Please give criticism for my poem..?

Question

When love come to you and me

So what we can do at the time

Cause love doesn’t ask why

We keep going on and not cry

When you come to my life

You can take my weakness

You can change my sadness

Build in to the tough hope

You are the light in my darkest night

And we have something must fight

You are the sun in my coldness day

Share our ups and down every day

I just can believe my heart says

I found the miracle in you

You are the missing pieces

I feel comfort when I’m with you

Fv, June19th 2008

Answer 1

That's a nice poem...keep writing!!!!!!

Answer 2

well.......

favo you must study hard for your english.......

but i know what you means.........

nice poem.........

that's it

thank you

Answer 3

Aha..........good poem.

I feel comfort when I'm with you,

And I want to hold you,

Don't wanna let you go and leave me,

Coz I can't live without you beside me.

Aha........keep writing......^_^.

Answer 4

Slap yourself upside the head with a grammar book.

Answer 5

First and foremost learn how to use verbs and grammar correctly, then re-write it.  It might just be how you wrote it but its a pain to read.

Answer 6

hmmmm.... vo...

ada edisi bahasa indonesianya nga ya .. hehehe .... ^^

have anice day ... :)

Answer 7

sounds good...

hhe

Answer 8

give up

joking buddy that is  good

Answer 9

good....

maaf ya vooo....yg rhany tau cuma kata good aja...

heehheeeee.......

Answer 10

This is what I think of it:

When love come to you and me

So what we can do at the time

Cause love doesn’t ask why

We keep going on and not cry

When you come to my life

You can take my weakness

You can change my sadness

Build in to the tough hope

You are the light in my darkest night

And we have something must fight

You are the sun in my coldness day

Share our ups and down every day

I just can believe my heart says

I found the miracle in you

You are the missing pieces

I feel comfort when I’m with you

Hope this Helped!

Answer 11

more passion...make it a lil bit more exciting like ask some questions...like: is this an illusion ,the same one when i open my eyes and realise you're not even here? I cant catch it but i know it's with me just like your heart melted in mine....

Try to make it like a mistery....for ex " secrets ,we both know" write some  words in french or other languages

loool i donno

nice poem!

Answer 12

Yaaa.... pengen banget bikin ulasan dalam bentuk kritik .

Tapinya apa yang mau aku tulis .... wong aku ngga ngerti arti dari apa yang terbaca olehku .

Salam.

Answer 13

I'm sorry but I keep coming back to this poem and not reading it. The grammer gets to me and I just cannot get past the first part. I'm sorry

Answer 14

nice....