Please help is this baby blues????

Question

my son is 11weeks old and i had a rough time giving birthto him and afterwards i lost loads of blood and could not hold him for a week after i had him, i felt like i did not bond with him and was in and out of hospital. i am feeling much better in myself now and my parents look after him one weekend a month so i have time with my partner. the problem is i live 60miles away from family and friends and never go out unless i need shopping or baby has appointment, i feel really depressed and feel like i dont love my baby the way i should, i care for him and would never ever hurt him in a million years but when my parents had him for 3 nights i did not miss him even though i lied and said i did as i did not want to look like a bad mother whereas my partner missed him like mad. am i a bad mother who does not love their child or am i just wanting to live my life as i am still young im 21 and have not been out to a club in over 2 years. whats wrong with me???

Answer 1

Kelly dont worry about it.. your probably just having some post part depression is pretty normal.. YOU should feel lucky to have your family helping you on the weekend with your baby, dont feel guilty if you dont miss him that doesnt mean your a bad mother your just going true a hard time (post part) everything will be better couples months from now.  I would suggest you to talk to your partner and parents about how you feel and dont lie to them that you miss the baby when you didnt because then they wont be able to help you with your depression.  Good Luck!! if you need to keep talking about stuffs  I will try to cheer you up!!!

Answer 2

well first dont' soudn liek you was ready for a kid btu then when it comes to it no one is adn you not missing him doesn't mean nothing like my girlfriend and i live 70 miles apart she comes here adn i go there adn we stay for weeks adn then we would be apart for liek 2 weeks and i dont' miss her i mean we talk and that lot but not same when you not in person she misses me like anything but i guess i'm diffrent and its hard to exsplain i no i'm gonan see them and i dont' reli know i guess sort of in same boat but i wouldn't worry about it doesn't meannothing you cna still go out and have fun when his at his nans and that what baby sitters are for and its nice to haev a break now and then

Answer 3

Don't be so hard on yourself.  I had some ambivalent feelings about my firstborn, my son, when he was born.  I loved him, but didn't ENJOY him all the time in the early stages.  I'm sorry, but noone says this - but its boring at times being home full time with a young baby!  Its tedious and isolating.

Sure they're cute and all, but they don't do much at that age, and you're so sleep deprived.

Try not to feel guilty and enjoy those weekends you have without him.  Its good for you!  Getting breaks here and there make you a better parent.  As the baby gets older, I promise you it gets better.  THey start sleeping better so that helps enormously, and once the baby gets a little older, you can start taking "mommy and me" type classes and join playgroups and meet other moms in your area.   You can also do outings like parks, museums, zoos, etc.

My mother always used to tell me that the first 6 months of a baby's life is a lot of drudgery.  I thought that was so cruel to say, until I had my first kid.  It will get better, in the meantime do what you need to do to make yourself feel better.

Good luck!!

Answer 4

You probably are experiencing post natal depression after such a tough birth which is natural and does not make you a bad mother at all but the depression does make you question this which again is normal, perhap talking to your health visitor or your partner might help you put it in perspective. Talking about it is the key to making yourself feel better.

Answer 5

Its not bad to want to be away from your baby for a while. I'm 21 too and my baby is the same age and I enjoy getting away from him sometimes too. Staying away from him for 3 nights is a little long for me, but your life doesn't stop because you had a baby it just changes to adjusts to him.

Answer 6

That is normal! And it is baby blues! You are only making one mistake: lying about it to your family! They love you and are here to help! You should talk to you OBGYN about that. HE/She will have a lot of helpfull information on the subject. Also try to find a support group! OH and look up Brooke Shields and read about the post-partum depression she went into! That is really eye opening.  Try to get more help and more sleep and more me time! Reach fot help u r not alone or a bad mother! If u didn't love and care about your baby you would't be concerned about this! May God bless you and ur baby!

Answer 7

the next time your folks have your bubba for the weekend, tell your partner that you want to go out for the night, that might help, go out, have fun, do what you used to do, also with having your friends so far away that doesnt help, i know that one for sure, and had my own doubts as a competent mother when my girl was 6months, but this was because i had jut moved and was out of touch with friends, i have since joined a toddlers club, where i go once a week, and have made a very good friend there, amongst others, its a great place, you'll find friends that are in similar situations to yourself, and remember they all have kids, why not have a look for one or something like that in your local area, most are for newborns to 5year olds, so even you and your 11week old will fit in fine, and you'll make new friends in no time, i mean heck, if i can anyone can, and i really have a low self esteem....good luckk anyway, take care

Answer 8

You are not a bad mother.  Don't be so hard on yourself.  It is normal to adjust having a baby and how your life will change.  You just need some time.  I would suggest looking for groups of new moms, so you can get out and socialize with your peers.  It will make you feel like a new person, being able to talk about your experiences with other moms who are going through the same thing.  If you don't know how to find those groups in your area, I would ask the pediatricians office for some direction.  Good luck and be patient with yourself.