem here, nothing that couldn't be resolved.  For a marriage to work, both must keep working at it.  For instance, you might want to talk to her about her flatulence and how you do not appreciate it.  Tell her that it is very unbecoming and you don't feel it is acceptable to do standing near you.  As far as her complaining, does she have a legitimate reason to complain or not and is it chronic?  If it is chronic,  then maybe she has an issue with you that doesn't get resolved and she is taking it out on you.  Try finding out what her issue is and that might stop some of it.  Talking out your  differences in a calm manner can sometimes help and being a friend and confidante will strengthen the relationship.  Usually when kind words are spoken it gets reciprocated.   If you want your relationship to improve then try new ways to handle the situations.  You say you love her, then why wouldn't you want to fix your problems?  I don't know what your dream is but why can't you have it while you are still with this woman?  And think long and hard before you think the grass is greener on the other side, that is you want to be on your own.  It won't necessarily be a rose garden.  So why do you stay with her?  My guess is that you love her more than you think and the dream that you have may not be realistic. Hope things improve for the two of you.

Answer 2

Sounds like some counseling is in order.  Anger management for her, couples therapy for both of you.  At least give it a shot before you throw in the towel.

But I hear you on the "being on my own" part - personally, that's the life that works for me.  Been married, been single, and single is the way I'll stay.  Some people are better in a relationship, some aren't.