Please help! i cannot tell you how afraid I am

Question

i am 16 years old and for the past two months somehow has been constantly on my mind. every single minute - no exaggeration. and it is not a boyfriend or crush or anybody, it is my supposed "best friend" who i have had a secret, intense dislike of for one and a half years. among other things she is self-absorbed, whiny, gossipy, manipulative and just an all-around miserable person to be around. i am very passive and barely stand up for myself and that is why i am still her friend. and i don't know what to do or how to tell her because i'm really shy and don't have many other friends. i just cannot take it anymore - constantly having her on my mind. i feel like i am going crazy and that it is all my fault. i know the advice other people - doctors, family - tell me is right but it just doesn't work. i feel like i have lost myself and i can't help but crying as i write this b/c i'm afraid it just won't go away. and i am so so afraid and i don't know what to do. any advice, any advice at all i really really appreciate it.

Answer 1

Yeah I now the feeling. The best way to tell her is may be writing a letter telling her what u feel. If her respond is bad then u need to get out of that friendship is not working out so for you own good get away. It hard to do that but it will be for the best. You can also get another person to tell u for u, i know it seems like a cowards way but one is shy and that's the only way to do it. You may want to giver hints once in a while  you know to brake  it to her gently. If you need help just send me a message and i can try to help you more ok.  

Answer 2

This is not an easy question to answer.  I mean the solution to the problem is not simple, it's not something someone can just say 'Well, do such and such' and your problem will go away.  You're going to have to do some work on this.  And YOU have to do it.

This next part, you're not going to want to hear this, but it doesn't mean what you think it means.  The thing is, the problem is not her, it's you.  You are causing this problem.  Not on purpose of course. And actually it's not a bad thing, it's really a good thing.  Because you can't change her.  YOU can change though, so that's good.

You have to sit down and think about YOU.  What is it about you that makes you keep a friend that isn't a friend?  What is it about you that you can't tell her you don't want to be her friend anymore?  You know, of course that your responsibility to yourself is more important than your responsibility to her!  Are you so afraid of being alone that you stick with a 'best friend' you can't stand?  It's got to be more complicated than that.

The answer might not be obvious.  But if you think about it for a while you might be surprised.  Suddenly things might look completely different to you, you might see the problem from a whole new angle.

Another thing.  At 16 you are growing and changing very fast.  If you don't solve this problem soon, you will grow out of it.  You will be a completely different person when you are 20.  You will also learn better how to make friends, and how to -be- a friend, also very important. We all learn this.  Kids in high school often don't have friends but very few people in their 20s have this problem.

Now I know I sound like I'm just rambling here, but I have one more thing.  You are being too hard on yourself.  You are angry with yourself, and you shouldn't be.  You have to be comfortable with yourself, with who you are.  This is another part of learning how to make friends.  You have to realize, deep down in your heart, that you really deserve better than how this girl treats you.  If YOU can't be your friend, how do you expect others to be?  Besides, you have to be yourself with others, you have to be who you really are, that's very important.  And it's very hard if you don't like who you are.

Answer 3

maybe u should e-mail her or something saying the friendship is not working out and that u wish to no longer be her friend.

Answer 4

Try distancing yourself from her. With the start of the new school year, try finding new friends and very naturally, you guys will grow apart.

Answer 5

avoid her. hopefully she will eventually get the message. when she wants to do something, come up with an excuse. just say no thanks, I am going to stay home and help my mom with some stuff. dont take her calls. just allow the friendship to drift away.  

Answer 6

if a person makes you feel that way then it is not healthy to be around them and by talking to that person will not change them i know it is to hard to be shy and make new friends but that will be the best thing to do a feeling like this can become dangerous if constant like anxiety and that is the start no one needs some in their life that makes them feel that way my advise would be to end the friendship before you get hurt more  

Answer 7

Aww, I feel for you but you are making the situation worse than it actually is! If you have someone negative in your life it's going to bring your mood down and you just need to be honest with them. maybe she doesn't even realize how bad she has gotten and you could really help bring back to who she was before!! before trying to run like h**l maybe you should do what you can to be a good friend and then at least you know you've tried everything :) you'll feel better and maybe you'll gain a better friend!!