Please help. Bad friend or Bad horsemanship???

Question

Ok this will sound a little childish, but just for my own sanity I need some advice. I was at a competition last week (barrel racing) and my best friend (who always wins) Lost to ME. Now she wont speak to me. She left without congratulating me or even saying goodbye. Plus I had to clean her stall because she left it a mess and we were all told to clean our stalls before we left. How would you handle this? Should I confront her or am I being stupid about this whole thing??? Please help

Answer 1

If she's your best firend, she should be happy for you. Just talk to her, ask her why she's upset, let her tell you her side of the story. Compliment her riding and say how you just can't believe you beat her cuz she's sooooo talented and has such a nice horse and you think the world of her.

If she wins all the time, maybe she needed a reality check. If she continues to be a sore loser, maybe she's not really a friend.  

Answer 2

Some folks are so competitive that they don't think about anybody else or anybody else's feelings if they win or lose.  If you're her friend, then you will understand her nature and look beyond her faults.

At least the two of you can share horses together!  My best friend (Over 40 years now) finally got another horse after a 28 year layoff a few years ago.  She's now learning why I stuck with it all these years and I get to hear about her learning adventures (We live several hundred miles away from each other.).

Answer 3

Kill her with kindness if she's being s****. to you.  What I mean by that is be extra kind to her even if she's s****. back to her.  Maybe then she'll get the hint that it doesn't matter to you whether she's being s****.  and won't speak to you.  Don't let it bother you, at all.  It's not you're fault you won : )

Answer 4

Shes just jealous that she lost her winning streak. She is being childish and shouldnt have left you to clean up her mess.

You need to talk to her and tell her how much you admired her but you thik she is being quite silly about it all. Joke and say, 'well, after watching you all these years I was bound to do well once'

Answer 5

Jealous of your success no doubt. sounds like she's a sore loser !

keep your dignity, rise above it chin up and  carry on with your life. You will be the better person, she needs to grow up !!

good luck x

Answer 6

did you rub it in her face? (just checking)

i think next competition you go to, if she wins congradulate her. dont worry about her, shes being childish

Answer 7

Sometimes people get too used to winning competitions...she will get over herself eventually...its not your fault that your hard work and determination finally paid off...your friend sounds like she could win 1st place in the spoil brat competition....if she cant handle losing one or twice, she wont make it very far in life...You are not being stupid about this, SHE is....its totally NOT your fault...jeesh..I beat my sister on her own horse last year (my horse got injured on the trailer..so we doubled up on her horse) and I beat her...she got SO mad and cried a while...but then she realized that she was being childish and petty, she got over it...your friend will too...

Answer 8

she's just upset she lost give her some room and if she continues to ignore you then confront with a  casual "anything wrong?" type of convo..... CONGRATS ON YOUR WIN GIRL!! =)

and yeah she may be happy for you but just upset she lost lol  

Answer 9

From your details about your prior interaction, I would say you are likely a very supportive person who realizes the importance of being shown how supportive and helpful you can be to another.  Your personality probably is of the type that makes you more aware of how people feel about you and your showing them how you feel about them than the meeting of your goals.  Some people are of a different personality type who focus more on the outcomes of meeting their goals than how people feel about them or how others perceive them.

I would suggest you really delve into your feelings - and that perhaps confronting her might not be the thing to do.  She might just be the type of person with a big ego that finds herself liking being the "hero" to another person - but not value being the supporter to another person - this is a competition factor - some are more competitive than others.

What is your goal, meeting your goals of winning or gathering friends?  If you goal is winning at your barrel racing prospects, simply tuck the information you've just gathered away and act accordingly.  I wouldn't suggest treating her differently, just possibly cooler.  Don't fawn over her if she wins again, don't go out of your way to be her best buddy.  It's a competition.  Why did you clean her stall?  Why not leave it to her to do or pay the consequences for not doing it?  she's been allowed to be the hero and now has found that if she treats you poorly, you'll still do nice things for her like clean her stall.  it's likely no one's ever even noticed that you did it for her, least of all her.

So - I suggest you might be happiest if you keep your goals first and foremost in your mind, strive to reach them, determine who's a true friend whether you win or lose, and count them as valuable.  You've learned that she's not understanding of your needs as a friend - and a true friend is one that will go out of their way to understand you, the differences between you and them, and act accordingly without being judgemental.  Be nice to her, but don't put yourself in the position of being used by her again.  You've learned a lesson now.

But don't take it personally - if she's ticked off because you won, how good a friend was she anyway?  A good friend would be supporting you.  Get out there, smile, prove how good you are at what you do, look to younger girls who might be looking up to you the way you looked up to her and focus on what their view is of you.  Don't become her.  Getting mad at her or telling her off, while it might make you feel better for a short while will not change her ways.  Just smile, say Hi when the opportunity presents itself and watch for opportunities to proactively tell her how you feel.  If she stables next to you and leaves the stall messy next time, let her take the fall for it.  show whomever you need to show that your stall is being left clean and hers hasn't.  If they ask you to clean it, then do so for them, not her.  They will have noticed her lack.

Above all, note these things, why they make you sad and don't become like her.

Now get out there and win again!

Answer 10

She might be more upset at herself for a ride that isn't up to her usual standard, but she's taking it out on you. Give her some time to cool down, then try to get back into your normal routine.

If she's a real competitor, she'll step up her training and her game for the next competition. And maybe you should, too--you and your horse obviously have the ability to beat her. A few losses might be good for her (and a few wins certainly won't be bad for you).

Answer 11

whatever you do just remember that she has no right to be mad at you. you did nothing wrong. maybe try acting like it never happened, say hi when you see her and wave. just don't apologize to her. its a bit arrogant of her to get so upset about it. if she doesn't get over it soon, you might want to ask her if its worth destroying your friendship just because you won once. remind her that you were still friends with her even though she always beat you.

good luck!

Answer 12

Years ago my friend and I tried out for a game show.  I got on, and she didn't.  She acted the way your friend is acting.  We were alone together on a trip to Hollywood, and she wouldn't speak to me.  I just ignored it, and spoke as usual.  Eventually she just had to realize how ridiculous she was acting, and she began speaking.  To this day, we have never spoken of it again.  I figure it's her place to apologize, but I'm not going to make a big deal about it.  The friendship is worth just letting it go.

Answer 13

Yes it's childish, but not on your part. You should be offended and hurt. Your friend showed immaturity, poor class, and irrespsonsibility by not cleaning her stall.

You showed class by cleaning her stall in spite ofher mistreating you. She needs to grow up a little bit.

Next time you ride against her, do your best and win again if you can. It's her problem if she can't deal with losing. And if she is going to keep on being  a brat is she really that good a friend?

I'd ask her why she is mad at you, but be prepared for her to act silly. If she does, ignore her and keep doing the best you can. Congratulations on your win! Sounds like your friend is spoiled and your mama taught you manners while hers did not. Keep on with your classy act.

Answer 14

Your friend (or should I say "friend") needs to grow up.  You rode and beat her, isn't that the point?  You are not competing to let her win, and she should know this.  You seem like a very dedicated and good friend, I wish I had ones like you.  She should be thankful that you are her friend, if YOU didn't clean out HER stall, she could have gotten a piece of some matnience worker's minds.  You have done absolutly nothing wrong, she could have been supportive of you, and if she had been, this would have never happened.  Instead, she decided to be selfish and immature.  She needs to figure out that everyone has off days, and she is not the best and you are competition in the arena, not someone making her look good.  Just continue acting the same around her, because you already sound like your doing a super job.  I think she will eventually relize that you ment no harm and that she needs to lay off a bit.