Please give me advice !!!!! Help!!!!?

Question

Hi, I am new to this group and very happy I found this forum. My husband has Bi Polar and i do not understand how any one can live happily married with this disease. My husband his brother and his mothers whole side have the same disorder (only my husband accepts it and takes lithium and antidepressents) My husband has a good heart but he is slowly killing me. Over the past 5 years his symptoms have included infatutions with women and resentment towards me because I am not like them, spending so much money on frivolous items that we are in serious debt, coming home with too many pets that once he has, does not take care of, moodiness, depression and mutilating his toes and fingernails. I have stayed with him because I know he is sick but I can not live like this. My house is unbearble with all of this junk he buys and with too many animals. Today I was fed up and put his 4 cats outside, and cleaned up after his 2 dogs, rabbits and parrot again. I know he is going to be angry as h**l when he gets home, but I can't stand it, He promises to stop spending money and buying animals and I always believe him or at least hope for the best, but he never changes. I am sick of working full time and can not afford a family vacation because I have to pay his credit bills or loans. and I can not understand why every one at work thinks hes the greatest guy, but he's moody, cranky and down right dirty at home. I am going to tell him if he brings the cats in again or comes home with one more animal I will bring it to a shelter. (after this he will not talk to me for 3 weeks and will purposely buy things and leave messes for me to clean because he is angry with me..Again!) Can anyone tell me how to deal with this. Is this normal or will the meds ever stop this behavior? I can not be sypmpathetic any longer. I have lost so much respect for him, I see him as one of my children, not my husband, not even a man.....

Answer 1

Wow, that sounds just horrible. I mean, do you even love him anymore? I'd consider a divorce, quite honestly.  

Answer 2

This is not a "forum" for support.  It is simply a site for people to seek specific answers from other people on specific questions.  If you want a support group, I strongly suggest you search Yahoo! Groups for a group relating to bipolar disorder.  People in that group can provide you with much better and much more targeted support and advice.

Your husband's condition is not under control, and is causing emotional and financial harm to you. You are not morally required to hurt yourself to fulfill your marriage vows.  Your first concern should not be to cater to your husband's whims, but to protect yourself and your children.

Your first step should be to separate your finances.  Close all your joint accounts; put a fair amount in an account in his name, and transfer his debts to that account.  Put the rest of the money in an account in your name only, and make sure he cannot access those accounts.  As a married couple, his debts are technically your debts, but you should direct his creditors to hassle him, not you.  Disorder or not, he needs to be responsible for himself.

Frankly, you should strongly consider divorce, to separate yourself financially and physically and emotionally.  Tell him that you love him, but that his behavior is destroying both of you.  Tell him that you are leaving to provide for your children, since you can no longer manage to provide for him as well.

Answer 3

I was married to someone like this for 11 year and I hung in becuase I thought it would get better.  Well I hate to be the bearer of bad news but I found with age it got worse.  And the more I accepted his behavior the worse it got.  The more I disapproved of it again the worse it got.  I wish I had better news.  But it just comes down to you either go to marriage counseling and learn how to deal with it or you don't and you enter the harsh life of being single again.....grass is not always greener on the other side.

Good luck to you

Answer 4

Why you marry him? if all you are going to do is complain about marriage then you should of thought about before