Please help i'm so upset?

Question

Well for all of you that know me you'll know myself and dh started ttc in April of this year. Finally got my bfp on the 7th August and then had a miscarriage on the 11th August. Was 5 weeks pregnant. Well was talking to my dh last night and he landed a bombshell on me. He said he wants to re-consider the whole ttc thing. He feels very nervous that we wont be financially able to look after a baby and he doesnt want to go through another miscarriage. What do i do? He seems dead set against having a baby and its the one thing i really really want to make my life complete. We are financially sound, own our own home, have 2 cars, 20k in the bank and a very solid relationship. We are also two very loving people and i know if i did get pregnant again and had the baby my dh would be a really good dad. I know hes probably scared, who isnt with the thought of bringing a baby into the world but it is the most wonderful thing that any parents can go through

Answer 1

how about trying to be a foster parent for a week, see how he feels, how you feel. If he isn't ready you will never be able to force him to be and he will grow to resent any child you conceived without his full support. ofcourse your other option is to go it alone.

I recommend foster parenting or adoption

Answer 2

Perhaps he is petrified of another miscarriage? Maybe give it a little time and spend lots of quality time together. Best of luck!

Answer 3

The two of you need to sit down and seriously talk about this, it has to come from both sides.  One can't decide for both that they aren't ready for a baby.  Ask him to meet with you and have a good long chat and hear what he has to say and let him hear what you have to say.  Good Luck

Answer 4

I'm truly sorry for you lost but you have to remember that the whole event was still pretty resent and the wounds are still very fresh with your husband. My suggest is to try one of two things

1) give him some time to grieve I can't tell you an exact time but allow him to deal with the situation in his own way. Remember men aren't like us. They like to keep everything bottled up inside

2) If some time has gone by and he is still grieving, then you should think about seeking some counseling to render the situation. It better that you deal with the situation now before the pregnancy and before the baby then after when you'll have more important issue to work on.

Good bless and Lots of baby dust to you(and of course me) when your ready.

Answer 5

a miscarriage is a serious emotional blow, my twin brothers were miscarried in 2003. if he is not secure about another child, counselling options are available, as are medical options to try and secure a healthy pregnancy, such as vitamins and some medications. im so sorry for your loss, and i understand why he is scared.

Answer 6

First of all, I would like to say I'm sorry as what happened is very devastating especially if this is your first time to conceive a baby. My sister also went through this. Regarding your dh's decision, he was having second thoughts about ttc a baby as the miscarriage has affected him even more than he would admit this to you. Of course, going through that phase puts doubts in your dh especially since your health is also involved and he is afraid to put you at risk again.  Since the sudden change of mind can be traced on having a miscarriage as he seemed excited when he found out that you're pregnant, it may only mean that he's scared to get through that again. Talk to him about what happened without pushing him too far as men usually dont like to talk things head on. Talk about how you feel and give him time to ponder on things himself. Sort things out with him and explain that what you want is for your family to be a "family" and that you dont want anything else but to have his child with you. After talking things through, give yourselves a break to be in love with each other and let your love guide you through this obstacle. Once you have rediscover your love for one another and you made him see how beautiful it would be to have a baby, he would definitely get back to it. Lastly, dont forget to pray and offer your prayers to the Lord. He will guide you in every step you and your dh make. Good luck as this is another journey i know both of you will conquer in the end.

Answer 7

I think that it is really important that you

a) talk about it together and see what you fear, apprehensions and needs are and

b) give him some time to deal with the miscarriage, it sounds like it has really hit him hard and he wants some time to process the rollercoaster that you have just been on. Give him time and talk about it again in another couple of months.

I know that you are saying that you need a baby to complete your life but if you give your dh the time he needs you will both need and want it and the whole experience will be more enjoyable for both of you. You cannot tell him what he needs he needs to do that for himself.

Answer 8

Everyone always has second thoughts when considering a big decision like this. My philosophy is if the good outweighs the bad then go for it. In this case the good would be all the joy, happy memories, complete feelings that a baby brings to a family. The bad would be financial stress, feelings of inadequacies, more responsibility,etc. It seems that to YOU the good outweighs bad but to him he is having second thoughts. The only thing I can tell you is to tell him sincerely how much you NEED to have a baby to feel complete. What he needs right now is reassurance that everything is going to be okay. You need to find out exactly EVERYTHING  he is having second thoughts on and find ways to reassure him that its the right decision. Make sure you tell him that you want to experience that with him because you love him and want to start a family together. Tell him how much joy a baby can bring to everyone around him/her and how much closer it can bring the two of you together. Good luck  

Answer 9

Yes you are right your dh does sound scared. As much as you want this (and I know he does too), its his decision as well. I dont have to tell you how emotionally draining ttc is, and of course, suffering what no parents should ever have to, a miscarriage. He is just really scared and is not ready to go down that rollercoaster again just yet.

Why not try talking to him- not about trying for another baby but just about his feelings (and yours) about the baby you both lost. If he grieves properly it will help him accept the fact that, yes, what you both went through is really sad. Eventually after he accepts this, he will be ready to try again.

As hard as it will be for you, dont rush him or it will backfire on you. Help him to grieve first. x