Please give me some advice! (Re-post)?

Question

Hi-

I have an 8 week old baby girl and I feel like I am doing all the work. My fiance does not really help me with her at all. The little things he does do he complains about them and argues with me before he does do them. He even argues with me about feeding the baby- which he rarely ever does b/c I breastfeed her. I started school this week and I have a full time schedule (all on-line). Right now I asked him to please watch the baby b/c I need to do homework and he told me no! He is still sleeping right now (9:30am) - he does not have a job (we live w/ his mom and have been for 4 months now!)- and when he does wake up around noon all he is going to do is play Counter Strike on his computer. I am not exaggerating when I say that he plays that game for 10 hours plus a day. He said that he does not support me right now about my decision of going to school. He said that I should have waited until next semester if I could not handle it. He says "oh well" and does nothing more, but go back to sleep. I feel really hurt by this and thankfully I have my parents that live close by to help me, but I think that he should be the one to help me before my parents--especially since he is not working right now and hasn't been for 5 months!! I mean I would understand if he had to go to work, but he doesn't!! I am to the point where I don't really care about our relationship and I am definitely out of love with him. The only thing that is holding me back is our baby. He says that if I leave he will call the police on me and say that I kidnapped our daughter. He also said that he would get full custody b/c he will soon have a job and I will not be working--meaning that since he will have an income he will automatically be awarded custody. I am not sure what to do about this situation... I guess I am just afraid to leave b/c I think that he will take my baby away. BY the way he smokes weed and hardly spends time with his daughter maybe 10-15 min per day if THAT!

Can someone please give me some good advice?!?

Answer 1

OK if he ain't helping now he isn't going to take that baby!  Great let him get a job so he can pay you child support till she is 18.  Keep going to school and if at all possible get a small job.  Can you get help from the gov. on child care if you work a job and go to school, will your parents help(can you live with them) Also what does his parents say about the way he does???  

Answer 2

Omg I would be so pissed, he sounds so lazy and immature. Why would he even want custody of your kid when he doesn't even take care of it? Maybe you should leave him as soon as possible before he even gets a job. And also try getting a job yourself, it can be any job for now but at least it'll show that you're doing something to take care of your baby (if you're not too busy with school).

Answer 3

If he takes this to court and you tell them what he's done, or lack of, you'll get custody of the child. You've done more for the baby than he has. The weed argument will def work

Answer 4

Go back to your parents.  If he does call the police and claim you kidnapped your daughter, he may face charges/fines for false reporting.

Good luck and God bless.

Answer 5

He sounds like a real loser! He cant take the baby, and if he tried you could report him for smoking weed and they would drug test him. It really sounds like you would be better off without and living with your parents, if thats possible.

Hes obviously not ready to be a father and theres really no reason to stay there and be miserable yourself, hes not going to change until hes ready and maybe you leaving would help push him a little into that direction. You shouldnt have to carry the burden of raising that little girl alone if you are living with the father! Its not fair.

Answer 6

The police will not take the baby from you just because you went back to your mothers house to live. Baby's usually only get taken in extreme cases where there is drug abuse or the house looks and smells like a dump.

If you mum is happy to have you back and help then go back.

He is selfish and an embarrassment to men.  

Answer 7

Don't know what to say except dump him,, he doesn't care about you or the baby,, He don't want you doing your courses because you will eventually become independent and won't need him,, He knows this..  He can make all the threats he wants. Take the baby and go to your parents, when the court finds out what he is doing and what you are doing,, it will show up like a shiny penny, that you are caring for the child and trying to improve yourself, all he is doing is sitting on his but and living off his parents,,, Who do You think the courts will side with?

    And the courts will also order him to pay child support ,, he also know this,, and will have to get a job or go to jail for not making the court ordered payments    So he is afraid of what you will do him  and trying to convince you on what he can do to you,,,, Which he can't  So Dump him and take him to court,,  

Answer 8

If he says he'll call the police if you take the baby, take it anyways.  They'll see he's smoking pot and everything, and you'll have the right of taking her away.  It was for her safety.

Answer 9

DON'T LET HIM INTIMIDATE YOU .... HE CAN NOT I REPEAT, CAN NOT TAKE HER AWAY FROM YOU... KICK HIM TO THE CURB OR JUST STAY THERE AND BE MISERABLE

Answer 10

Soooo.... why exactly did you hook up with this guy??

ok- you can still take the baby to your parents... i believe mothers usually have a LOT more say then dead beat dads.

you know you need to do what is best for you and your child.

Good luck!

Answer 11

Do whatever you think is best for your child! If he threatens to take you to court then let him. Keep a journal of every time he smokes weed, when you ask him for help and he says no,and every complaint he makes because you can use that in court so you get custody. You never know if one day that he smokes he tries to hurt you or the baby. I would never stay there. The smoke from the weed is NOT good for a baby at all!!

Answer 12

I am sorry for your situation however,  I don't think he has a leg to stand on, even with a job  a single parent going to school that has 2 supportive parents over a weed smoking boy that has can't keep a job,  geee  I wonder what is best for the baby,  because that is all that the court will care about.   I would give him theultimatumm get your sh*t together or I am leaving.  then if he doesn't make sure you leave or he will keep walking over you.

Answer 13

If you are not married to this man then I highly suggest you take all of your belonging and move in with your parents, he is nothing but a low life loser that doesn't want to take time for his family,, he needs to grow up.  He will not be awarded custody just because he has a job and you don't,, you are going to school...  the court system will make him pay child support for his baby and that is what will happen.  This man is feeding your head with a bunch of ****.  You will never loose custody of your child just because you don't have a job,, that is ridiculous to even say to someone.

Answer 14

You already know what you need to do but you have stated you're affraid to do it becase he'll tell the police you kidnapped the child.  Call his bluff.  Pack your stuff get in your car and leave.  Drive to the DA's office (the courthouse) file for a restraining order ,  full custody of your daughter and also your child support papers.  Get him in the system.  Trust, he's using that line on your because you're letting it work.  Key word in you're is YOU.  

Stop posting this............Take action now!

God bless you and your daughter

Answer 15

Do you want me to PUNCH HIM ON THE NOSE??!!

Just say so.

That's a good "counter strike" that might bring him to his senses.

That good-for-nothing, irresponsible, immature, lazy, jerk, is not good for you and your baby girl.

Go back to the tender, loving, care of your parents they will surely welcome you and support you in all your needs.

Call the police if he comes to bother you and your baby.

You are not yet married to him and you have all the right for the custody of your baby girl..

Leave your fiance until such time that he matures and be responsible enough to be able to take good care of you and your baby.

That is if you still love him.

Take care..