Please help identify my problem?

Question

Hi everyone. I am not very good with talking to people. i dont talk to someone on a regular basis. i have a good amount of friends at school that i hang out with. Im sure that im not the person that tags along with other people, thinking im part of the group, i still hang out with the same friends since elementary school. Most of the times im the more quieter one in the group, depends on with what people. Im more comfortable in a group, if im just with one other person, there would be not much to say and itll get quiet. A conversation would always die with me not knowing what to say.

Can anyone please tell me my problem? im thinking it is lack of social skills but just want to hear what other people has to say. Thanks

Answer 1

There could be any number of reasons, but it's only a problem if you feel it's a problem.  Some people are just quiet.  But if this is really a concern here, you need to work on your conversational skills.

You remind me of some of the women I've dated.  I could ask them all kinds of questions, which they would blab on endlessly, but never ask me a question.  So, by the end of the 3rd date, when I knew quite a bit about them, they'd say to me:  "I really don't know much about you!"

I was astounded as they have normal hearing & speech, but yet rarely ever asked me question about anything in my life.  

Learn to ask questions that are open ended > not yes or no answers.  But rather, questions like > What do you think about......?  Become better versed on what's going on in the world >> ask >>Who do you think will win the next election & why?  

Show some interest in what others are thinking, doing, or want to be doing in their life.  If they say they just saw a movie, ask >>What was it about & what was the best part?  

With practice, you too could break the curse of >> "Gee, I hardly know anything about you" syndrome.  

Answer 2

What you are describing is the beginning of wisdom. Continue what you are doing. Consider your words and choose them carefully. You will gain respect as your life evolves. I envy you. My nephew is like you. He is entering his second year of College. He is a rock star among his friends.

Make sure your friends have good character. You will tend to become the kind of person that your friends are.  

Answer 3

In my opinion, you don't necessarily have a problem.  You are apparently just an introvert.  Introverts get "recharged" from being alone, and being in groups of people tends to exhaust them rather than stimulate them.  You are, apparently, expecting yourself to act like other extroverts when you are not one.  The reason you are more comfortable in a group is that less is expected of you socially when 50% of the communication is expected from you when you're with only one other person.  In a group, two or three of the most social people will pretty much dominate or carry the conversation and you really don't have to do anything except laugh or smile or say, "yeah" every now and then.

The best thing you could do right now is have a personality test done to show you who you really are, then your expectations will probably change.  People who are strong introverts are never very social, and will almost always feel uncomfortable in social settings.  You can force yourself into them and that will diminish a little of the discomfort, but will never eliminate it.  

Here's how I could tell the difference between myself (strong introvert) and my very social extroverted friend:  On 9-11, after all the turmoil, she wanted to go to the mall and be with groups of people.  Seeing a lot of people and talking about the event was reassuring to her.  On the other hand, I just wanted to be home with my family.  I spent time contemplating, praying, grieving quietly.  --It all was based on our personalities.

I hope you get your answers and grow comfortable being yourself.