Please guide me with regards to a depressed friend?

Question

I have a friend who has recently gone through a divorce. He seems to want to spend time by himself and appears to have removed himself from his friends and relatives. Is this typical behaviour? I dont want to bother him but feel that I should be keeping in touch at least to let him know he is cared for and that I am thinking about him. We have been good friends for years. What is the right balance between giving him space and not abandonning him at a time of need? Please guide me.

Answer 1

He needs some time by himself. Give him a few weeks, maybe one or two months. If his isolation goes on past three months, then you should try and talk to him. But for now, it's probably best to leave him be.

Answer 2

there is a great website that has a wonderful chart that clearly lays out the difference between depression and just ordinary grief. if the divorce is as recent as you imply, then he may still be going through the normal stages of grief.

Answer 3

He probably just needs time to himself. Just try phoning him every now and again but try not to make it obvious that the reason your phoning him is because you're worried about him. Just make it seem like friendly banter.

Answer 4

There's no such thing as typical. People vary a LOT in how they deal with divorce (or anything else).

There's no rule for how much space and attention to give him. He's your best guide.

As for other guidance, let him talk about it if he wants, and listen sympathetically. If he doesn't want to talk, don't push.

Then, whether he wants to talk or not, distract him, get him out and about, and doing things, if possible.

You can't force things. But  continuing to let him know you care is a good thing to do. He'll heal at his own rate.