Please help!!!! Its the HORRIBLE twos!!!!!?

Question

I have an 18 month old daughter that is driving me nuts with her temper tantrums and constant resistance to discipline. There are good days and bad days. The bad days consist of her running around the house yelling "no", "shut up" and throwing everything on the floor. I try and take her out as much as I can. But lately I haven't been able to go to the store without her throwing a tantrum and dealing with ppl staring. I would love some suggestions as to how to discipline my child or hear how you dealt with it. Oh yea and another thing, I deal with my Mother-in-law on a daily basis too and she acts super mortified everytime she hears my daughter screams and is constantly criticizing me about my parenting skills. She doesn't even bother to help. Please please please help!!!!

- signed a *Distressed Mother *

Answer 1

Hmm, it happens...my son was pretty good overall and still went through this phase...Mother in laws don't remember raising their kids because it was so long ago (and they were perfect, right?)  Ignore her, she is not your problem...in fact have her around less if she is making you feel bad.  You have a baby and this is how they act, find a chair that you can put in the corner and if she acts up, she can sit in time out..keep putting her in that chair, and let her know that she can go back to playing when she calms down.  This will work over time, but kids this age are also crazy!  My son was the worst at 3, so hopefully you won't get the terrible 2's carrying over to that age.  It is a hard time because they don't understand and don't have much of the verbal skills to express themselves.  Relax!  It will always be something, but give yourself a break!

Answer 2

It sounds like a good old fashion whack on the butt is long past due. For the no and shut ups try a little tiny taste of white vinegar. Think that is horrible well it's better than a smart *** for a child and it won't hurt her one bit. It simply taste bad.

Answer 3

the mother in law is spoiling her. Trust me. I have an 18mth old son and a 28month old daughter. I spend all day alone with both of them.  I notice my daughter has tantrums with something that I have given in to her before. She has tantrums but not bad ones.  One thing that helps me is sticking to your guns. If you say no to something, you need to say no again the next time you do it, because they DO REMEMBER.   Also, the mother in law is not helping. WIth my 13 yr old daughter, it caused lots of problems having my mom around.  She had a hard time respecting me as a parent and it is why she had lots of temper tantrums and authority issues.   If your child throws a tantrum in the store, then leave.  Parenting isnt easy, and I hope you get a break. This doesnt last forever, but training a child, especially in the toddler stage shapes the way a person will be like when he/she is older.

Answer 4

Twos can be soooo much fun and so aggravating......They are wanting to be independent but also still want to be the baby. It is so hard for them and for the care giver.

What I do with mine in terms of throwing things is I have a bunch of beanie babies...got at a yard sale and I have a clean bucket....I made a game of throwing the toys into the bucket....if she starts wanting to throw things I will redirect her to that and usually it works...espically if you make a big deal about it....If she resists then you start playing and she will join in. Two year old want to do what you are doing and the good thing is they are easily distracted...so when they start getting into things or start with a throwing fit you can channel that behavior. I also provide lots of baskets and have toys in them as toddlers love to dump....many books will say they like to fill and dump...but personally I have only seen them dump....let her dump things....get some cardboard blocks or soft blocks and build with her and let her knock them down....this lets out a lot of aggression and you are now in control of what she is dumping or throwing or knocking down. If you have things like that around the house and you can play with her...it will help the behavior.   When she starts running around the house you can make a game of it...I know with the 2 year old I have I will chase him a bit....we will do this for about 5 mins then I will redirect him to something else...some times he does it just to get attention and sometimes it is just to get out some energy....with him usually it is around lunch time or dinner time, he is getting hungry and tired but does not know how to deal with it...so I will chase him for a bit and it seems to help the behavior.....if your mother in law has a problem with this ingore her or explain that this is your daughter and you are doing what you feel is best for her.

Does she live with you?  If so I would try to get out of the house as much as possible...go the park, I have found a lot of friends there and they all have the same problems that I and you are having....this has helped me a lot as I can talk with them and get good ideas and advice.

Shopping with a 2 year old can be quite an event...I have a couple toys that only come out when we go food shopping...and they are just a calcuator and an old cell phone...both keep him interested for a little while...I also will pack a snack or two as this will help keep him busy...espically if it is like a bag of crackers or a bag of fruit pieces....and just allow this snack when you are shopping....we also make a game of things..like on the ride to the store i will tell the kids <I also have a 4 year old> that they need to remind me to buy....what ever they would like....like bananas, rice crackers or even ice cream.....this makes them involved....I have also made cards and had the child find the different items...I got some card stock paper and cut them into 5 by 5 inch pieces and then I will draw a picture of the food...or I will cut out a picture of the product and he has to find the different items as we shop....these help but then there are days when he will scream and try to get out or the carrige and cause a really good show for other parents....I use to be so embarrassed but then I realized I had to get the food and he was not going to get his way....so I will ingore the behavior and just get through the task as best I can...if people stare make a comment like "yep I think he is going to be an opera singer.....or   "I feel the same way about the prices going up." then just smile and walk away...I find if I make eye contact with those starring they will either walk away or comment about how they have gone though the same thing.  If you get the comments from others about the behavior just ingore it or do what I do and smile at them and thank them for letting me know how they feel....I hate when people comment and say how I cannot control my child....so I just act so sugarery sweet and then it embarasses them.

Answer 5

well every child is different.. i can tell you what i do but doesn't mean it will work for your daughter.

I talk to my son very firmly and actually do what I say. For instance at the store if he throws a tantrum I say I am going bye bye and walk off and leave him.. he cries and runs after me..

I don't care who is staring at the end of the day it's my full time job not there's so i need to fix the problem my way.

I don't scream at him I tried that and noticed with my son it only makes things worse. So i talk to him very firmly and nicely then he listens to me.. ' NO sweety put that down and COME HERE' and when he does come i say good boy and give him a kiss.

It didn't happen over night for me my son still won't listen to his dad. I think you need to find the way to approach your child according to her personality

Good luck

~MeL~

Answer 6

first off - ignore grandma!  it's horrible that she is criticizing you and not helping!  

i've got a 22 month old and i do the mommy stare.  i just stare right at her and don't say anything.  it totally freaks her out and she stops acting up usually.  this will sound weird, but sometimes i make weird noises like a meowing and it snaps mine out of the tantrum.  basically i try to distract mine and she seems to calm down.  however, there are days when nothing works and i just roll with it.  she hasn't done this in public yet, so we'll see how well my weird temper tantrum stoppers work when the time comes.  

for future tantrums:  with my 4 year old i tell her that it is not 6 o'clock on tantrum tuesday and she'll just have to wait till then to have her tantrum.  i tell her we all want to see it so it better be a good one.  it works everytime!  even though it's totally illogical it makes sense to her and she stops having a fit.  luckily this only happens when she is over tired and that is not that often.

Answer 7

do you do the slap on the hand and say no

that and when your at home and she does it put her in time out when she get up put her back in her spot

and keep doing it until she stop leaving the spot and make sure you tell her why she is in trouble.

Answer 8

Be happy that your kid is showing her independence.

Ignore gramma.

Encourage positive behavior.  Let her help you with some task and make sure she understands that she is a big helper and that she is special and has a place in the family.  Also, tell her that she is a "big girl" when she is good.

Ignore negative behavior.  Leave the room if you have to.  Tell her that tantrums are for "babies" not big girls.

Answer 9

Call supernanny haha.

Answer 10

You should try watching shows like Nanny 911, and I know it sounds REALLLLY dumb, but my aunt watched it and used some of the methods on her toddler, and it worked. She dosn't go wild and run around as much, and she has A.D.D.! hope this helps! :[

Answer 11

1.

Communicate with your mother-in-law during a "good" time, when things are calm (naptime).  Have a tea party for two or take her to lunch.  Have a nice amicable conversation.  Then ask for her advice.  She'll be flattered.  She'll see that you are trying to improve.  She'll be more likely to be supportive and helpful.

But, if she still doesn't change, be truthful and tell her that if she's not going to help, then at least don't be a hindrance and leave you alone.

Also, if you are both of the same faith, take the opportunity to pray together about the situation.  Prayer can change things and people, too.

2.

My 2 year old also started her terrible twos stage at about 18 months.  I don't know if your child has other siblings, but if so, be sure to pay attention to see if (or when) they are provoking her, and deal with them about it right away to cut down that behavior.

3.

A lot of the frustration a child feels when they can't communicate well verbally, comes out as fits.  So, be patient, for now.  She'll get better over time, especially if you train yourself to stay calm and non-reactive, but rather, be responsive.  Develop a game plan in advance for dealing with her behavior and stick to it consistently.

Also, your game plan should be preventive, proactive, and progressive, meaning:

a.

plan ahead by making sure her basic needs are met before you run out to the store with her: food, water, and rest; I learned the hard way to stop taking my kids to the store when they are hungry, thirsty, or sleepy.  Also, many times kids get irritable when they don't have enough water because their little brains need it even more than we do.  

A nutritionist I see has been encouraging me to stick with spring water, over any other types (she always says to use Deer Park).

White sugar and concentrated fruit sugars can also make children very irritable, and even depressed once the high drops.  We no longer keep white sugar in the house.  We rarely add sugar to foods, and use Turbinado, Stevia, Honey, and other natural sugars when we do.

And, instead of juice, we keep fresh fruit in the house.  I learned how to cut it up into small baby size pieces.  For harder fruits, we microwave the pieces with a little bit of apple juice for a minute or so and then let it cool before serving.  They love that!  And it's lower in sugar and higher in vitamins than junk and candy.

b.

bring a few things that you know she loves with you when you go out; keep them in the car all of the time, if you can; for instance, I keep a container of non-perishable snacks and small disposable bottles of water for kids that have the drink spouts on them

For things that are perishable (juice or soy milk drink boxes), I pack them the night before and put them in the refrigerator in a "special" purple lunch bag so that we don't forget to take it with us.

I also keep a small portable box full of toys, books, stuffed animals in the trunk that the kids like to play with when we're out.  I use them as a treat, instead of using food as a treat.  And they get to play with certain things for good behavior.  They get them taken away for bad behavior.

c.

Be progressive by having interventions based on the level of escalation of the situation.  First offense is a verbal warning, second is another warning and a time-out, third is a swat on the bottom and a time-out again.

After the first offense, I am generally scanning my own brain to think of why she's doing this...like did I feed her, change her, or is she needing a nap...or are her siblings being sneaky...or is she too hot/cold...on and on.  Usually, it's one of these types of factors, BUT sometimes it's just that she wants her own way.  I am learning to tell the difference, and to stand my ground because I don't want a 2 year old to run my household, as I know that this will only lead to her doing this for the rest of her life, if we let her.

My husband, when he's home, also takes an active role in dealing with her, as well.  Unfortunately, we've seen an increase in her bad behavior at bedtime, and believe that she has started using it as a way to get Daddy's attention.  So, now we are shifting the strategy and making sure she has more time with Daddy before bedtime to help eliminate that problem.

Don't worry, things will work out alright.  I have been in your shoes and things are better now that my daughter can talk.  She still has her moments, but it's not as frequent as it used to be and it's a lot easier to calm her down and reason with her because her comprehension has increased greatly in the last year or so (she is now about 30 months old).

All three of my kids went  through the same thing.  With her, it's been the worst because the other kids gang up on her sometimes, too, when we're not watching.  And because she doesn't get quite as much of my attention as I was able to give to my kids when it was just one or two kids for me to watch.

Oh, yeah, one other thing that has helped is to have more of a concrete routine every day.  She knows what routine to expect and flows better in her day without getting upset as easily.  And the older children have been assigned "jobs" during mealtimes and chore time with the oldest being "the leader" and responsible for assigning tasks to the 2 year old.  So, this helps to keep her busy and happy...she loves to be included and hates being excluded.

I know this is long, but hopefully is good and helpful.

Answer 12

Well you have a lot of suggestions here to your question... Whatever you do - you must remember to be consistant!!  That is the most IMPORTANT thing!

When my son was 2 he was fine and then he turned 3 and it started... Just a little late.  

Some kids just lash out like that for attention no matter if it is negative or positive.  When my child threw a tantrum - if we were home - I would just ignore it and let him get over it.  I figured if I ignored him - he would give up - since I didn't give him the attention he wanted.

Good luck - its a tough job!

Answer 13

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