Please help dont know what to do?

Question

okay I'm not sure what to do heres my story:Well I have a 3 year old daughter and 3 month old daughter mu husband has lately has been angry all the time and has mood swing and he gets mad and angry when my 3 month old daughter is crying and doesn't stop at first I thought it was colic,but I don't think it is, it might be teething she had been drooling and chewing on everything and she enjoys me rubbing her gums, well anyways about what I need advice about. i don't know what to do last night my husband was talking to his mom after I had told her that he gets angry at my daughters so she had a talk with him and he was telling her that he doesnt like not having communcation and gets frustrasted because all she does is cry and he don't know what she wants.He never really hold my 3 month old daughter or helps with anything I try really hard to do my best with my daughters,but he seems to think its my fault that she keeps crying because I baby her but I just do what any mother would do and comfort my baby. and with my 3 year old on monday she dropped 25lb weight on her foot and instead of hold ing her as she was hurting he sat her down and said in a tone voice see what happens I have told you over and over to not play with those weights and he tells me he was angry because he hates to see her get hurt,but you know he shouldnt express that to her or my 3 month old. Also my 3 month daughter stops crying when he leaves the room or during the day when hes not here I never have a problem with her having crying spills his mom told me that babies can sense stress and angier and all that and I hate seeing my babies she that.And he has been talking to me about joining the army because it will give my kids a better life but I'm not doing that because while I'm in basic training I don't want to get a phone call saying that one of my girls or both are in the hospital due to being shaken or hurt out of angier or something like that.i just need someones help and advice. I dont have too many friends and the one friend I thought I could trust at one time she told her husband the things I said and her hubby is friends with mine so it got back to him..I'm sorry that my question is so long but I just needed to get it out..I'm don't feel like I'm happy with him but I feel that I need to stay for my two daughters i would hate to see them grow up and not have their father around being that i would move to a different state then he lives in because I'm from cali and he's from Missouri..How is it being a single mom with kids and whats dating like, not that I want to start dating just want some advice and some stories would be great pleaseeee help I don't know what I should do..Thank you for your time!

Answer 1

Sounds like you both need to get into counseling before making any decisions about the future.

And if you're thinking of going into the military, now, at this point in time, you might want to just check yourself and see if you're looking for a quick out instead of a real solution.

Answer 2

Have you sat him down when the kids are sleeping and told him that his behavior is completely unacceptable? He may be stressed but that is not something he needs to take out on innocent babies. He needs to get help and if he wont get the help, you need to get your babies and yourself out of there.

Answer 3

I think your baby is teething...  I would find a pacifier and put it in the freezer for a while.. then let your baby have that.. the coldness will sooth the gums and stop the crying... it wont take long.

I was a single parent for a while and its very very very very difficult.  I urge you at all cost to stick around and make it work.  as long as your husband is not beating you, for the sake of your girls try and make it work.. hope this helps..

Answer 4

i am really sorry you are dealing with all of this. it sounds as if your husband really hasnt bonded with your 3 month old. or just has no patience, which is not good. do u think that is the reason you are not happy with him because of how he acts with the girls, or is there more that makes you unhappy?? if it is just the girls maybe suggest some family counseling, or even just going to a chaplin where he can express his anger and insecurities being a parent???  if its more maybe marriage counseling, i think communication is definitly the best answer. and if you two are not speaking to eachother about how you both feel you will continue to drift apart.

Answer 5

Having one parent love is better than living w/ one that doesnt.

some people are just hard a$$es.  im sure you saw this w/ the first one as well?

When your single you do what you have to. i found it was much easier because i was relying on myself, not looking to somone who i was supposed to be able to rely on fail me and his children.

Answer 6

First of all, quit talking to other people about the problems you and your husband are having. It is extremely disrespectful and must hurt him that you are talking about him behind his back. If you must talk about your problems go to a pastor or counselor where you will get real help.

Second, it sounds to me like he is tired and stressed out. Instead of having his mom talk to hime, ask her if she can keep the wee ones for a night so that he can get a full night of rest and some attention from his wife. That tiredness and stress came out as irritation with the 3 year old when she hurt herself. Why didn't you just look at him and tell him to go rest while you handled the situation and then talk to him about it?

I can also just about bet the bank that the your family is living on a shoestring and he is stressed about money. So see what you can do about cutting back on your budget to make things easier for him.

Remember, as the wife and mother it is you who sets the tone of your home, it is up to you to make it a calm and happy place. Yes this is hard work but it will be the best for all of you if you apply yourself to making it so. If you need help ask the advice of the older women you know, like his mother or grandmother, or older women at your church. Quit asking about being a single mother and focus on your family which includes your husband!

Answer 7

I don't know if your husband had any past contact with babies or little children prior to having his own. But it sounds as if he may just have a hard time communicating with children, period.  You should show him how your youngest daughter does communicate even though it may not be through words.   Let him know that both children sense when he's frustrated and that then changes their moods.   If you believe your husband genuinely wants to be involved then you have to help him do so by empowering him in a way and not shutting him out.  His feelings may be normal for most adult men but his way of expressing these feelings are not.   Maybe he can improve his communication with his daughters by interacting more with the 3yr old since she is able to talk to him.   I hope you and your husband are able to improve the relationships with your children.  Don't give up on him yet.  I'm assuming this is a recent issue.  He must have done "ok" with the first baby.   Best wishes..

Answer 8

.<--------This is a period. Why can't you use one? I'd read it if it wasn't so hard to do!!!!

Answer 9

I'm from the Creek Indian tribe in Columbus, Ga.  My great ancestors worked hard by the river and many lives were lost from  alligators for those tempting to cross the river by swimming.

Life is challenge by itself let alone the rosaries of marriage and trials that beckoned your call.

Be as the wind and flow smoothly into your troubles build a tower of faith.

Eat what is necessary to fill your belly and think what's largely enough to swallow.

Your Sun is rising in the East, but it hovers over you daily and you get no sleep. It's time to set your sight to the night and relax for life and her misery lives yet another day and the morrow has its' own misery.