Please help.... i really need some advice.....?

Question

i got pregnant by a guy i dated for about 8 months. he's 20 im 23. when i first told him, he said he wasn't ready that he can't be a father and he walked away from me. a few days later he started to come around and even went to 2 ultrasound appts with me. now he's back into im not ready and dont want this child mode. he even started dating his ex again. his mother is telling me im gonna regret this and that my child will forever be miseable. that her son isn't ready to be a father and he'll hate me for having a baby he doesn't want and isn't ready for. i know it'll be very difficult, but i want to have my baby and take responsibility for my actions. i want to be the best mother i can be. i can't force him to be there. my heart tells me im not, but do you think am i doing the wrong thing by keeping the baby?

Answer 1

Do what you feel is right.  I don't agree with getting rid of a child, but its not my call.  If you want to be a mother ... which I gotta tell you, is an over whelming, tough, a full time job, and completely amazing , then do it.  My fiance's father left him soon after he was born and his mom met someone who loved the children like his own.  He is an amazing man and his real father was a bum, so it worked out perfectly. Adoption is always am option too.  Good luck hun.

Answer 2

That baby is your and your to keep. Wash your hands of those people totally 100% exept nothing from them. No money nothing and be prepared for it to be that way forever. But give them nothing back. No communication. Nothing. Move on. Really start your new beginning. You can do this if you want to and you can be a great mother. Someday you will meet someone who will love that baby, just like its own. Just make sure you always put the baby before yourself. Good Luck.

Answer 3

if you want the baby, then keep the baby. if not, give it to someone who will take care of it.

as for him, go for child support. he doesn't have to see the baby, but he is going to learn that s*x has consequences. that'll make him grow up. or go to jail.

Answer 4

Definitely, although the father should have some say i believe that if you feel you can be a single parent and do a good job of it then go for it, im 19 weeks pregnant with my ex's baby the way i see it he can either be there or not but either way that baby will be loved and cared for and that's all a child needs in terms of parenting, you do what your heart tells you. good luck god bless

Answer 5

only you know that answer.

you can't make his mind up for him - the only thing you can do is make sure he is given every opportunity to build a relationship with his baby.  if he chooses not to take it up, then it's on him - don't be one of those mothers who blocks access out of spite or even because she *thinks* she's doing the right thing to "protect" her child.  unless the guy is actually abusive, there is no need to protect a child from their father.

as for his mother, why is she even butting in?  her kid's 20, not 12!

Answer 6

Good for you for standing up for yourself and you unborn child. If he doesn't want to be there for you then you are better off. All you can do is be the best mother you can. It sounds like you will do a great job.

Answer 7

YES YOU ARE DOING THE RIGHT THING! don't even let anyone tell you otherwise. And for his mother saying all that to you. f*ck her, i can't believe someone would say something like that. Don't let her see the baby, she will really be wishing she wasn't such a ****** to you. When the baby is older and all the drama is done with i'm sure she will want to be in the babys life, but too bad, tell her she won't be. I'm sure this is really hard for you, but the best thing you can do for your child and yourself is shut them out. If the father doesn't want anything to do with the baby, oh well, you will be better off without him anyway, same with his mother. You are really doing the right thing, and i'm sure your family will have plenty of love for your child. You are strong and can make it through this. good luck and if you ever need someone to talk to hit me up ( [e-mail] )

i'm pregnant as well, this is my first and it's a girl.

Answer 8

Absolutely not!  When I had my son....I was 21 ..his father 23......we were both in college...and he left me at 9 weeks.....I had my son and kept him...raised him on my own...his father also said he was not ready for a child.....but that is one of the consequences to having s*x......it was tough for me but would not trade it for anything....he is my world!!  Today he is 14...and is a fine young man!!  I don't regret a thing!

He may be 20 and feel he isn't ready...but he should have thought about that before he had an intimate relationship with you....His mother should realize too, that he was irresponsible and inspite of that...he is going to have a baby....he will have to step up and take care of him/her!!  No, you can't force him to be there...and don't even try.....I know it is hard...because that is all i wanted too....but now you have to think of taking care of yourself and your baby........I am sure he will come around....it just may take some time!  HOpe this helps...

Answer 9

Nope.  More power to you.  You are exactly right - You can't make him be a father.  But you CAN be a good mother.  Just because he's an idiot, doesn't mean your baby will suffer.  

You go girl, you have that baby and you be the best momma you can be.  :)

Answer 10

no u arent wrong the father of my son was the same way when i found out i was pregnant and his mom told me the same exact thing to a T. now he comes around a few times a week to see his son. when i mad my decision this way i looked at as i can do this with him or with out him so i went with was going to make me happy. dont get me wrong its hard to be a single mom but i wouldnt change it for anything. also look at it this way his mom said he'll hate u if u have this child but if u were to not have it u not only hate him but u would hate yourself aswell so would u rather have him not happy with u or would u want to be unhappy with your self and lose him anyways cause u will hold a regret towards him. dont worry things will work out in the end and if u are going to be a single mom im sure u will be a d**n good one so pick your head up and smile and congrats on your new baby!!!!

Answer 11

I personally would cut all ties to him and his...witch of a mother. The fact that the boy can't even talk to you about it and has to go through his mother is sad and pathetic. If his mother is acting solo and not on his behalf then you're in for a whole world of headaches trying to deal with her for the next 18 years. So like I said, cut all ties. Change your #, change your address if possible the whole works, as if you've dropped off the map. Rely on your friends and family for support. I would pretend as though I had no idea who the father was (you may get some nurses giving you dirty looks, but oh well). Be prepared to be finacially strapped, but its deffinatly do able without his help. Sounds like hes the type (and his mother) that will be more trouble then they're few hundred per month are worth. good luck and congrats on your little one.

Answer 12

You have made the mistake of getting pregnant with a guy that isn't very supportive. But if i were you i would keep the child, if you love it right than it won't be miserable. I think that you're decision to take responsibility for your actions is wonderful, YOU GO GIRL!

Answer 13

I have so much to say to you after reading your question, but Ill keep it short.  You have to stop thinking about other people and what they think you should do.  Don't ask us what we think, don't ask those people who are negative to you what they think, just ask yourself what you think.  If you feel that you should have this miracle then you do it.  As far as the father goes, maybe he will come around, lets hope, and maybe he wont. That is not in your control so you worrying about it wont help you, just let it be.  Anyway, I have babbled enough.  Be well.  Best of luck to you