Please help, I do not want to abort...?

Question

Okay so I'm 16 and my boyfriends 18. I'm pregnant and he wants me to get an abortion. I never really pictured this happening on my first time but it did, but just because I didn't expect this to happen doesn't mean that I shouldn't give birth. right? I know that the father should have say, but I told him that it wouldn't have to have any contact with the baby. My dad is really well off and will have no problem taking care of us, and of course I will keep my job. Is it being selfish to keep this baby? I don't even know at this moment that I won't do adoption. But I know that I can not abort.I know that it will be hard, but my dad suports me in any decision, but I don't think I could live with myself if I aborted. Is there any way I can convince him. I told him that he didn't want to be around he didn't have to be. I am just really confused and in need of some advice from adluts.

Answer 1

you are young but that still doesn't change the fact that you are facing a hard time in your life , No one can make you do anything you don't want to do ...  Keep the baby if you want to , your child means more then a boyfriend does, mostly as the closer your due date gets , he will smarten up and realize what he needs to do ... but if not , take great care of that baby and yourself .... Good luck

Answer 2

It would be supremely selfish to abort the child.  Remember, you chose to have s*x with the boy.  The boy chose to have s*x with you.  The baby didn't get a choice so why should the baby be the one that's punished by an abortion?

Raising a child is a the toughest and most rewarding thing you can do.  BUT, if you have the support of our family, you can do it.  If you find that parenthood is too hard, you could choose to give the baby up for adoption.

Abortion is less than an answer.

Answer 3

Well you are young and you got to remember that having a child is a lifetime responsibility, but if you think your mature enough, and want to keep it then do so. Dont let no one  tell yo otherwise.

As for your bf, he needs to stay in that babies life. he knows what s*x can cause, so if he is old enough to do it, his old enough to face up to his responsibility's!!

Answer 4

My high school girlfriend and I got pregnant during our first time at 17yrs. When she told me, the first thing that came to mind for ME was abortion. It was just what I assumed we would do. Who honestly WANTS to be a teen parent?  I was waiting for the question of, "Will you come with me?", but instead I heard, "I'm going to have it and you can be involved or not involved." So I stepped up to the plate and started working my @ss off to support the baby. After all, it was as much mine as it was hers.

We went into our senior year of high school, were both working 2-3 jobs, buying things, helping people with babies to get experience etc. Both my parents and hers tried to convince us to go with adoption that having a baby wouldn't be a good idea at our age etc but both of us were too stubborn to even look into it.

Our daughter, Rina, was born on Feb 3, 2006. I was 18.5yrs and my girlfriend would have been 18yrs in June. It was extremely stressful and tiring trying to take care of a baby, go to school, work etc. Kids were cruel and people looked down upon us. What got even worse was the relationship between myself and my girlfriend and though we made the decision that we would try and stay together "forever" for the baby, that idea was on its way down the drain within a month.

On  April 3, 2006, my girlfriend was killed in a car accident driving home from work. I had the option to give our daughter to her parents, up for adoption all together or keep her myself. After looking in depth at all my choices and not really my future, I decided to keep her. I felt that since we’ve already bonded and I’ve raised her for 2ms…I should finish the job I started. Not the best reason, but I felt that that was the right thing to do. I gave up on a lot of things I wanted to do and went with it.

Here I am 2.5yrs later, 21yrs, have a nice 2 bedroom apartment, going to school, working overtime,  raising my daughter on my own and have family and a girlfriend who I love dearly and who help me out with babysitting from time to time. Rina is extremely smart for her age and talks nonstop in both English and Italian. She likes to jump into my bed every morning at around 6am to wake me so we can watch “Herry The Mowse” (Tom and Jerry) together. She loves to sit in my lap, give hugs and kisses. She tells me that I’m a “good Daddy” when I do something she wants and attempts to say my full first and middle name when she gets mad.  She says phrases like, “Chill” and “Whatcha up to” because she hears me say them all the time.  Sounds all hunky dory but it really is hard. I woke up every night for feedings, went through the colic and teething stages, taught her to walk, talk, took her to doctors appointments, pottytrained...and those are just the basic big ones.

The first thing you need to do is tell your father (or parents) that you're pregnant. Next you need to look at ALL of your options. Open adoption, closed adoption, keeping the baby etc and figure out which one would fit. You need to think about the fact that you still have 1-2yrs (I'm assuming?) left of high school and its overall a cruel place, how you're going to juggle school work, work and a baby, what you're going to do or want to do in the future..next 18yrs+ etc. Meet with caseworkers. Talk to those who've gone through the experience of adoption/being a teen parent. Tell your boyfriend the choices you're looking into and what your decision is when you come to one.

I know as much as you say he doesn't have to have contact if he doesn't want to that you want him to have contact and be involved...but if he doesn't support you during your decision making process and help you come to a conclusion, he didn't care that much to begin with.

My suggestion would be to really look into/consider an open adoption. It was an option no one ever informed me or my girlfriend about and if they had, it would have been something we would have thought about. An open adoption is when you have contact with the family who adopts your child and in some cases you visit him/her. How little or how much contact is decided by you and the family...but usually if a family is willing to do open adoption, they'll let the birth mother decide how little/how much contact she wants.

The reason why I say to go with adoption is because you're only 16yrs. In my opinion, I feel 16yrs is way too young to be taking care of a baby,, regardless of whether you have money, an around the clock nanny, a supporting family etc. It's stressful and 16yrs is too young to have the title MOM to someone.

Remember that you're a parent for the rest of her/his life time...it won't be a baby forever, which many don't picture.

Though I love my daughter to death, if I had one wish, it would be for her to be born 5-6yrs from now. She is the cutest, smartest, funniest and most loveable  2.5yr running, non stop talking, "Daddy what's that?" asking machine I've ever come across in my life, but I missed out on so much and will continue to do because of school or work. I would love to get my degree, find a job, get married, buy a house and then have her come along.

This situation is far from easy and you're going to change my mind a bunch of times about all kinds of decisions. You really need to just sit down, do some research and think. Think about your future and the baby's future. Having him /her live with ____ will be better for ______________?

Good Luck

Answer 5

The father has NO say when it comes to the decision about an abortion.  That would affect your body, and you are the only one who can make that decision.

I have 2 children whose father was being an idiot about it, and I just didn't put a name in the father's spot on the birth certificate.  Since I had a good job and health insurance, it has never been an issue.  The only time this is an issue is if you want to get on any type of public assistance.

Since you are only 16, I would strongly suggest you consider adoption.  At 16, you are just too young to take on such a difficult responsibility all by yourself.  Give yourself a chance to grow up and live a bit, and give your baby a chance at a good life with a couple who is more stable and settled.

Good luck!

Answer 6

I think if you want to keep your baby, then do so. You can not force or convince him to stay around if you tell him abortion or adoption is not a option. If he decides not to be around, then he is a coward!! It is great that you have your father to help, so things will not be so difficult. Keep your baby and be happy...you do not need him! but on the other hand, he may come around sooner or later (who knows). All I want to say is: Your dad is not going to be around forever so... STAY IN SCHOOL and further your education, you need to get a education for your baby and you, so you can have a good career to support you and your baby!

Good Luck girl!!

Answer 7

I don't think it's selfish not to abort. It's more selfish to abort, because both of you decided to have s*x. You both should have went through the consequences of those actions well.

Your boyfriend can't make you have an abortion. What he does need to do is keep it in his pants, if he's not ready for a child this much.

I think people who have abortions suffer more then ones who just take responsibility for their actions. There's always that reminder and wonder of "what would my life be like if I actually kept my baby?"

Answer 8

abortion is never the answer , you can t take a human life  because you made a mistake... you would have to live with that the rest of your life.. tell your b/f to help or go ,but dont take a life to satisfy him , because he doesn t want responsibility.  you seem  levelheaded  ,with your fathers help you ll be ok  gl

Answer 9

Only YOU know the answer to this question and you already told us your oppinion. I admire your decision and I wish you good health and strenghth.

If you think that you will "convince the father" to be with you because of the baby, this is wrong!

If you are prepared to face all the responsabilities - then why not? I hope your baby will be healthy and you will forget all problems when you will see him/ her smiling.

I am a little worried...you asked for some advice "from adults"... do you think you are a kid?

From this moment you are as adult as the rest of us: you think to have a baby...so please decide quickly, before giving birth!

Are you teenager or adult?  I think this is important to know before being a mother.

Answer 10

Is it selfish to not want to abort?  Absolutely the complete opposite my friend.  You got pregnant your first time, it ca happen- that is why abstinence is so important- however you are carrying a baby, not something that will become a baby.  Adoption is also a great choice for someone so young- but the most selfish thing in the world would be to take the life of the child that you are carrying. Do what your heart deems best, either parent, with the help of your father, or place for adoption. God bless.

Answer 11

your boyfriend cant make u abort its your baby and ure body. Hes not the one who will go through depression after u will. if u wanna live ure life the same way you are now then i would abort. but because u already love this baby and u wanna keep it then you dont need the father part of the baby's life. I know its hard to think but alot of women do it everyday. And for adoption its a great thing. Many couples are wanting a healthy baby and cant have one you should look that road too. well good luck in what ever you decide but its all up to you no one else not even your bf

Answer 12

leave that guy and do abortion becoz he is not trust worthy .find some one who understands u r pain.

Answer 13

A child is a major responsibilty, you'r only 16. Do what you think is best for you and your unborn child.. It's your baby so partially it is your choice. Remember if you get an abortion its killing a living human, they are just not born yet.

Answer 14

I don't think the father should have ANY say in whether you get an abortion or not. It's your life and your body - a man can always walk away from his responsibilities so make choices for YOU.

Answer 15

He knows the consequences of his actions at 18.  I'm sorry that he feels that you should have an abortion.  I would tell him that you are going to have this baby because you feel it is the right thing to do.  I do think that men can choose to have s*x or not and they can choose to be a 'dad' or not but they can't choose to abort a baby. Why?  Because it is emotionally and physically traumatic for a woman.

As some others have mentioned, you are carrying a child.  You now have the responsibility of caring, providing for and loving someone other than yourself for the rest of your life.  You are now considered an adult in my eyes.  Treat yourself like one and step up like one (as I'm sure you are).  Understand that your life is going to flip around from everything you know and are used to and it will be difficult, but it will be beautiful and rewarding as well.

I'm glad you have family who can help you financially and emotionally.  Most girls your age do not have that kind of support - even women who get pregnant sometimes don't have the resources to give their child the best.  Be grateful each and every day for all that you have and teach your child to do the same.

Good energy and blessings your way... :)

Answer 16

you are young but not that young at mind. you know what you want. To have your father on your side makes it easier but you cant always look at him as your meal ticket you will be on your own at some stage. your boyfriend is probably not ready for kids he is at the party age, which you have not reached yet. If he has said no i doubt you can convince him he will probably run scared. Also even though you said he wont have to have anything to do with the child he will still legally need to pay child support and he will be aware of this, thats also probably why hes scared. 16 years of paying maintance is not easy. Are you ready to be a parent though and a single one at that?  you make up your mind and he will have to support you or walk away. Dont ever be forced to do something you dont want to do, it will forever effect you. Good luck. do what you feel is best for you and the child, dont bring a child into an unstable life thats all i ask. x