Please give me your thoughts - if a friend asked you to do something bad for you but good for others would u??

Question

My friend who is an adult, was repeatedly sexually assaulted by a man who used to be friends with her good friend. The friend is mad at the assaulter about some other things they had done to him, and wants to use my friend to get back at the assaulter, by outing him publicly at my friend's reputation's expense. He is giving her guilt trips such as what if there will be other victims and so on. My friend is very traumatized and hysterical that she doesn't want other people to know about it just yet and feels guilty of others being assaulted due to the pressure the friend is placing on her. Should she ruin her reputation in the conservative community she lives in by letting the friend take the story to the newspapers where even if she remains anonymous in the story it will leak and come out it was her? She even threatened she'll commit suicide out of shame yet the "friend" is already talking to a major newspaper editor. She's been in therapy for only a few months and the "friend" thinks she should be ok with it by now and if she's not she never will and that the story has to come out, the sooner the better, before he attacks again. Should the victim sacrifice her being to save other potential victimswhen she's so mentally unstable?

Answer 1

Revenge is never a good answer for any problem.

Answer 2

If she needs more therapy, get it for her! Does your friend's family know? Your friend needs lots of support from the community. Other innocent victims should be saved from this individual.

Yes, the media should report the truth, but the police should know first and she should get a lawyer, a restraining order against the man, and sue the pants off him! Then, she sould get a conviction against him to make sure he is imprisoned and listed as a s*x offender.

Why hurt more people? Your friend should think of herself as a hero! And all of her friends and relatives should get behind her and give her lots and lots and lots of good, loving support by making sure she knows she IS a hero.

Use the guilt for motivation to prevent this predator from stalking more victims. I doubt that she's the first!

Answer 3

Has anyone told the police what happened?! Seriously, that would be the first thing to do. Instead of reporting the story to the newspaper, report it to the police. Give the man's name (if it's known) and/or a description so that the police can stop him. The police can even get the man's name and/or drawing/photo on the news (without any information other than he is wanted). I think doing this is more practical, and plus, the victim will definitely be anonymous.

Answer 4

it's not a s*x scandal if she was raped.  It's a criminal act.

If she has the opportunity to out him and have him prosecuted for this crime then she will be protecting others from her fate.  Also since he's a public figure what often happens is other victims will come forward.  And standing up to him publicly will help her heal.

BUT all that being said, if she is not in a place where she feels that turning him in will empower her then she isn't there.  

What you should be doing is telling the other friend to lay off her because she isn't able to help the way that this person wants to help.  You should also encourage her to continue seeing her therapist and to listen to her therapist's advice in this matter.  It's far more important right now that your friend heal and get past this trauma.

Answer 5

I agree with "sassy" revenge is never good because it will come back on you. I would tell them no and to stay out of it. I had an acquaintance and a family member wanting me to do something to two different girls that was "so-called" stalking them. It was VERY cruel what they wanted me to do and i told them no because I had nothing to do with it and plus i would of felt bad. Remember two sides to every story