Please help! Is there any way to get my daughter back?

Question

I had her in September last year and at the time I had her, I didn't have a thing to my name, not even a car or a job. I was raped and her father didn't claim her at all. Now I'm making good money, I have a car and I would be able to support her. She was adopted though and my life has been h**l without her. I cry almost every day, I can't eat or sleep and I throw up alot out of just grief. Needless to say, I want and need her back. So if you have anything that could help me and website or anything it would be much appreciated. I just don't even know where to start. I do know her birth parents and where they live, things like that. I live in Georgia, so the laws may be different. I thank any one who reads this and can offer a bit of help.

thank you and god bless,

Christina

Answer 1

i am a parent of 2 adopted children who i love very much i would be devasted if the birth parents came looking 4 them u got 2 understand u made the choice 2 put  the child up 4 adoption u could have put child into fostering until u got yourself sorted please get help i can only think of the pain of the adoptive parents if u started fighting 4 the child not to mention what it would do to the child this is not a toy.i think u need help u say your life is h**l u have no idea what it would be like with the child it might look Rose but rearing kid is hard work you should try and come to terms with the fact the child is gone u will still carry love in your heart and maybe when the child is old enough a meeting can be arranged please don't destroy the joy u gave the adoptive parents when u decided to give child up

Answer 2

I don't want to criticize you but your story sounds very dramatic as if it was stretched but if not you should talk to a lawyer and yes of course you could get her back.

Answer 3

I'm confused are you the biological mother? :S

Well if she has been fully adopted, she is in the custody of the adoptive parents which means unless they give her up, then  id ont think you have a say... :S i dunno appeal to the court...

Answer 4

Have you had any contact with her since her adoption.  You'll probably need to get a lawyer to help you out.  As bad as YOU want her back, please remember she is happy and stable in the home she's been raised in.  You'll probably have to establish a relationship with her via visitation rights before you can even fight to get her back.  It's in the best interests of the child not you, sorry if that sounds mean, but it's how the law sees it.  I really hope you can at least get to know your child if nothing else.  Best of luck to you.

Answer 5

I'm sorry you lost your daughter to adoption, but giving up a baby is a permanent reaction to a temporary problem.  You reacted, in a situation where other mothers might have found support and kept their babies.  You knew that the adoption was permanent even if your situation changed in the future.  You still gave her away and it is unfortunately long past when you could have legally revoked consent.   You had other options such as refusing to sign the papers, getting temporary care for her while you got onto your feet, or obtaining financial support so you could keep her.  

The grief you are facing is normal. in fact, you should have been told about it in counseling before any adoption took place: that there is at least a 50% chance that it will stay the same or even get worse over decades.  Plus there is the risk of PTSD, severe depression, and secondary infertility.  Social workers and adoption lawyers know about this fact. To give informed consent you should have been told about the risks.  If this information was withheld from you, then go ahead and sue for fraud and emotional damage. Contact organizations such as Origins-USA that support natural mothers and they can at least provide information and support.  [Avoid "triad groups" and agency counseling where natural mothers have little voice and are counseled to "think of the wonderful gift they gave."]

Good luck.

Answer 6

The level of relationship you may or may not be able to have with her depends on the type of adoption that took place...open or closed.  If you know the parents and where they live, you may consider writing them a letter to let them know you have an interest in being a part of her life and then let it go.  From there, it should be her adoptive parents choice to make that decision since they know your little girl.  They will be able to judge whether or not that would be in her best interest.  Respect their decision as they are looking out for your daughters best interest.  I'm sorry for your loss, but would recommend you take care of yourself and get the support you need to walk through this life event and find some healing.

Answer 7

I disagree with the last comment that the adoptive parents took a risk to be devastated. They have adopted this child and they are now legally the parents.

I'm sorry for what you've been through but in the long run you've made the right decision. Your baby will have the best possible life while you can get your life straight again. You may be able to have some form of contact through the adoptive parents by sending letters and they may agree to send you photos and updates of how she's doing but I don't think you taking her away from her parents is the right thing to do.

Answer 8

Maybe talking to a lawyer, see what he has to say.

Answer 9

hi christina... i'm so sorry for your situation...

but...unfortunately, it's unlikely that you can overturn the adoption, especially if you've signed termination of parental rights.

absent of coercion, or fraud, it's unlikely.  and if you wish to claim coercion or fraud, it will cost you a ton of money (and the aparents will fight you--and will most likely have more support and resources).  i would talk with someone at legal aid and see what your option are.

((((hugs))))

ps.  these types of stories rip my heart out!  this is the very reason why pre-birth placements are so stank!  people need to let moms alone until THEY decide they can not parent... not allow pregnant women in TEMPORARY bad situations; and  especially those with traumatic experienced like a rape to sign parental termination papers...

Answer 10

Adoption is final, there is no way to get her back.

You can visit her and talk to the adoptive parents, but they are her parents now.  

Answer 11

By Georgia law, unless someone has committed fraud, you've waited too long.  What I would suggest is you write a letter stating that things have changed, and you truly wish for an open adoption, and you would like to be a contributing factor to your daughter's life.  Please get some counseling.  I know it sounds lame, however, it can help you deal with your losses.  Getting an attorney is futile, because the law was most likely followed.  Try to work with the AP's.  As an AP, I've just been in contact with my son's bio parents, and am thrilled to have them be a part of his life.  We're all working together and it's great.

Answer 12

"I do know her birth parents and where they live, things like that."  I thought you WERE her birth parent.

You can't just take your daughter back.  You sound kind of  irrational, so if your question is real, you need to get some counselling.  I'm sorry for your loss, but it seems as though you made the right decision for your daughter- to begin with.  

Can your family/parents help you with your situation?  I think if everything was done legally you won't be able to get her back.

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Write to the adoptive parents and let them know you want to be a part of her life and go from there.

Answer 13

I disagree with the other answer and I think that is was brave of you to have a child that was a result of rape rather than abortion and that it is even braver of you to want this child and that is shows your love for this child. I don't know the laws or how to help but I would say get a lawyer and talk to them, the best you may be able to do is open adoption with visits but it is worth a shot, she is still young enough that although it will be hard on her she doesnt have long term memories so she wont remember this in a year or even a few months, now the new parents will be devastated, but you are devastated, and that's a risk they took, but since its been under a year I'd get talking to someone fast just because the sooner its done probably helps your case a lot more, goodluck, and know that even if all you get is visitation shell still know you as her mother, and if you know the parents that adopted her than you probably know if they are good people and as youve allowed them to care for her ill assume they are and that should provide some comfort to you in case all you get is visitation. goodluck!

Answer 14

I think your response is very human and very understandable.

Once an adoption is finalized, it is final.  It cannot be overturned unless you can prove coersion or fraud.  

Have you considered talking to the adoptive parents?  It is always possible to make the adoption more open, to allow you to be a part of your daughter's life.  All of the research on open adoptions indicate that this is very healthy for the adoptee.  If you don't want to contact the adoptive parents directly, maybe the adoption agency/social worker can act as an intermediary. Even if the adoption cannot be overturned, this doesn't mean that you can't be involved with your daughter's life!

It also sounds as though you are coping with some depression issues.  Again, this is very human and very understandable.  You have been through a LOT and some wounds are only expected.  Please look into getting some help.  

Best of luck to you.

Answer 15

It is a horrible thing you are going through, but try to think of the family your little girl is now a part of.  I hope she finds you some day, but you will destroy that family if you are able to go back and take away someone they now are raising as their daughter.

I was adopted by great people and my b-mother went through the same stuff you are going through right now.  I found her after 30 years....and I still don't regret my adoption.  She would have loved me, but could not provide the home I grew up in.  If you were that destitute only a year ago, you cannot be as stable as you think you are now.

Sorry.

Answer 16

if the adoption is final, then I highly doubt it. Besides, is that really fair to the child who would probably be well attacjed to her adoptive parents and to the adoptive parents who have alot of time and effort and also an attachment. In adoption these days, they give you plenty of time to make sure this is right for you and the grace period in which time to change your mind has long since pasted. I recommend that you just on and feel good that she is being raised by a loving family.

Answer 17

Let this rest and carry on with your life.  You relinquished your child because you couldn't care for her and she has found a good home with people that love and care for her well now.  To even think of trying to get her back is unreasonable.  You did the right thing then, do the right thing now and leave the child be.

Answer 18

If this is a serious question, then I think you are being a very selfish person. Unfortunately bad things have happened in your past, but think how it would hurt not only the adoptive parents but your baby girl. You are a stranger to her, and because you are sad because you made the decision to give her up, you would take her away from the only people she knows and loves? You could have made very different decisions before instead of adoption, don't make the wrong choice now, for your daughters sake, you need to leave her be and love her from afar.

Answer 19

Sadly - it's most likely that it's too late to get your baby back - unless you can prove coercion.

Sadly - too many don't realise that adoption is forever - a long term solution to an often short term problem.

I'm sorry for you - and for your baby.

Please do take care of you.

http://origins-usa.org/

http://www.adoptioncrossroads.org/

http://www.adoptingback.com/

http://www.adoptioncrossroads.net/board/...

Answer 20

I am so sorry for your situation and for the pain that you are feeling.   I hope that you will consider counseling to deal with both the rape and the adoption.  I can't speak on the legal side of adoption but I sourced some website that may help, birthmother rights etc....  But also know, that your child is blessed to have the love of two families, you and the adoptive parents.  You're in my prayers.